Mistakes in Motherhood

…but in one fell swoop today, I lost some major stressors and gained some minor ones.

No more concerns about what I feel is a faulty diagnosis of Gestational diabetes (Why I feel that way, summed up here by Henci Goer)

No more worry about who will watch my kids while I am in the hospital

No more stress of disagreeing with how over-managed my care has been (I have had TEN ultrasounds already, YIKES!!!)

No more stress about declining hospital policies I do not agree with (IV, continuous fetal monitoring, being pushed into an epidural)

No more stress about creeping suspicion that my hospital midwife was planning on finding an excuse to induce me at 38 weeks (weekly appointments scheduled once a week, months in advance that suddenly ceased at 38 weeks)

No more stress that cesarean sections kept being brought up in my appointments

No more hour long appointments EVERY SINGLE WEEK with me either under an ultrasound wand, or strapped to a monitor

No more stress from being told I could decline certain tests because they were unnecessary to being told suddenly it was no longer OK

No more being ignored when the NST monitor does not pick up the heartbeat because a wiggly baby and the alarm sounds for 5 minutes freaking out my 3 yr old, and then being ignored for 5-10 minutes after my timer goes off

No more freaking out about not liking the idea of driving 30 minutes to the hospital (I have two within minutes of my house, but not where my hospital midwife delivers)

And no more stressing about NOT wanting an OB again for as long as I shall live, and suddenly being forced to accept one

So after the last disastrous week being told that the last hospital midwife in town will not deliver me, I had a good cry, a ton of meditation, a lot of talking, a ton of additional research, and more prayer than I think I have ever done in my life, I decided I was going to seek out a home birth midwife. During this pregnancy, I have spoken with several midwives in town, all were in agreement that nothing in my past or present pregnancies makes me fall outside of the limits of the 95-98% of pregnant women who are good candidates for home birth. Not that, but the #1 most important job of a HB MW is not to catch the baby, but to know if a woman needs to be transfered to the hospital. From what I have read, 10-12% of women who start at home, will end up transfering. However less than 4% of those women who plan a homebirth will end up with a cesarean… compare that to a US average of over 30%. Is it a wonder why the US has some of the highest mortality rates in the WORLD?? This pamphlet, while hard to read because of the format, makes some wonderful points and quotes some wonderful studies.

So some minor stressors include:

Not everyone in my support circle are supportive

I now have another bill I will have to pay, although I have to say the HB MW is being VERY cool about it

Bobby and I are not in agreement about wanting the kids at the birth, although he has agreed to allow them, IF they want to be there

There is always the slight chance of being transfered, and in quite a few cases I have heard of medical staff not being very nice to women or their babies in cases where a homebirth attempt was made

I am worried about silly things, like homebirth etiquette and making sure everyone here has food to eat

I am worried about disappointing the staff at my old office, even though nothing they do or say will make me stay

So really, the “pros vs cons” list, no match-up whatsoever, especially so many of my worries of a hospital birth lead the things like a cesarean, which I just DO NOT have time to recover from with 3 active boys and a new baby girl.

4 Comments | In: A lot about nothing | tags: A lot about nothing, Advocacy, Family, Health, Pregnancy. | #

A couple weekends ago, Bobby set up his second desk he used for school as a craft table for me and I started sewing my own Baby Leg knockoffs I have been calling Frog Legs. I found a tutorial online, got some tube socks on eBay and went to town. With everything else I had going on, I put sewing aside and did not finish the Frog Legs until this afternoon and they turned out super cute. I sewed 18 pair total, but 6 are for friends as there were doubles of a few of the patterns. I also was able to pack up the machine to use my desk table to cut some fleece up for a no-sew tie blanket.

Fleece Tie Blanket

Close up of the pattern on her blanket

Frog legs! Can’t wait to see these on the legs of my little girl with her cloth diaper butt!

2 Comments | In: Uncategorized | tags: Me, Photography, Sophia. | #

…. for a much needed rant.

I seriously do not see how I could have any more drama can come up this pregnancy.

I found out today that my midwife will no longer be delivering babies after April. I will be 36 weeks when she delivers her last baby. The OB in the office will be doing 100% of all the births from here on out. He is a great guy and all, but he is an OB and is trained to look for problems. When I interviewed him and the midwife both in the practice, I was a LOT more in sync with the views of the midwife.

I seriously think the universe is giving me a much needed kick in the right direction.

• I first started questioning my care when the conflict of the gestational diabetes came up and she refused to work with me (considering my home testing numbers, retaking the test, or declining the test all together) and then when I learned I only failed by 2 points for a condition I do not agree really exists
• The second issue was my lack of childcare, my friend moved to another state this month, a totally positive move for her, but at the same time I was losing my best friend, my support team, and the only person I trusted to be there to watch the kids when I needed her. The alternate we planned on using also let us know she would be out of town during my birthing time. I told my husband if I was having a home birth this would not be an option.
• Then we had the issue with a mandatory c-section OR induction for a breech baby, thankfully she is still head down, but I would rather have a vaginal breech delivery than an induction of a vertex on
• Today’s visit and being told the care provider I trusted to give me my ideal birth will no longer be in attendance, how much more clear can we get than that?

Monday I am interviewing a home birth midwife who is in our price range, I just pray she is a perfect fit, because this feels right.

5 Comments | In: Uncategorized | tags: Health, Insanity, Me, Pregnancy, Ranting, Sadness, Sophia. | #

Emo- These are the kids who dress in all black, usually in tight jeans, torn rock t-shirts, and studded belts and collars. They often have dyed black hair, wear makeup, and have a general ‘distaste’ for life. They are often stereotyped as over emotional, depressed, angsty, sensitive, and not afraid to express their displeasure of life.

Matthew is three. I could write an entire page on my blog about why I don’t think two’s are so terrible, but threes… Oh please save us from the threes! I could sum up the threes with the opening lines of Dicken’s A Tale of Two Cities “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…” Since right before he turned three, Matthew was dubbed “Emo-baby” because he is just SO melodramatic. For example… he is dressed up like superman playing with his toys in the living room, he kicks the dog and Bobby raises his voice and tells him to be nice to the dog. Suddenly he starts cleaning up the toys and taking his superman pajamas off and saying “I am so sad” and “I am not Superman anymore”. He then pouts for about 5 minutes longer than he should before moving onto another activity. He will do this at least 3-4 times a day, and on one hand it is hilarious to watch, and on the other hand it is SO freaking annoying!

Last night he got in trouble for saying “damnit”, oops… I don’t know WHERE he learned THAT from *looks around innocently*, however this was not the first time he was reprimanded… when Bobby told him no, he said it again, so Bobby got more stern and threatened bed time…. well Emo-baby was so distraught by all this he his in a tiny little corner saying “I don’t feel good” and bawling hysterically. He then proceeds to grab his gameboy he was playing with and puts it away. He seriously sounded like a 13 year old girl who just had her cell-phone taken away.

Twenty minutes later, he is in bed, and we hear the most god-awful shrieking coming from his room, it sounds like someone is slowly pulling out all his body hair…. we go up and he is CONVINCED that one of our three indoor cats is outside, and he will not calm down until she is produced.

Just now, I tell him “go get your shoes and socks on”, he replies “just minute”, I say “now Matthew” and he says, with attitude galore “oooh-kayyy!!” and then stomps up the stairs and slams his door. Seriously, preschooler or teenager??

This kid could not be any more dramatic if he tried… I also don’t think he could be any sweeter, sillier, funnier and lovable… he truly is a really cool kid.

No Comments | In: Uncategorized | tags: Matthew, Silliness. | #