Mistakes in Motherhood

Today has been the first real “bad mommy day” since the colossal mind melt earlier this month. Okay, so it is 12:30 am, and technically now May, so all that was last month, but we will go with my husband’s rule…. “time does not change until after I go to sleep”. So in my mind, it is still the last day of April.

So earlier today (or call it yesterday if you want to keep it real) my little three decided that if they all behaved equally naughty, mom would allow it with retribution, because of safety in numbers, right? *insert melting brain here*

It felt like a country western song. Mom wanted to sleep, the phone was ringing, the baby was whining for breast milk, the 6 year old was wanting to tattle, and the 2 year old wanted a “poopy prize”. I thought everything was settled back into place, and I was going to try to get a few more minutes of sleep, when the baby boy decided he was fat, full, and flippin’ jubilant! There goes my lazy Saturday.

I should have known it was going to be one of those days, everyone was crying and fighting. It took me a full hour to get a sip of my then cold coffee. By lunchtime I was DONE. I put the sleeping baby, and the 2 year old down for naps. The 6 year old was soon sent to nap too after he demonstrated his own fatigue. However, no one napped! All three were exhausted, but no one napped. By around 3pm, I was in tears.

Of course, as soon as I had sufficiently filled my bladder with iced coffee, and was about ready to start dinner, not only did the baby, but also the 2 year old fell asleep. Thankfully the 14 year old walked in from playing to get a drink, and I asked him to hold the (now crying) baby so I could make Fra Diavolo Sauce With Farfalle Pasta, and broccoli. I changed it up a bit, I used fresh tomatoes and added some white wine. I also used only shrimp (doubled), cooked it longer, and served over farfalle (bow tie pasta) instead of linguini. I thought it might be too spicy, so I made some Cabernet Marinara with Herbs for the little ones, but offered them both. I think they favored the spicy shrimp sauce. I had to giggle a bit because they started fighting over who could have the last of the broccoli, they all decided they had not had enough, and Austin rushed in to make sure everyone got two more pieces.

We made a fresh batch of chocolate chip cookies, and at them hot, with cold glasses of milk. We were all sleepy, and I decided after everyone was in bed, that I would slip into a hot bath and then go to bed early myself….. but first let me just fix this spam problem real quick. Real quick. Famous last words.

At 10:19 PM, my darling husband gets on Skype. I tell him “Don’t laugh, but I have such a headache. And it is all from reading confusing stuff.” He reassures me he is not laughing. “Owie, hurty head. .htaccess is so confusing.” He tells me he doesn’t know what .htaccess is (I didn’t either until today. I explain what it is, what it does, and what I am using it for. I will not quote what I said because it consists of several F bombs, and other colorful expletives… and I would like to remain classy.

I tell him “Half my face is limp. I must have stroked out somewhere between .htaccess ssh and ftp”. My darling husband says “I want to see”, and starts a video conference. *sigh* At 10:44, about the time I told him my brain was made of pudding, and drool was dripping out of my half-limp stroked out face, the butt tells me “I have worse problems btw. I can not find my hair brush.”

While his hair WAS quite poofy, by this time I was ready to hang myself by my shoe laces. I had no less than 15 tutorials open, terminal, my ftp, a glass of wine and my sanity was long gone. Four minutes later, he proclaims all is right in the world, he has found his hair brush. Well lah dee freakin’ dah! He then asked me if that was my soul he saw leaking out of my eyes. Well yes it is.

At 11:36, he tells me he has to go to work. And I tell him I have to bash my skull in with a baseball bat. A little after 12:10am, I figure out the problem. The file I was looking for could EASILY be created by opening a simple word processor, uploading it to my ftp (server), renaming it, and then editing it with the script I wanted, and voila, spammer would be 404ed. I have no idea if my 2-3 hours worked, but I guess I will find out soon enough when my spam folders keep filling up. AHHHH, what a nightmare!

So now that it is 2am, I can finally climb into bed, and in 4 hours I can start this all over again. Sleep deprived and crabby. As soon as I finish knitting this last row real quick.

No Comments | In: A lot about nothing, This is how I roll | tags: Austin, Babysitting, Domestic Diva, Family, Humor, Insanity, Matthew, Me, Parenting, Photography, Ramblings, Ranting, Sleep Deprivation, Sophia. | #

Nothing says “I have too many leftovers, no imagination, and a chunk of ground beef” like meatloaf. What other meal allows you to simultaneously clean out your fridge, hide produce, and feel good about giving your kids a hot meal with just some easy prep and patience. I found that after just a few times, I no longer needed a cook book, or as just meat. I do have a couple shortcuts to share though:

1. Use a good food processor. I like the Euro-Pro Ninja Master Prep Blender and Food Processor, it makes me feel like a real ninja with all the rogue veggies I can puree and hide into what the kids think is a pure hunk of meat.
   The problem with the Ninja though, is it attracts my 6 year old like a moth to a flame, or as I say a cat to an electric can opener. With an audience, you have to be even more of a ninja to toss in the green beans from last night, a couple raw carrots, an onion, a tomato, or whatever you have on hand that is raw or requires a good blending. You may have to threaten your kids with certain death, amputation of fingers, or starvation if they are picky and you don’t want them to see how you make your ‘secret sauce’.
2. Once you have your paste resembling a bowl of baby crap, scrape it into the Kitchenaid mixing bowl. You can also toss in more leftovers, some examples include: rice from when you had Chinese takeout, whatever that was in the Tupperware container that vaguely smells like potatoes, actual mashed potatoes, etc. Get creative here, this is where your leftovers get eaten up and not composted.
3. Toss in a couple eggs, and now raid your condiments. You can add ketchup, or BBQ sauce, mustard if you like, worshesher-whatever sauce, etc. Throw in some random spices that smell good, some milk, and a dry ingredient like crackers, bread crumbs, or oatmeal. Mix all these in your stand mixer, and let it sit for a couple minutes to turn into a gross looking, gelatinous mess.
   I read somewhere that the key factors to the perfect fluffy meatloaf are to let the dry ingredients sit and get soggy. Also, to not molest the meat… err, in other words, you don’t over-mix the ground beef, so pre-mixing the other ingredients well is really important.
4. This is where my love affair with my Kitchenaid mixer was born. Use the dough hook that comes with it, add your meat and then mix. No longer do I have to relish in the joy of cold, raw, ground meat between my fingers, the booger-eating cousin to the much cooler sand between my toes, illegitimate son of the promiscuous between my legs and the ever brilliant between my ears.
   But I digress. Once your meat and mush have gently been mixed together, plop the whole thing into a baking dish on 350 and cook for an hour. You now have time to watch a show on the DVR, play a Facebook game, or kick the kids outside and hide in the bathroom with a book.
5. When you hour of bliss is over, slather more condiments over the top, bake another 5 minutes, then serve. You can serve with a vegetable, or a starch or both. If I include enough veggies, I will let my kids believe they are getting off veggie-free and just serve with potato wedges or something. My boys are pretty good about eating their meatloaf, but my daughter isn’t as wonderful. Then again, for the child who hates vegetables, she would pick a salad and plain white rice for dinner over meatloaf any day of the week.

Tonight the princess thought she would be slick. After all the kids had eaten, including the baby who happily nursed while I dislocated my shoulder to eat cold meatloaf, the ones who ate got fresh chocolate chip cookies. The princess decided she could skip her meal and go right to the cookie. When that didn’t work, and screaming didn’t make me give in, she resorted to climbing onto the counter, grabbing the Tupperware and running as fast as her stubby little legs would take her. She ended up going to bed without finishing her meatloaf, or a cookie, but she did end up going to bed with tons of tears. I think tonight mommy is going to drink a nice glass of wine for dessert, because mommy drinks when you cry.

*This is not a sponsored post, but Kitchenaid or Euro-Pro is welcome to send me a free gift for this post if they would like. I really want the mixing blade with the rubber spatula built in for my mixer or extra bowls for my ninja. *wink wink*

No Comments | In: A lot about nothing, This is how I roll | tags: A lot about nothing, Confessions, Domestic Diva, Family, Humor, Me, Silliness. | #

This one is going to be link heavy, watch out. So today I chose to make a station around a song I have had stuck in my head for weeks: M.I.A. – Paper Planes, and it seems almost none of the songs it played had to do with the original artist, or song, but instead were plucked straight from my memories or heart. The first song it played was a favorite from my teen years I have been hearing a lot on XM Radio, Lithium. The song is White Town – Your Woman, a few other songs played, but when Bob Marley – Three Little Birds came on, I *knew* that Pandora had a direct connection to my soul. See, two and a half years ago, when Bobby was in Iraq and we were waiting to hear where we were moving to, and it seemed like no one knew anything, and the news kept being delayed and canceled, I rediscovered this song and it has since been an obsession. I have a whimsical painting of three birds hanging in my hallway to remind me. I also picked my skin for Firefox to remind me, it says “Don’t worry about a thing… Cause every little thing is gonna be alright….” My husband called me around this point and I got a little choked up and sentimental.

I song I have googled numerous times to find the name of played, Regina Spektor – Fidelity, but when the only lyrics you know is “and it breaks my heart” and “break my fall”, you don’t get very far. Same with Citizen Cope – Let The Drummer Kick, a song I thought was called “The Drama Kid” and could not understand why I could never find it via Google. Another song that I loved, and had to lyric search for a while back was Modest Mouse – Float On. Mad World – Gary Jules came on, a song that Bobby and I both love, but got a kick out of when they used it in a commercial for Gears of War 2, a game Bobby plays.

While I was ironing Bobby’s shirts, and a funny thing happens to clean shirts when you apply hot steam. The scent of the person who wears them comes out and I found myself not just missing my husband today, but really missing him. I miss him every hour of every day, but thankfully I only get that hole in my heart deep loneliness every once in a while. The song that came on just then was Geto Boys – Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta, a song I have not heard since middle school, and there I was, ironing, missing my husband, kicking it Gangsta style. I got a good chuckle and it lifted my spirits. Another throw back from a little further back in ’88 was Pixies – Where Is My Mind.

The Postal Service – Such Great Heights played, which I love, and put on my Facebook about 6 months back, along with the Iron & Wine- Such Great Heights version because I had never realized that The Postal Service song was the same as the Iron & Wine version.

The kids and I had a great sweaty dance to Michael Franti & Spearhead – Say Hey (I Love You) and OutKast – Hey Ya!, two songs the kids have always loved. And several songs that Bobby used to sing by The White Stripes, OK Go, The Killers, and Cage The Elephant – Ain’t No Rest For The Wicked, a song he was singing along with on the radio that I had never heard, which is unusual for us, usually I am the one to discover new artists. Of course there were a lot of other songs mixed in, these were just the main ones that really spoke to me, were songs I had been searching for in the past, or played when I needed them the most. However the Over the Rainbow song, by Israel “IZ” Kamakawiwoʻole came on twice; this is a song I can no longer listen to because it reminds me of a schoolmate’s tragic loss.

So I am not sure what all these songs and artists have in common, Pandora claims that it because I like “repetitive melodic phrasing” and “mild rhythmic syncopation”, so I guess we will go with that. Whatever the reason, they complimented each other nicely, and made for a very happy day.

No Comments | In: A lot about nothing | tags: A lot about nothing, Domestic Diva, Me, Ramblings, Sleep Deprivation, Something Worth Mentioning, Technology. | #

Tonight I broke down on the telephone with my husband. Liam squeaked though the baby monitor and I placed him on hold so I could put the monitor up to my ear and listen. I teased him for calling me a paranoid mom when he was driving us home from the hospital and at a red light I unbuckled and climbed over the seat to make sure my tiny little boy was not swallowed up by his giant car seat and that he was doing okay since he suddenly stopped crying. I remember him jokingly telling me I was acting like he was my first and not my fifth, and I remember explaining that I knew it wasn’t rational, but this perfect little soul *scared* me.

I think as parents we all have irrational fears about our children. With my first baby I remember him sleeping past his normal 3am feeding time and waking up at 4am with engorged breasts and sobbing that my baby must have passed in his sleep. Rationally I knew he would eventually sleep through the night, irrationally I just knew SIDS must have claimed him. My husband was in boot camp and when he called the Sunday after that instant I burst into tears when I told him our boy was sleeping through the night. He also probably got an emotional letter in the mail as well.

Then my oldest son came into our life and I was always scared his birth mom was going to come steal him away. I knew her better than that, and I trusted her, but I was always so scared that I would pick him up from school and they would explain to me that he had already been picked up by the non-custodial parent.

Then my third baby came along, and I found something else to be irrational about. I wish I could remember, but he made it out of infancy unscathed. Our fourth baby, our first and only girl was born, and she scared me so bad that I would not allow my husband to get a vasectomy until she made it safely to her second birthday, ergo the reason we got our fifth and final child.

Today I was researching pediatric pulmonologists, allergists, and pediatric neurologists. EEGs, seizures, and breath holding spells (BHS). Logically, I know this was likely an isolated incident. Irrationally I have myself convinced I need to have him looked over by a room full od specialists. I think of unnecessary poking and prodding, tests, and procedures and I just cannot make myself put my little boy through this for something that happened one time.

When I heard my husband’s voice tonight, I realized I was still wearing my brave mask. I was falling apart and not allowing anyone to see it. I have not taken time to allow myself to process the fear; to deal with the feelings, and to let myself admit how scared I was. I can still close my eyes and see the events of Friday night so clearly in my mind. The moment where I realized something was wrong. I wonder if I was as calm when I called the emergency dispatcher as I remember myself sounding. When I remember back to that night, I am on the outside, looking in. I cannot remember a single moment where I was ever that scared before.

I remember moments when my husband was in Iraq, and I heard about a casualty from his unit on the news. The fear I felt when he explained to me a building he was next to exploded and shrapnel was hitting his vehicle and it sounded like hail. I remember when helicopters I thought he was on went down, and then I did not hear from him for 20 days. I still cry at movies where they talk about the war, military casualties, or when bagpipes play “Taps”. But if I have to put this in perspective, the fear I felt that night is 100x worse. I didn’t let myself feel it though. Now that he is over the hurdle, and all he has is a lingering cough as he continues to work the crud out of my lungs, I find myself going back to that moment, and I find myself wanting to fall apart.

So tonight when Bobby called and asked how the kids were and then asked how I was, I started crying. I am a mess. And I feel SO guilty for feeling this way while so many people have dealt with so much worse. My heart goes out to all the parents who have had to face the loss of a child, or a spouse. For those who have children with chronic illnesses or disabilities. For anyone who has had to hear that they, or a loved one has a terminal illness. So tonight, when I allow myself to cry, and to allow myself to process the events of this last week, I will be thinking of everyone else who has also had to put on a brave face while they were falling apart inside.

No Comments | In: A lot about nothing, This is how I roll | tags: Confessions, Family, Health, Lame-o, Liam, Parenting, Ramblings, Sadness. | #

While I was pregnant with Liam, I head a lot of women talking about using TENS Units for pregnancy back pain, and labor pains, like this LG-TEC Dual Combo TENS Unit and Muscle Stimulator. I had no idea what a TENS unit was, and today I just happened across an online customer blog that explained that a TENS unit, short for Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation, is a small portable electrical unit that sends mild electrical currents through the body to the pain source and disrupt the pain signal and possibly release endorphins (the body’s natural “feel good” hormone). The blog goes on to say that EMS (Electronic Muscle Stimulators) can be a useful tool for increasing blood circulation, muscle tension, increasing range of motion, interrupt muscle spasms, and help chronic headache sufferers. For more information you can Visit LGMedSupply Online. I also want to stress that a TENS unit should ONLY be used under close medical supervision, and with a prescription.

And of course, I would like to add this disclaimer: The information included on this site is for educational purposes only. It is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice. The reader should always consult his or her healthcare provider to determine the appropriateness of the information for their own situation or if they have any questions regarding a medical condition or treatment plan and all that other jazz.

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It is hard to believe my little man is already 3 months old (as of yesterday). He’s turning into a baby right in front of my eyes as some of his infant traits melt away. For instance, he rarely has evenings where he cries for no apparent reason from 9pm-10pm anymore. He also smiles, coos, and laughs now. He still has some more work to do on his head control, but he does well with holding it up, he’s just wobbly still. He also sleeps through the night very well, most nights for 7-9 hours at a time. If only I could get myself to lay down when he does, life would be near perfect.

He’s a pretty happy baby, at Matthew’s kindergarten teacher-conference yesterday, every time she would go into teacher mode when she read along with Matthew, he would start laughing. Something about her speech pattern just cracked him up. He’s pretty awesome about allowing anyone to hold him too. I remember Matthew & Sophie having a pretty healthy dose of stranger anxiety at this age, but not Christopher or Liam!

Oh dear Sophie, this girl is Drah-mah! She only naps about half of the time we lay her down, and then sometimes she will fight and by dinner time she is so exhausted we find her like this. Yes, that is my coffee table. We are still working on potty training, and it is so hit or miss. She still won’t poop on the potty, and today she peed on the potty. No “atta girl’s” here… I mean she peed ON the potty, as in panties up, onto the toilet lid. Don’t laugh. Okay, go ahead and laugh; I did. But don’t laugh in front of her.

Aren’t my boys cute?? Austin loves his baby brother. In case you are wondering, that is a road rash on Austin’s face. He ate the pavement with his face while riding his bike two months ago. Poor boy has his father’s bravado, combined with my grace. This totally explains why he has a major accident every other year starting in Kindergarten.

1 Comment | In: A lot about nothing | tags: Austin, Family, Liam, Milestones, Photography, Updates. | #

Isn’t it incredible when you can walk into a business, which is nearly empty, and then moments later it looks like a tour bus was unloaded? This was how it was at the Post Office today. Not only have I always joked that there are several portals to hell, to include the DMV, the bank, the post office, the mechanic, and the emergency room. This statement could not have rang more true today. I mentioned earlier today that we would be mailing off a storage locker to Afghanistan, well we loaded it up with clothes, books, and computer equipment, weighed it, then hauled it out to the van. After a long wait in the line that went from no one, to a line out the door in the time it took us to fill out a customs form and wrap the box in tape we get to the front and pull the box onto the scale. 74 lbs. Crap. The limit is 70 lbs.

We had to get out of the line, unwrap all the tape, remove jeans, and then wait for the person in front of us to finish so we could pop back to the postal worker we were with. He weighed us again, 68 lbs, rings up the total, $125, gets to the point where we are supposed to swipe the card, and he realizes his coworker is logged into his computer… we have to go to the terminal 2 windows down. While waiting for him to weigh and put in the address and such again, some guy comes storming in. By his body language, I know he’s not a happy camper. He goes up to the worker in the window next to us and says “Did a woman just mail a package to Thailand with you?” I am assuming something got mailed that shouldn’t have or something.

So he gets up in the guys face and says “Listen *bleep*, you need to watch how you talk to people. You don’t have to be such a *bleep*. You better watch your *bleep* back. Do you hear me? DO YOU HEAR ME [Name on name tag]?? That is somebodies daughter. *beep* *beep* *beep*!” At young woman in line starts yelling “HEY! You need to knock it off! Show some respect!” She looks like she’s about to charge him. She’s all of maybe 100 lbs, but she ended up getting him to leave. Now I don’t know what was said or done, but I did notice she came completely unprepared. Her items had cardboard just wrapped around them, with two ends open and he had to help her make them into boxes by cutting and taping the cardboard. She occupied a lot of his time and was there for the time it took about 3 or 4 patrons to mail their stuff with other postal workers. The line was backing up, and the worker continued to help her prepare her package instead of just telling her to either come back with a box that would hold the contents securely, or get a priority mail box and pay more. There was no way her box would hold for international travel. This is the only post office in our city, so I have had stuff mailed with all four of the gentleman that were working that day, and they were always kind. He took his tongue lashing and never said more than “Calm down sir”.

By the time we left the post office, it was nearly 5pm, we had been there about 90 minutes! We needed to get a power of attorney notarized and the first bank we went to had closed 2 minutes earlier. The next place was open, but Bobby ended up in line 45 minutes before he got to the front of the line for the notary. He said he was not supposed to notarize POAs, but he would make an exception because he waited so long, and refused to charge us for it, even though we are not members. Sounds like Mr. Notary could teach Mr. My-girl-can’t-figure-out-how-the-mail-works-so-I-blow-up-to-defend-her-honor a lesson in manners.

No Comments | In: A lot about nothing | tags: A lot about nothing, Bobby, Family, Lame-o, Ramblings, Ranting. | #

When we switched hats from homeowner to landlord, we had some new issues to think about. Before we moved out of our home, we had a guy come in and stretch, repair, and replace some carpet. I could not believe how much difference it made in the appearance of our floors, I would compare it to a face lift, for well-worn carpet. However, short of replacing it all for thousands of dollars, stretching was a practical compromise. My central Texas friends, if you have carpet repair needs, I invite you to try out The Steam Team, for your carpet repair services in Austin. The steam team also offers carpet pet odor removal Austin, which is so important if you have ever had pets in your home, even if they have never had an accident, because you may not notice pet smells and odors from the oil in their coat, or waste tracked in from outside or litter boxes on their feet, but your guests will. However, if you have ever had a cat, you know that cat pee odor removal Austin is so important if you want to prevent future soiling. I have a cat who will pee on towels if they are left on the ground, so getting those odors out is essential, because cat urine is one of the most pungent smells ever.

Hopefully you never know the feeling of wondering why your shower is not hot anymore, checking on the pilot of the water heater, and finding that it has failed. We have had that happen twice on us, but luckily it only burst the one time, and we lived in a house without carpet. However, if you are not so lucky, it is important to have someone you can count on for cleaning up water damage Austin, it is especially important that they offer around the clock service, 24 hours, 7 days a week, because the longer you let the water sit, the bigger the problem, and then you would need carpet mildew odor removal Austin.

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I am one of those odd moms who LOVE snow days, I look forward to them, I can’t wait for summer vacation, and I dread back to school. I would homeschool my kids in an instant, if I had a masters degree in education. I support homeschooling, but personally, I made a choice a long time ago that it was not for our family, because I don’t have the bag of tricks teachers do to keep kids interested. I cannot get my children to make their beds without being told, how am I going to get them interested in pushing themselves to advance? I also do not have the patience for busy work.

I do hate snow though, especially when I have errands to run. The kids need haircuts and new shoes, I needed pet food, milk and creamer and I could not get out to get any of those. My husband ended up getting the food items, the rest will have to wait. It took him 2 hours to travel 2 miles this morning. I am really hoping tomorrow’s weather will be more kind, we have so many things to do before he leaves for the middle east next week.

No Comments | In: A lot about nothing | tags: A lot about nothing, Bobby, Ramblings. | #

It has been a week now since Sophie has worn a diaper during the day. Until she is consistently pooping in the potty, I am not ready to ditch the diapers completely. She can’t open doors yet, so that is another obstacle in night time training. Some days are better than others, I think her worst day was two pee accidents and one poop. She has also had accident free days too. Naptime is where I am most impressed, she is excellent at getting up and using her chair in her room.

Crib is gone, binkies are gone, day time diapers are gone. I just hope she does not regress when Daddy goes overseas.

No Comments | In: A lot about nothing | tags: Milestones, Sophia. | #