I have been crazy busy trying to finish my to do list. The van is back home, but still leaking, so it will go back in two weeks. Thankfully the dealership worded the report in a way that we won’t have to pay the deductible again. I am still hoping the warranty company says its too big of a piece of sh*t to fix and totals it. Somehow I just don’t see that happening

I got my doctor appointment out of the way… I got my referral to the specialist I wanted, however he was so closed minded on extended breastfeeding it is not even funny. AS IF! I just nodded and smiled, however if he decides to make an issue of it, I WILL educate him on the benefits of extended nursing, or even find a new Primary Care Physician. This article HERE is easy to read and explains the benefits well.

The Dr. even tried to hint that Matthew’s pediatricians probably feel you wean a baby at 12 months. Ha! He could not be farther from the truth, Matthew’s pediatricians all quote the AAP as their mantra, practically verbatim, which reads…

The American Academy of Pediatrics now recommends breastfeeding for at least one year and then for as long as is mutually desirable by mother and baby.

Ok, off my soapbox. So, the van repairs were in order for it to pass emotions, which I am pleased to admit it did with flying colors. In the process I also managed to register both the car and the van. Oh man I wish Colorado was like Washington and Texas, both states not only have no income tax, but they also have a flat registration, which runs around $45 per car…. it’s well over a hundred dollars here. Gah!

I also managed to mail off CDs I made for my mom and for Terri. I am also all done with laundry, about a weeks worth, as well as washed all of Matthew’s diapers. This evening I helped Bobby with his homework assignment; it was fun teaching him HTML.

Oh, and as if you don’t already think Bobby and I are major geeks… last night we went shopping for Bluetooths? Blueteeth? whatever they are called in plural form. Today we have been playing back and forth with them, we are such nerds!!

BM did not get served Monday. We wasted $70 for the first attempts (something like 6 times over 2 days) and since she would not answer the door, the process server filed her report and closed our file. IF we were to serve her again it would cost another $70 to send someone else out. Pish! Anyways, Monday we mailed her a waiver of service and it got to her this morning. She stated she would sign and return it today, so cross your fingers that the Attorney gets it on Friday, or at least by Monday. Then we are waiting on the courts, again.

I am getting better at waiting…. I hope!

She called! BM called! She said she will stick close to home Monday so she can be re-served. She stated she was out of town and will be home Sunday… whatever the case may be, I am just hopeful we can get this all in where it needs to be in time.

Between all the stress of the adoption, the van, the new family, and all the medical stuff, I was feeling pretty smothered under the weight of all the crap I was dealing with. I decided a positive change was needed.

With the advice of some friends, I fell asleep with positive visualisation of BM being served and the hearing going off without a hitch. Even though we are down to the wire, we still have options. We can run an ad in the newspaper, or get her to sign a waiver. I have faith it will work out.

The van is at the dealership, they are seeing again if they can find the leaks. The warranty representative may not be able to come out until Monday, so I won’t get a rental until then, but I don’t have a problem with that since Bobby doesn’t work on the weekends.

I am positive things will work out with us all medically. We have access to the best doctors and best treatments and everything will get taken care of.

The new family is a blessing, it was stressful at first worrying about Bobby’s brother being back in our lives, and I still hope some day he will be; however in the meantime I am so much happier to get the opportunity to get to know his children and their mother.

I am so thankful for all the people I have in my life… all the opportunities and experiences.

I feel so much in unburdening all the “weight” off, and in doing so I have literally lost 6 lbs, and hope that this is a small sign of things to come. Today I started making a choice to cook and eat healthier as a family. I guess with the right outlook, anything can be positive.

Called BM this morning, and still nothing. I just don’t get how you can initiate an adoption and then not follow up. I am sure she was just caught off guard and freaked out, but c’mon already! If she would just answer her phone she would know what this was all about. Hell, this morning I spelled it all out in an answering machine message… just listen and CALL ME BACK.

I am so frustrated, it’s time to get this show on the road!

Like I mentioned before BM had more papers to sign. What I did not mention is they had to be served to her by a third party. Well, I guess that third party has been trying to serve her for TWO days and she is not answering the door. He watched her go in, so he knows she was there, but every attempt to serve her has failed as she is hiding from him.

So Bobby and I tried to call her today to tell her who the person is and why he is there, but she is not answering her phone or returning our messages. Time is running out, less than 5 days before the papers need to be turned into the court, and I am starting to panic. Please send prayers that this works itself out soon, before I worry myself into an early grave.

Yesterday I took my van in to get it checked out on various things… check engine light, door lock not engaging, oil leaks like crazy, etc.

So I call them back yesterday and I guess it leaking in MANY places and they estimate it will cost $2500 to repair it. I have a warranty, so the warranty people wanted to send out an inspector to approve or deny the repairs. Well he gets in there and cannot see a thing because its dirty from oil leaks (duh!) so they send it to detail and clean it up and will add a black light agent to the oil and run it and see where its leaking and then have the inspector come out again. So I am without a vehicle for two days now.

Tomorrow I have a meeting with Christopher’s school for his IEP (Individualized Education Plan) for his speech therapy and I NEED my car! They told me they would cover a rental for me until the van is fixed once the repairs are approved so until then I am stranded here. If I have to I will walk to the school tomorrow, but it is such a pain in the ass.

I have to head to the dealership tonight to get my mail key off the ring, I am hoping they will know more by 5pm when I go up there. They have returned my van to me to drive for a few days for the oil to leak out w/ the additive so they can see where it is leaking from. Bobby offered to trade cars for a few days so I can actually get some miles on it, since I put so few miles on the van.

The side of my face is swollen behind my jaw, I think I am coming down with something, I feel tired and achy.

Today has been a crappy day, my next post will explain what else I am irritated about.

I am tired, I am bitchy, and I have had the most draining day today. Last night I was up until 4am, between the baby waking at night, Bobby not being home, and dealing with the emotions of the drama going on in the in-law front… I am just a wreck. I worry that the only good that will come with finding him will be getting to know his kids, as I just cannot see him wanting to come back into our lives.

Today Christopher had his appointment with the specialist. He’s been showing sensory issues for a long time and Tricare is such a joke we were going no where fast trying to get them to see a problem. Now that we have decent insurance I started making calls to get him seen.

Well, no diagnosis yet, but the pediatrician and the neurologist agree there are some things going on in the Asperger’s spectrum. If you don’t know what asperger’s is, it is high functioning autism. I am so scared this is what is wrong, it will not be the first time that word has been said around him. My sister and my friend have both told me they think he has it, the latter being a mom of an asperger child.

So I talked to my mother in law, who warned me of the genetic link in the males in my husband’s family. My mother in law is in mourning of her husband of a week, but her live in boyfriend of 11 years. Bob was a great man, and I considered him my father in law and the grandfather of my children. We talked to a couple hours tonight when I called to offer my condolences.

It has been 4 hours since I started trying to write this entry, I think in those four hours I have gone through all the stages of grief and I am prepared for anything the pediatric neuropsychologist could tell me.

Beside my mother in law, I talked to someone today who I have not spoken to in 9 years. Everything I learned was great news and for privacy sake I am not going into what is going on, but it’s mostly all positive news