I wrote this story when Matthew was 2 months old and wanted to send a little update.

~~~Origional Post~~~
Well, I have lived in denial now for almost 2 months….and I think its time I make a confession to all of you. I mean I have known many of you great ladies for almost a year, and I think I can let you all know the real me without judgment…. at least I hope I can.
What I am about to tell you may frighten you, and it may make some of you pity me, and then there will be the select few of you who may shed a tear, and silently nod their heads and sympathize, for they know what I am going through.
Though it’s not pretty, I feel like I must tell you all…. I am a binky addict. Wow, just saying it out loud seems to lift a little bit of weight off my shoulders. Let me tell you the story of how I came to face my addiction:
It all started with a coupon book from Gerber, they had the nerve to send me a $1.00 off coupon for pacifiers, KNOWING I was teetering on the edge of an obsession. My palms were sweaty and my knees were week as I slipped the coupon into my purse, knowing we were heading to Wal-Mart soon. I was about to get my fix.
I scan the isle for pretty red white and blue (patriotic, my civil tribute to my country) and almost burst into tears when I found they only had size 1, which is 7+ months. There, under the 0-6 month Gerber Nuk display, is an empty hook with a picture telling the clerks to re-order… I think it was there just to taunt me. So I do what any normal mom would do (I hope); I bought a pair of light green Mam’s with a leash included, size newborn.
So today, I find myself back at Wal-Mart again, this time the one at the South end of town, instead of the one on the West side. Today I am looking for lawn seed and kitty litter, instead of the birthday gifts we purchased on Sunday. I find myself being sucked into the void, which is the baby section, and right to the pacifier isle. I told myself I was NOT going to buy, I even picked up, and put down a new pacifier that has teething nubs on it, telling myself I did not want my son to chew on a pacifier nipple, as this might encourage chewing on MY nipple. And there they were, at the top of the display…. red white and blue, size newborn Nuk’s. I tried to convince myself that they were unnecessary, and too expensive, but the coupon was burning a hole in my pocket, and I finally gave in.
Before I left I took one last look back….and it was too late. Playtex now makes a pacifier, and the box say dentists designed it…. ooooh! Hey, and a leash with a little sail boat on it, too cute! And since I am here I might as well get the pacifiers with the nubs. Finally, I convince myself its time to move on and I go to the underclothes and start looking at onsies. Shuddering at the thought of a teething baby chomping down at my nipples because of his teething pacifier…I put it back again….besides, its for 3+ months and the shield is MUCH too big for my tiny little boy.
On the way to the garden center I pass by the baby section of the pharmacy… Matthew is getting his shots on Wednesday; I better pick up some infant Tylenol. I look over at the pacifier thermometer and medicine dispensers….tempting, but I know better, they are crap….and not very cute.
Around 3pm, I get home and start unpacking all the stuff I bought…. 4 new pacifiers and a leash. My middle son, Christopher, says to me “More pacifiers Mommy? How many does Matthew have?” Hmmm, good question. I better count them all and see; you know to file in the Home Insurance file as part of my home inventory of valuables. Christopher and I make it a game, like an Easter egg hunt. We check swings, the bouncy, the bassinet, changing table, crib, out in the van… and the pile of binkies grow. Seven… eight….nine…. wow, nine. I start thinking, where is the red one, and the other blue one? We have to find those, because he has 11, I just know it. Then out of the corner of my eye, I see a leash on his little blanket, and to my discovery I find #13.
When my husband came home, I sheepishly confessed I had a problem. I asked him how many pacifiers he thought we had. He corrected me, replacing the “me” part of my statement with “you”. His guess was 15, oh wow, 15?? What does he think I am; a nut? I told him he had WAY over estimated my addiction and I blushed a bit when I admitted he was only off by 2. Matthew then started to fuss so I ran to my hoard and grabbed him one of the new orthodontic Playtex binkies. My husband just sighed and said he could not believe me. When I asked him why he was rolling his eyes at me, he pointed out that I had coordinated the binky with his outfit [see picture below]. I just had to share my madness with you, so I took a picture and went downstairs to upload the photos, and to my amazement (and horror) what should I find in his portable swing? #14
Hi, my name is Heather… and I am addicted to binkies.

Now, here is the TRULY sad part. Matthew does not even really care that much for binkies…. he is a thumb sucker.

Update-
I am doing well, I have faced the reality that my youngest son will not take a binky as is older brother did. Matthew is now 5 months old; and I have been clean and binky free for 2 months now. I admit, I did fall off the wagon when Matthew was 3 months… at Babies R Us they had a double pack of Nuk’s in the same John Lennon “Imagine” theme as his nursery.. HOW can you resist that?? They also had a coordinating leash. But those were the last two I PURCHASED. The green and white one I got after the “Imagine” binkies came free from Motherhood in the mall, so they are to blame for #16, or do I have #17 now? I will admit all 17ish are still around here, somewhere, as Matthew likes to play with them.

Hey, I am getting better!!