January 18th, 2007
Judging Mommy
Why is it as moms, we naturally judge the parenting skills of other moms, from little things like if her child is dirty, to big things like if she seems like an unfit mom. I am not saying I am immune, and I know I have defiantly been judged as a parent… but why do we feel it is our place?
I remember one time, about two and a half years ago, I was picking up a framed picture of a birdhouse I had thought about using in my kitchen. I had been offered this by a woman on my local Freecycle.org website and had made arrangements on a date and time to pick it up. Instead of her answering the door, a little girl who looked to be about 9 and her little sister who looked to be about 6 answered the door. I sat outside the door for a total of about 45 minutes and all the while I could hear the kids talking to a mom in an upstairs bedroom, and then heard the kids fumbling around in the garage trying to locate this item. While all this is taking place I could see three more children in the house, one is a little boy about age 4 who keeps talking to us through the door; I also see a 2 yr old and a 1 yr old (ages are guessed). However I never once saw a parent. The kids are all dirty (not filthy), the house is messy (not filthy), and still in pajamas or underwear, despite the fact that it was about 4pm in the afternoon. Now, when I got home, my first instinct was to call CPS and report this mother.
I decided against it ultimately. I do not know this mother, therefor I cannot judge. What if she was having a bad day? Maybe she was sick with the flu and this was a one time occurrence. The children looked healthy and well fed, they were not skinny or overly pale like Austin was when he came to us. The house did not smell from where I was standing on the porch. Since CPS has to investigate all claims… who was I to judge? I am not a fan of government intrusion, especially if it is unwarranted. Depending on the mood of the caseworker assigned, depends on if that mom gets a visit with suggestions on how to improve her situation, to something as drastic as the children being removed.
I know it is easy to look down at young moms, moms with more than 2.3 children, moms who are poor, moms who are overweight, or moms who are overwhelmed and do not discipline enough or too much; but remember, we have all been there. We have all had bad days, we have all taken kids too the grocery store late at night because we forgot to pick up milk. We have all taken a dirty child out in public because they were given a sucker at the bank and we could not find our baby wipes. We have all snapped maybe too much when our child has thrown their 6th tantrum at the store and we are exhausted from 2 hours of sleep the night before. No mom is perfect, and no mom can be a good mom all the time. Just remember that the next time you look down your nose at another mom at the grocery store.
