…but in one fell swoop today, I lost some major stressors and gained some minor ones.
No more concerns about what I feel is a faulty diagnosis of Gestational diabetes (Why I feel that way, summed up here by Henci Goer)
No more worry about who will watch my kids while I am in the hospital
No more stress of disagreeing with how over-managed my care has been (I have had TEN ultrasounds already, YIKES!!!)
No more stress about declining hospital policies I do not agree with (IV, continuous fetal monitoring, being pushed into an epidural)
No more stress about creeping suspicion that my hospital midwife was planning on finding an excuse to induce me at 38 weeks (weekly appointments scheduled once a week, months in advance that suddenly ceased at 38 weeks)
No more stress that cesarean sections kept being brought up in my appointments
No more hour long appointments EVERY SINGLE WEEK with me either under an ultrasound wand, or strapped to a monitor
No more stress from being told I could decline certain tests because they were unnecessary to being told suddenly it was no longer OK
No more being ignored when the NST monitor does not pick up the heartbeat because a wiggly baby and the alarm sounds for 5 minutes freaking out my 3 yr old, and then being ignored for 5-10 minutes after my timer goes off
No more freaking out about not liking the idea of driving 30 minutes to the hospital (I have two within minutes of my house, but not where my hospital midwife delivers)
And no more stressing about NOT wanting an OB again for as long as I shall live, and suddenly being forced to accept one
So after the last disastrous week being told that the last hospital midwife in town will not deliver me, I had a good cry, a ton of meditation, a lot of talking, a ton of additional research, and more prayer than I think I have ever done in my life, I decided I was going to seek out a home birth midwife. During this pregnancy, I have spoken with several midwives in town, all were in agreement that nothing in my past or present pregnancies makes me fall outside of the limits of the 95-98% of pregnant women who are good candidates for home birth. Not that, but the #1 most important job of a HB MW is not to catch the baby, but to know if a woman needs to be transfered to the hospital. From what I have read, 10-12% of women who start at home, will end up transfering. However less than 4% of those women who plan a homebirth will end up with a cesarean… compare that to a US average of over 30%. Is it a wonder why the US has some of the highest mortality rates in the WORLD?? This pamphlet, while hard to read because of the format, makes some wonderful points and quotes some wonderful studies.
So some minor stressors include:
Not everyone in my support circle are supportive
I now have another bill I will have to pay, although I have to say the HB MW is being VERY cool about it
Bobby and I are not in agreement about wanting the kids at the birth, although he has agreed to allow them, IF they want to be there
There is always the slight chance of being transfered, and in quite a few cases I have heard of medical staff not being very nice to women or their babies in cases where a homebirth attempt was made
I am worried about silly things, like homebirth etiquette and making sure everyone here has food to eat
I am worried about disappointing the staff at my old office, even though nothing they do or say will make me stay
So really, the “pros vs cons” list, no match-up whatsoever, especially so many of my worries of a hospital birth lead the things like a cesarean, which I just DO NOT have time to recover from with 3 active boys and a new baby girl.
A few weeks ago I was bawling over this amazing video of a woman giving birth at home, and when the contractions start to get intense, deals with that intenseness by singing a beautiful song and later gives birth, without medication, to a 10 lb boy.
[Disclaimer: There is nothing graphic in this video, but the song is a Psalm 23]
Well, in my Hypnobabies community there was a buzz that this woman also used Hypnobabies to aid her in dealing with the intenseness. Just beautiful.
PS. Her little boy was 10 lbs, had a 15 1/2 inch head and a 16 inch chest! Just breathtaking! *Updated* Here is a link to her birthstory in her own words!! 
I watched the movie last night Raising Cain: Boys in Focus and I was AMAZED at some of the things I saw and learned. This movie talked about many issues facing boys and young men from censorship of violent stories at school, an education system that does not understand how to teach this complex gender, peer pressure to conform to others to fit in, to how being fatherless or impoverished can affect our young men. If you have sons, are an educator, or work with boys, this movie is a must see. Even my husband found a lot of the information helpful, even if he did keep telling me I told you so.
The main focus of this movie is that we are not raising violent men by allowing violent writing and violent play. Boys who pretend to be cops and robbers, Sir Lancelot, Luke Skywalker, or a sub-machine gun wielding robot DO NOT turn into violent men. In fact a child is more likely to be permanently damaged by being told he cannot play these natural types of games. This carries into writing and reading as well and this is where the most profound quote hit home.
“Boys lag behind girls in literacy because schools discourage the things that they are interested in”.
This was said by Thomas Newkirk, who wrote the book Misreading Masculinity as he was explaining how the public school system is failing our boys by discouraging books that may interest them, or disallowing full creativity of stories that may be offensive to others. He goes on to say that boys should be allowed to write about things like death, or murder, as long as the subject of that story is not a classmate.
They showed an example of a young boy named Seth, who was in a pre-school or kindergarten where the teacher would sit down with each student and they would write a short story. At the end of the session the teacher would read the stories out loud to the other students in circle and they would discuss it. Seth wrote a little story about a unicorn and a horse, and a mean man killing the horse, so the unicorn turned around and killed the mean man. The girls were all very upset over this story, as horses should not be killed they said. Seth seemed heartbroken and they made a rule that stories could not be about dying, just fainting. The next day Seth could not focus during writing time and the teacher said the boy who normally would come to her with a story in mind without hesitation, suddenly had writers block and had a hard time coming up with anything to say. So the teacher talked to the children once more and they all agreed that it was OK for them to write about ‘bad guys’ dying, or getting killed; just not the ‘good guys’. Seth seemed pleased with this answer and his writers block cleared.
Now, imagine if your own 5 yr old is told to censor his writing, and that he cannot play with weapons, and he cannot ready books about magic and dragons because they are too violent. And this continues through age 6, 7, 8 and so on. Your child is told in order to get a passing grade in school they have to read from an approved list of books that are on things like horses, or living on a prairie, or the trials and tribulations of first grade, when they really want to be reading about knights and dragons, shark attacks and hacking and slashing through piles of venomous snakes to find the lost treasure. Can you see how through time they may lose their interest in education all together?
Boy are also active, where schools want you to sit down, stay still, and listen. Active boys need active play in order to keep their mind focused. When the movie talked about how schools are lessening or taking away recess time and how this is causing boys to have a harder time focusing, it made me think of Cesar Millan, the dog whisperer, who is always preaching that in order to calm the mind, you must exercise the mind. I think this is true for children too, and when we take away games such as tag, or football at recess, or take away recess all together, you are setting boys up for failure in school. It is no wonder when boys are asked their favorite subject in school they respond Gym, Lunch or Recess.
This year, Austin was fortunate enough to be in an all boys classroom, taught by a male teacher who focused on boy centered learning. The school has seen increased test scores from this program and Austin has seen grades higher than he has ever achieved before, from some B’s, but mostly A’s. I think this is a direct result of boy centered learning and I really look forward to when Christopher will also get to be in this same class.
Anyways, please go see this movie, either borrow it from the library, Netflix it, or even buy it. The wealth of information received from this documentary has been invaluable, and reassuring that I can be a good mom to these sensitive young boys in a world where public education and society is failing our sons.
I am not a grammar snob by any means and my spelling and grammar is far from perfect, but I REALLY hate when people say ax instead of ask. In the video below a teacher is getting heat for teaching seminars on anti-slang language usage in high school and college students. The reason why people are upset? He is African American and targeting young black youth whom he says are most at risk for speaking incorrectly. I don’t get it though, what is wrong with someone trying to rescue children of their own race and help them succeed in the workforce?
I am so angry about all these commercials I have seen for tonight’s episode of Supernanny. I boycotted the show after an episode where the mom was berated for co-sleeping with her children and her babies were forced into their own rooms while mom cried, the babies cried, and the father was distraught to see his family in tears. The mom finally snuck the babies back into her bed while the nanny fumed and belittled the mother on camera, and the parents and children got a good night’s sleep.
Well, tonight they are taking on the issue of extended breast-feeding. So, you must be thinking this “child” must be 6 or 7, right? Noooo, this baby is only 14 months old, and the nanny wished to rip this precious little one off her mama and “give her a bottle” as the announcer says. What kind of idiotic advice is that??? Anyone who is familiar with the AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics) or the WHO (Wold Health Organization) knows that the bottle should not be used after 1 year of age, and breastfeeding should continue as long as mutually desirable, but beyond 12 months. In fact, I will go farther and suggest nursing to age 2 or 3 and letting the child decide when s/he wishes to stop.
Matthew is 2 now, and he still asks for “boo” between 3 times a day, to as little as every other day. If anyone told me to wean him (like my old doctor, with an emphasis on OLD) I would educate them, laugh in their face, ignore them, or in the case of my old doctor, fire them. This whole thing has really left a bad taste in my mouth and has reaffirmed my decision to quit watching this show for it’s poor advice towards mothers of babies and toddlers. I thought she had great suggestions for older children, but her backwards views and anti-Attachment Parenting styles for younger children have done nothing but infuriate me and make me doubt any other advice she gives.
So mamas, hold you babies close, and keep the love flowing, your little ones will continue to benefit from your milk, comfort, and love.
Matthew is now 23 months and 6 days; I can barely believe he is going to be two years old in less than a month. Before I got pregnant with him I knew that there were some things I wanted to do differently with him. For one I wanted to try cloth diapering, and I wanted to try natural childbirth, and I wanted to wear him in a sling… but none of those were set in stone. In fact I ended up being induced and 5 hours into the induction I was begging for an epidural.
However there was ONE issue that was non-negotiable for me; and that was breastfeeding. I knew that I would nurse Matthew until at least his first birthday, but I never dreamed I would be able to make it this close to his second birthday. I am not sure we will make it much farther, I cannot even predict if we will actually make it to his 2nd birthday (he only nurses a few minutes every 1-3 days), but I do know I made the very best decision for my family and I.
Matthew now asks for more “moo” (cow’s milk) than “boo” (mama’s milk); but boo offers comfort and cuddling that moo cannot. I regret not trying harder with Christopher, who nursed for 5 months. I took the advice of others who told me to supplement with formula; and I feel that was the beginning of the end. We also had other issues, thrush, low supply, inexperience and lack of a solid support team.
If you are breastfeeding, or planning on breastfeeding make sure you have a solid support team in place (friends, family, medical staff, La Leche League, etc), read up on it (the internet, The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding book), and have a goal set in place… the AAP recommends exclusively breastfeeding until at least 6 months when you introduce solids, but still making breastfeeding the main source of nutrition until at least the first birthday; and this was my goal. The World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for as long as mutually desirable between mother and child. If we have another child, my goal will be 18-24+ months.
Well, I am not exactly sure I should be admitting this, but names have been changed to protect the innocent, and I use that term loosely. A few years back, an adult relative told one of my children that she had cancer, just days after we lost my aunt Joanne to cancer. My son at the time was only about 5 or 6, and this is a family member who he loved dearly. With further prodding I learned that her ‘cancer’ was really pre-cancerous cells that were found during a pap-smear. She did not get cancer, the cells were frozen and she went on to lead a normal healthy life. My son however lived in fear for years that he would loose another loved one to cancer. I am not sure I will ever forgive her for using so little tact with my innocent baby. Well, a few months ago, I ordered this bracelet from MakeTheConnection.org, an educational website that teaches how a virus, HPV, can lead to cervical cancer. I got my free bracelet today. If I was not afraid of Karma biting me in the rear end, I would order an information kit for this person so they can know the truths about abnormal paps and how common HPV is, how it is spread and how one abnormal pap does NOT mean you have cancer and have the right to tell an innocent child that you do…. ok, the last part would not be in the information packet, but one could hope that one would draw that conclusion. Anyways, I am NOT having the information packet sent to her… but don’t tempt me! Lord please forgive me, for I am sure I have sinned!
Today I read a very moving article in Parenting magazine called “ The 5-Second Tragedy” about Shaken Baby Syndrome. Even as a mom of three, there were some facts that I did not know, such as how quickly a baby can suffer permanent damage, or even death; the average time is 5 to 15 seconds. I also did not know how often a baby or child is diagnosed, about 12,000 to 14,000 cases each year, with 25-30% of those children dying as a result of the trauma. Experts also believe that many more cases exist, but are not diagnosed because of the lack of external trauma to alert the parents or doctors.
The signs or shaken baby syndrome vary, which sometimes makes it hard for a parent, caregiver, or physician to find out the culprit and range from mild symptoms like irritability, tremors, vomiting, and lethargy (sounds like the flu, right?) to major symptoms like seizures, coma, stupor, or death. Please take your baby to the doctor even if there is a possibility they were shaken if they exhibit flu-like symptoms. SBS can cause long term disabilities, handicaps, learning disorders, behavioral problems, to severe problems like profound developmental and mental retardation, paralysis, blindness, the inability to eat or permanently being in a vegetative state.
If you suspect your baby has been shaken, a CT Scan or MRI can be ordered to rule out or confirm SBS; early diagnosis is important because it is proven children who suffer from SBS can make significant leaps and bounds with early intervention and physical therapy. It is also important to know that playing rough or short falls cannot cause enough damage to mimic the violent shaking motion that causes brain damage (http://www.dontshake.org/).
Anyone is capable of shaking a baby under pressure, even people who are well educated and well trained. However it is important to know the warning signs that may trigger someone to shake a baby. I found it interesting how often it is a man who is the culprit; one study found that the baby’s biological father was the shaker in 37 percent of the cases, and the mother’s boyfriend being the shaker in 21 percent of the cases.
Here are some guidelines from this website with valuable information about:
People who are at highest risk for shaking a baby are those who may have been abused as a child, may have problems with drugs, alcohol, depression, mental illness, or a poor support system.
And this website has some great coping skills, which include:
Coping skills that may help prevent child abuse include getting information about child development, health, which may help a parent or caregiver understand how to deal with crying and meet the baby or child’s needs. Parenting classes can be accessed through local hospitals, or Child and Family Services.
A support team is also important, friends, family, neighbors, all can offer advice or even a break when you are feeling overwhelmed is important.
Nap with your baby, or use that time to gather your bearings or relaxing so you feel refreshed when you baby wakes.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help; contact your support team, or if you are lacking a support team, call your local Child and Family Services, or Hospital to find resources, or counseling. Some towns even have a crisis nursery where you can take your child temporarily so you don’t become overwhelmed.
Babies use crying as their primary means of communication to tell you that they are hungry, tired, wet/soiled, lonely, scared, etc. Sometimes babies will cry for 15 minutes to an hour for no apparent reason at all. An average babies cried 1-5 hours each day for the first we months of life. At 6 weeks of age, crying may peak, and gradually lessen over time. Understand that colic, teething, stress, or illness can aggravate a baby and make the crying increase.
If you are feeling overwhelmed, call a friend or family member and ask them if they can come relieve you for a little while. Or put your baby in a safe place, like his/her crib and go to another room and take some steps to calm yourself. There are also hotlines you can call, like the ChildHelp hotline, 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) that you can call and discuss your feelings; sometimes just venting or having someone to listen can give you a new perspective.
If you shake your child, call 911 immediately. Sometimes the difference between a child living or suffering permanent injury, or death, is early assistance.
Please make sure you have a plan on how to cope with a crying baby, don’t be afraid to walk away if it means saving the life of a child. Also, never leave your baby with a caregiver when your caregiver is stressed or showing the warning signs above, or if your baby is under a lot of stress from colic, teething, or illness. And NEVER shake your child!!
