I was telling Bobby how Matthew is counting to five now, Bobby asked him to count for him and he said no, so Bobby held up one finger and asked Matthew “what’s this?” Matthew looks at him and replies “up?” and just stares at him like “duh dad, how silly are you?” LOL Bobby and I cracked up because he’s right, Bobby was pointing up, you cannot argue with his logic!

What started this conversation is that I got a puzzle rack at the consignment store for Matthew, it came with 5 wooden puzzles. Matthew and I were counting and identifying numbers with his number puzzle. Between the 5 new puzzles and the 6 old puzzles, Matthew only has one empty slot left! Spoiled kiddo.

My darling husband has a talent for stating something, and then having it happen.

Back in 1997 I discovered this when I was watching a movie about Saint Theresa, and how when she died the house she died in filled with roses. He was not paying attention and said “What? Mother Theresa died?” That was September 4th, 1997…. on September 5th, 1997 this world lost a great woman when Mother Theresa died.

He also put a ton of Chinese restaurants out of business when he told me that by us ordering from another place, and this “cheating” on our regular place we were going to put them under. One by one, he put three Chinese restaurants out of business.

There are countless other examples… but the most recent happened on Saturday. I got Bobby a new laptop at Best Buy to replace his four year old one that was dying. On Sunday he comments that we probably need to replace our modem, as it was a couple years old and probably far behind the times and a new one would give us more speed…. so who do you think I wanted to throttle this morning when I woke up and I had no internet?? A 30 minute call to tech-support revealed that my area was fine, Qwest was fine, I just could not connect to my ISP. Since Best Buy carries the Qwest DSL products we need and has a return policy, so I met Bobby at the store and we got a new modem.

We get it home, and the fun continues… we hook it up and encounter one silly problem after another, and when the Internet light fails to light up, I call tech support back. This time I am on the phone for an hour and nothing works. He tells me he has no choice but to send tech support out on Wednesday, but in a last desperate attempt tells me to unplug the modem and plug it in again. He is just about to put me on hold to get the appointment time, when the light comes on and ta-dah, we have internet!

While I was on the phone, our friends brought their 18 month old by. Matthew had a lot of fun playing with his new friend as he called her. At one point, they ran up to each other to hug and it was like the movie cliche of a couple running up to each other to hug, except for his little friend ran harder and knocked him onto his ass and landed right on top of him… where is the video camera when you need one? It was a total AFV moment.

Sophie’s little sheepy came in too, she loved her “soft”… this is a name my niece gave my parents sheep skin that they brought back from New Zealand; all the other grandbabies loved it so much, I wanted one for Sophie. Pictures and more plugs to come in the morning!!

After picking up Austin from school, I took the boys to the post office so they can mail off their hair to Locks of Love and while we are there we got several cute comments from strangers.

Lady #1

Matthew was whining because he was tired and not knowing he wanted a nap. She commented “Isn’t it funny how when we are little we cry because we don’t want a nap, but then when we grow up be cry because all we want is a nap??”

Lady #2

We will call her “The Mystic” (TM)

TM: (Looking at Austin and Chris) Are they twins?
Chris: Nope, we are 16 months apart.
TM: You must hear that a lot, are you older?
Chris: Nope, he is older, and he’s adopted.
Me: Christopher, you are oversharing! (Feeling mortified for poor Austin)
TM: Amazing how much alike they look!
Me: They are biologically half brothers, but legally full brothers, they look like their daddy. (Still reeling from Christopher’s oversharing, poor Austin looks like he is stuck between bored to tears and annoyed at the conversation).
TM: And when is the little girl due?
Me: (Realizing I never mentioned I am having a girl) Next month
TM: That is wonderful! Little girls….. (I start tuning it out, I have heard it all before)
Me: Yup, we are excited, we were not trying for a specific gender because we knew we would love either one equally.
TM: What hospital are you delivering at?
Me: Oh, I am having her at home (waiting for the look of mortification I hear everyone gets in my family when they tell people I am having a home birth)
TM: Oh! That is wonderful! I had my son at home, we lived in Japan where my husband was stationed at it was the most wonderful experience!
Me: That is great, I read that 70% of women in Japan have their babies at home and they have better outcomes than here in the US.
TM: So you found a good midwife?
Me: Yes, she’s very experienced.
TM: That is wonderful, I wish all women would have their babies at home.
Lady #1 (L1): I had three of mine at home, I agree, all women should have their babies at home. In fact my friend has 6 kids and she had all hers at home too, but the last three she delivered without an attendant!
TM: Hospitals are for the sick and high risk. I hope you have a wonderful delivery.
L1: I agree, blessed birth to you!

As I leave about 3 other ladies and a man in line are all smiling some tell me congratulations, some tell me I have a beautiful family, some tell me good luck.

It’s amazing how one little old lady who just assumed I was having a little girl was able to start a conversation that transfixed an entire line for the post office.

Ahhh, the catch phrase. This is the single most annoying thing you child says over and over and over and over and over. It’s the phrase you repeat years after they have grown past it; Christopher’s was “I can stand on one foot”. He said that when he was 4, any time he felt it was too quiet, you know because silence to kids is an opportunity to annoy. Even though he is now 6, Bobby and I will sometimes lovingly look at each other and utter the annoying “I can stand on one foot” just to make the other one giggle.

Well, thanks to a segment on Noggin, a pre-school children’s channel, Matthew has picked up the very pleasant question, “what is your name?” and will ask us at least 1,390,874 times a day. “Hey Mommy, what is your name?” “My name is Ima Going Crazy Matthew, what is yours?”

So this morning, in true Matthew fashion, within I would say 5 minutes of waking, this little conversation takes place:

Matthew: “Mommy, what is your name?”
Me: “Mommy”
Matthew: “No, your name BOOBS!”
Me: “What??”
Matthew: “Booooooobs”
Me: giggling now “did you say boots?”
Matthew: “Yes! Boots! And my name Dora” He then runs off to go play.

I have to say, normally he annunciates ‘Boots’ just fine, apparently his tongue had not woken up yet.

So, what’s your name??

Oh my goodness, the tax stuff this year has me wanting to pull my hair out.

First, we waited FOREVER from a W-2 from his college, it just came yesterday, so I was thrilled to be able to finally file… however, because one of our forms we did is one of the four forms the IRA is not accepting until at least the 11th I went ahead and filed, having the online Tax place hold it for e-file until the forms will be accepted.

So today… what do I get but another form!! This time a 1099-Misc from freelance writing that I was not expecting. I made $75 more than what I would not have to claim, so now I have to amend my taxes. Worse yet, because they do not deduct taxes, I will end up OWING! It looks to be around $200 from first glance. CRAP. We already owe the state $600 (plus whatever this little surprise will cost us) in taxes and my real estate taxes are $800 and due too. Since our federal return is going 100% to paying off his car, that leaves around $1600 we owe, and soon, that we don’t have the money to pay all at once!! Hopefully the economic relief (which I am SO against) will come and then we can put that towards the “economy”… a la taxes… woot!

This is just frustrating enough to be comical….especially since I have not done much freelancing, or so I thought!

I remember when tax time used to be FUN!!

A comedian once taught me that you can get away with saying anything about anyone, as long as you follow it with “bless their heart” and it is no longer insulting.

So, my husband is a big old dork bless his heart…

I have three cats, these cats are not very patient with our dirty clothes if they have dirty litter boxes. If you leave a dirty shirt on the laundry room floor (this ONLY happens in the basement) they have been known to use the said article of clothing as their own litter box. This is why I have covered hampers.

Well the other day, DH is laying on the bed complaining that one of the cats has peed in our room. Knowing this would be a HUGE issue if they did, I set my already sensitive nose to high and start sniffing around the room. I cannot smell said offensive smell anywhere so I go smell DH’s blanket, which is clean, and on a whim decide to smell DH’s shirt, which did smell like cat urine. Between fits of laughter DH figured out I was telling him it was his shirt and removed it at lightening speed. He then replies, I kid you not, “no wonder I have been smelling it all day!” I took all my couth to keep from dropping to the floor and rolling around in a fit of hysteria. I can’t explain HOW my darling husband was exposed to a toxic shirt, but I theorize it probably was in a basket of folded or to-be folded laundry assigned to my two oldest children and rather than taking care of it promptly they left it in the laundry room and my kitties though “hey, a new litter box! This one smells better than my own” and then the offending article was folded and placed in his drawer to later be worn and offend the wearer’s senses.

So my husband is a dork, bless his heart and I am sure you will all agree.

—————-
Now playing: Grateful Dead - Truckin’
via FoxyTunes

Yesterday, Matthew got a freaked out look on his face while standing on the top of the steps. He looks at me and says “biper mommy!” I say “diaper?” and he says “nooooo, biper”, so I say “Swiper the fox??” and he says YES! So I listen and I hear the cat downstairs scratching in the cat box and start laughing, because on Dora the Explorer, when Swiper the Fox comes to steal from Dora, the music is kind of a scratchy sound.

Wednesday, I am at the Midwife’s office with Matthew and they are doing a quick pelvic exam. Matthew keeps trying to see what is going on under the sheet while the nurse and the midwife try to get him up by my head. Matthew asks “doctor hurt mommy’s vulva?” and we all start cracking up, little smarty. At the same appointment we are listening to the baby’s heartbead, and Matthew start’s getting disinterested and comments “Mommy laying on toilet paper?” Again I crack up because the exam table paper does sort of look like a roll of toilet paper. He then decided his own baby was hungry and lifted his shirt to nurse her.

Their reaction was so funny!

I could not hold out any longer, the conversation had me rolling and I realized you really cannot keep a secret from kids.

Me: “Austin, have you realized that mommy’s been really tired and sick lately?”
Austin: “Yes”
Me: “Well, would you like to know why?”
Austin: “Because your pregnant?”
Me: “How did you know that?”
Austin: “I found the test and it said you were”.
Me: “Wow. So how do you feel about it?”
Austin: “Ehh, I’m used to it by now”.

LOL The little stinker, no wonder he has been offering to watch Matthew for me lately. I would mention in the car am tired and he would say “Why don’t you go take a nap and Matthew and I will play quietly together downstairs?” He’s known since Tuesday, the day after we found out and has not mentioned he knew! LOL

Christopher’s reaction was any funnier.

Me: “Christopher, have you realized that mommy’s been really tired and sick lately?”
Christopher: “Yes”
Me: “Well, it’s because Mommy is pregnant again”.
Christopher: “Are you joking? Are you really going to have a baby? Are you just teasing me??”
Me: “No, I am serious, I am really pregnant”.
Christopher: “I am so happy!! Congratulations! I am so excited!!”

He then rubs my belly and starts asking questions about if I know the gender and how big the baby is and when it will be here and wanted to know when the baby was due and all those sorts of questions. He then went on to say he was nervous, he has never had FOUR brothers before… LOL I told him first of all, unless their are two boys in there he will have THREE brothers, and there is always the chance it is a girl and he would have two brothers and a sister.

My friend Julia was over visiting at the time and we were just cracking up. Christopher is so sweet and so innocent, where Austin is so loving, yet so nonchalant, but so loving, cuddly and considerate at the same time. It was a great day and I really enjoyed visiting with my friend. We are going to go see Across the Universe tomorrow so we can go see a movie that I know is going to make me cry without fear of teasing from Bobby who really does not have an interest in the movie.

This morning I was relaxing, reading, while I thought to myself how nice it was with the kids in school because the house is so nice and quiet. Then I paused… QUIET??!!?? Where is the baby and why is he quiet?

As I started walking through the kitchen, the smell hit me at once… Comet!

I walk slowly up the steps to catch the baby in the act and in my head I am hearing the sound effects from Jaws, ‘duh-duh, duh-duh’.

I can feel my blood pressure rising with each and every step, and I will share with the class why this is. Below are pictures of what I saw in sequential order:

First step.

Second step.

Top landing.

Top landing leading into the kids’ bathroom.

Hmmm, footprints of the guilty??

Bathroom & rug.

Wet comet.

Hmmm, could Matthew have done this? Does he look guilty and remorseful or what?

Matthew signing “sorry” while saying “sorry mama”.

So I could tell he felt bad, and I did not need to raise my voice, but I did tell him he was naughty and that the comet was a “no, no, no”, I still can’t figure out how he got to the Comet, but my instincts tell me Austin got it out and put it away under his sink instead of in the locked cupboard under the kitchen sink. I gave him the meanest punishment I could, I told him to sit down on his stool in his room while I vacuumed. The vacuum scares him more than anything else, so I shut the door to minimize the sound. Normally he runs and hides when I vacuum, or I do it when he’s sleeping, but today he got to hear it right outside of his bedroom. Five minutes later when I was done cleaning I went back in his room to check on him and he was still right where I left him.

I wish I could say he was better after this ordeal, but he was a pill when we went to go run errands, at lunch time, and at nap time, but he’s sleeping now so I KNOW where he is and as a bonus my house is quiet once again.

Oh, today I was at the post office mailing off a math textbook to a friend and when when they did the standard “anything perishable? Fragile? Hazardous?” I said “only if you consider math hazardous” and he said “I sure do, and I am sure your kids will agree with me!” LOL I love that post office, the one who handles my mail is full of people who are unkind and act like they hate their job. At least at this branch the workers are not afraid to joke, conversate, or be polite. If you have any doubts about what I mean when I say they are rude at my local branch, read this post from April.

—————-
Now playing: Grateful Dead - The Golden Road (To Unlimited Devotion)
via FoxyTunes

iThink iHave an addiction to my iPod.

Today I spent hours uploading all my old music CDs onto my iPod and now have almost 1700 songs on there… as well as videos and Podcasts… almost 8GB total. I can listen to songs for over 5 days without hearing the same song twice.

I have a little bit of everything on there, from Alice Cooper, Disturbed, Tool, The Rolling Stones, Ani DiFranco, Zero Seven, Led Zeppelin, John Mayer, DMX, Nine Inch Nails, The Cure, Talking Heads, The Beatles, Shawn Mullins, ICP, Tori Amos… I think you get the point… my music is a little eclectic.

Anyways… My name is Heather and I have a problem.