Sophie had her follow up derm appointment, she had the ANA antibodies too, so her official diagnosis is neonatal lupus. Her pediatrician checked her out on Friday and is referring her to a pediatric rheumatologist (arthritis dr, since Lupus (SLE) is a connective joint disease) and a pediatric cardiologist (heart doctor, neonatal lupus can cause heart problems). Her ped assured me that neonatal lupus will not stay with her past infant-hood, and she won’t have any issues when she becomes a mother.

I have an appointment with my primary care provider on Tuesday to discuss my own labs and see if she feels I need a referral for more testing.

Then on Thursday I needed to go back to my GYNs office… my IUD was coming out after only two weeks…my body was rejecting it. Crap, so much for 10 year birth control. She put another one in, but I already feel like it too is being rejected… if that happens I don’t know WHAT we will do since any other method that I tolerate is contraindicated with breastfeeding. Please oh PLEASE let my little copper friend stick around this time!

Also on Friday I asked Bobby to look up his tracking for his books that showed they were out for delivery here in town for the last 3 days. Turns out the books decided to take an unscheduled visit to Tennessee. Last reports say it is back here in the state and will hopefully arrive Monday or Tuesday so Bobby can have them for the classes that started last week.

Trick or treating was fun, I wish I had taken pictures, but the “shop from home” ToT challenge was a success. Matthew wore a Hawaiian shirt, floppy hat, sunglasses and a camera and was the cutest “tourist” ever, he got so much candy. Christopher was Harry Potter, and looked so cute, Austin was a reaper, and Sophie was a little pink bear thanks to a little snowsuit Aunt Angie sent her.

Christopher turned 11 yesterday too, I can’t believe 11 years ago I was a mama for the first time… He was such a good baby, he rarely complained about anything.

Miss Sophie was up until 3am last night, I am so tired!

I am finally back from my 3 week long vacation in Spokane and I totally need a vacation! The short version

• 3 weeks away from home
• 4 kids- ages 12, 10, 3, and 1 month
• Just me, Bobby did not come
• 3400 miles driven total
• Four 12 hour days of driving

Every year I try to send Austin & Christopher to see my parents, either by flying them up to Washington alone, or by flying or driving with them. Last year we flew them up first, then Bobby, Matthew and I drove up together and then the five of us drove back together. The trip from Colorado to Washington is about 1200 miles each way.

This year Bobby did not have enough vacation time and it was even more important for me to go because my dad is having some health issues and because I wanted my family to meet Sophia. I knew it would not be easy to drive that far with a 4 week old and a 3 year old, but they were actually very good. My van has a DVD player in the back and all the jacks necessary to hook up a game system, so the three boys brought their Gamecube and kept themselves entertained while the baby slept through most of the drive. We made a point to stop once or twice a day at parks along the way to get the kids out of the car. In Billings the hotel we stayed at had a pool with a water slide and the five of us unwound in the pool, which was heavenly after the long drive.

My dad looked amazing, we don’t know what is causing his health problems, but he has to be on oxygen and we are all pretty bummed about that because my dad leads such an active lifestyle and the oxygen pretty much keeps him tied down. My dad is a non-smoker, and the doctors had no answers to why he is having breathing problems, despite spending a week in the ICU.

While we were there we visited with Bobby’s nieces and nephew who we met last year for the first time. To make a long story short, Bobby and his brother had a falling out. We have always liked ex-SIL, but lost contact with her when we moved away. I met her back in 1997 when she introduced us to her oldest daughter, R., despite her husband’s (Bobby’s brother) wishes. I found BIL on myspace, contacted his girlfriend who gave me his ex-wife’s number, and we have been in frequent contact since.

Here is a picture of her youngest daughter with my youngest daughter. Click to see a larger image.

And here is a picture of her three and my four.

From Left to right is Austin -12, B. - 9, and Matthew - 3
Christopher - 10, A. - 6, R. - 11, and Sophie - 5 weeks.

In addition to spending time with my parents and his family, we also got to go to Faragut National Park in Idaho for a family reunion. My mom and her sisters and their families get together once a year for a long weekend campout. Since my dad could not stay the night and I did not want to camp with a baby, we drove back and forth each day (1 hour drive each way). My sister kept Austin and Christopher with her so they were able to stay the night. Matthew loved playing in the dirt as you can see.

It was so nice to spend the weekend with my sisters, Aunts and uncles, cousins, and all their kids. My oldest sister made me the nicest gifts ever, she is so talented. She scrapbooked a little brag book, and hand painted Sophia’s name on wooden letters, she also got her the most darling little outfit. All three were in Sophie’s colors, pink and brown, which I did not know were also my sister’s colors. I need to take and share some pictures, the scrapbook has got to be about the most gorgeous thing I have ever seen, I wish I had an ounce of her talent.

We also spent a lot of time up at their cabin in Priest Lake Idaho. The older boys stayed a little over a week up there with my parents, where the little ones and I drove back and forth a couple times (2 hour drive) since the cabin is unsafe with exposed electrical and a loft without rails. They are building it themselves, so they are waiting for inspections and such, and with my dad’s health issues, they did not expect the process to take so long. Since they are only a couple miles from the lake, we spent almost all our time at the lake. Click on the pictures below to see larger images.

Time flew by so fast, I only got to spend a couple hours with my best friend of 28 years, and my best friend of 14 years.

My mom started the potty for penny campaign with Matthew, and now he is almost potty trained, I am so proud! He is now peeing in the potty with maybe one or two accidents a day, and rarely needs reminding. Even more shocking is that he is pooping in the potty, something we could not get him to do when we almost had him trained a few months ago!

Leaving was bittersweet, I was so homesick and missed Bobby so much, but I did not want to leave either. I had such a wonderful time with my parents, and the boys were ready to leave me forever and live with their grandparents forever. My 11 year anniversary is tomorrow, and school starts in 2 weeks, so it was necessary to return. On the drive home, I did get some amazing pictures of Sophie, you can’t tell in the pictures, but her eyes almost looked violet in the light.

She was so good in the car, she only cried when she wanted to nurse. The rest of the time she either slept or just looked around contently, or smiling at her brothers.

Miss Sophie got to wear the onsie that was passed from Christopher to Matthew to her. This was the very first baby gift I received and [start geekyness] it was given to me by the Sysop of the BBS I had been a member of for 3? 4? maybe even 5? years of my life at that time. [/end geekyness]

Sophie was called a boy at Best Buy today… I told myself after 3 boys, if I ever had a daughter she would never leave doubt in anyone’s mind as to her gender. Oops!

This morning, Sabin was a furry door mat, this is how I found him when I opened my bedroom door:

When I got up, my house was 78 degrees! Why? Because Matthew decided to turn the thermostat up and then move the button over to heat! HOLY HECK it was hot! I think he was trying to prepare my friend Julia for 100 degree heat for her trip back home to Vegas. We were very sad to see her go.

I know people mean well, but seriously, I am getting sick of people asking if I am still pregnant.

Rest assured, when Sophia arrives, I will let everyone know, I promise I will. Well, more thank likely you will get a phone call, text message or email from Bobby saying “she is here, mom and baby are resting, you will be updated later”.

I tend to bake my babies longer than the magical 40 week due date, so I am not particularly excited that I am due in a week, because, really, that just means it could still be another 2-3 weeks after that date before I have my little girl.

Yes, I feel huge, thanks for the reminder, it was not clear enough last night as I was trying to shave my legs that my belly prevents me from seeing any part of my body below my breasts, not without olympic type maneuvers of trying to flex my body in ways it is not meant to flex.

An yes, apparently I *AM* very bitchy… I think I have the right to be!

…. for a much needed rant.

I seriously do not see how I could have any more drama can come up this pregnancy.

I found out today that my midwife will no longer be delivering babies after April. I will be 36 weeks when she delivers her last baby. The OB in the office will be doing 100% of all the births from here on out. He is a great guy and all, but he is an OB and is trained to look for problems. When I interviewed him and the midwife both in the practice, I was a LOT more in sync with the views of the midwife.

I seriously think the universe is giving me a much needed kick in the right direction.

• I first started questioning my care when the conflict of the gestational diabetes came up and she refused to work with me (considering my home testing numbers, retaking the test, or declining the test all together) and then when I learned I only failed by 2 points for a condition I do not agree really exists
• The second issue was my lack of childcare, my friend moved to another state this month, a totally positive move for her, but at the same time I was losing my best friend, my support team, and the only person I trusted to be there to watch the kids when I needed her. The alternate we planned on using also let us know she would be out of town during my birthing time. I told my husband if I was having a home birth this would not be an option.
• Then we had the issue with a mandatory c-section OR induction for a breech baby, thankfully she is still head down, but I would rather have a vaginal breech delivery than an induction of a vertex on
• Today’s visit and being told the care provider I trusted to give me my ideal birth will no longer be in attendance, how much more clear can we get than that?

Monday I am interviewing a home birth midwife who is in our price range, I just pray she is a perfect fit, because this feels right.

I love it when you have a dream that is so realistic, that when you wake, you almost feel as if you are still in the dream.

Last night I had a dream about World of Warcraft, and online multi-player role playing game. I occasionally play, but Bobby spend most of his free time playing. Sometime this is an issue with me, sometimes not because he has always put us first when we need him. The dream though, really brought out my anger and frustration and blew them out of proportion. I woke up feeling abandon, neglected and unloved.

When I heard Matthew playing in the hall, I called him into my bed to cuddle me to make me feel better. Well, being that he is all of three years old, he was not interested in stroking my broken ego. I got maybe 2 minutes of being allowed to hold him before he was off again to conquer bigger and better tasks.

Now that I have had an outlet to vent I am starting to shake the feelings I had in the dream, but some of them are not entirely false, just blown way out of proportion. I look forward to again only having realistic carryover a few times a year, not a few times a month like I do when I am pregnant, they are very frustrating because they feel real, but I know they are not real.

Wow, these last few weeks have been so draining I have not been able to update.

I got super sick on Thursday, had the flu and could not hold anything down most of the weekend. With Bobby’s schedule I took advantage of Bobby not working on President’s Day and went and got my 1hr fasting glucose done, and wouldn’t you know it, with not eating for almost a week I failed it. Crap. So now I have been fighting with myself and my midwife about the 3 hour test which I do not want to take because I DO NOT have Gestational Diabetes. I have been testing my glucose #s at home, and they have always been good. However my midwife will not accept those numbers because it is not from a lab… but would *you* want to take an unreliable test that makes you deathly ill while trying to keep a bored 2 yr old still in a busy lab for 4 hours??? Yeah, sign me up for THAT!

On top of all this is the financial stuff we have been dealing with, like taxes, taxes and more taxes, plus trying to refinance our house before our rates adjust and now me desiring a midwife for a home birth, but not having the funds to even play the fantasy out in my mind because my insurance will not cover it. I babysit full time to bring in some income, but that lately has been leaving me physically and emotionally exhausted, just because of the dynamics of my children plus their friends and the chaos of 5 kids under 11.

On top of this I am trying to sort out my emotions on a personal family issue that did not go as expected, but I am sure went as well as planned by the universe so I am just trying to accept things how they have turned out and let go of any issues I had surrounding it.

Bobby is still not over the flu, the rest of us have had it to varied degrees, but now round two is hitting as now colds are being passed back around (they went around before the flu episode too). I am just thinking of how nice it would be for ONE day this month for everyone to all be healthy for once.

The pregnancy is going well though, no leg or back pains. I had some arm issues from a pinched nerve in my neck that the chiropractor I saw fixed right up, but I still have not regained an appetite or had morning sickness relief. I am under 100 days for my guess date, will be starting HypnoBabies lesson 3 tomorrow, as well as entering the last week of my second trimester, 26 weeks. I am finding myself a lot more emotionally fragile with this pregnancy, and life issues and books and television often sends me into uncontrollable crying fits. I am so looking forward to my birthing time, I just can’t wait to meet this little princess and introduce her to all the princes, they will adore their new little sibling!

Oh my goodness, the tax stuff this year has me wanting to pull my hair out.

First, we waited FOREVER from a W-2 from his college, it just came yesterday, so I was thrilled to be able to finally file… however, because one of our forms we did is one of the four forms the IRA is not accepting until at least the 11th I went ahead and filed, having the online Tax place hold it for e-file until the forms will be accepted.

So today… what do I get but another form!! This time a 1099-Misc from freelance writing that I was not expecting. I made $75 more than what I would not have to claim, so now I have to amend my taxes. Worse yet, because they do not deduct taxes, I will end up OWING! It looks to be around $200 from first glance. CRAP. We already owe the state $600 (plus whatever this little surprise will cost us) in taxes and my real estate taxes are $800 and due too. Since our federal return is going 100% to paying off his car, that leaves around $1600 we owe, and soon, that we don’t have the money to pay all at once!! Hopefully the economic relief (which I am SO against) will come and then we can put that towards the “economy”… a la taxes… woot!

This is just frustrating enough to be comical….especially since I have not done much freelancing, or so I thought!

I remember when tax time used to be FUN!!

Monday I was supposed to see Sharon, my new midwife, but I kept being rescheduled because Sharon was attending a birth of a mama who was pushing for FOUR hours, wow. So instead I go see her on Monday morning. While in her office I mentioned my Doula conundrum, that I had a horrible experience last time and was undecided who I wanted to chose, if any. Well right away she told me the one I had a bad experience is one she was told by the doctor that is NOT allowed to work with his ladies, so YAY there!! Then she gave me three names of ones she loves, all were on my list and once I have been emailing for a few days and we have almost decided on her, but want to set up some interviews first. She said the one Doula was in attendance at the long delivery on Monday and she had nothing but praise for her.

We got to hear BellyBean’s heart beat, which is always a wonderful experience, and I think one of the most beautiful sounds ever. Once I can find BB’s heart with my own doppler I will let you know how fast it was going.

On the way back to pick up Matthew from the sitter I checked my voice mail and had one message from my old midwife’s office saying I had a bladder infection and needed to pick up a prescription for it. So I got Matthew, went to pick up my friend and we got our Thanksgiving shopping done at Sam’s Club, and Safeway, I picked up my prescription and then we picked up her daughter, my son, and then came back here to babysit the two little ones I watch and then I took her home. By the time I got home I was so exhausted I just made a quick dinner of nachos and took the Microbid with my dinner since the pharmacist said it can cause stomach problems. Five hours later I woke up feeling horrible and ran to the bathroom and threw up my dinner and the pill and went back to bed still feeling gross, but better. Did the same every hour for the next two hours. By 4 it increased to every 30 minutes until around 3:30 PM when it started decreasing back to hourly. I called the pharmacist and he said it was most likely the medication causing it, not an illness, though I had an unusually hard reaction. I called my new midwife, who gave me the option of Phenergan for the vomiting, or the ER for IV fluid replacement. I chose option 1 and she called in the script. Around 7 the nausea subsided and I could drink and eat crackers and at 9 I went to sleep.

Today I woke up feeling like I had been hit by a truck, every muscle in my chest and stomach ache from all the puking, and I lost 8 lbs between Tuesday and today. I imagine I will lose even more today since I still have no appetite and have not been able to eat more than some grapes and some Gatorade.

Unfortunately my kids and husband were not kind on my house yesterday and I am lacking energy to clean it, so I think it will look worse before it looks better, but I am just thankful to be out of bed.

Getting up early in the morning to get the kids up and out the door totally contradicts my belief that mornings are for sleeping. Well the newest issue is that when I am ready to get out the door, no one else is. Despite having 75-90 minutes in the morning to get up, get showered, get chores done, get your stuff and go I feel like I am nagging more than normal.

I am thinking maybe the kids need to be getting up earlier and that it is time for them to try their own alarm clock again. I also think maybe they need more visual reminders of when things need to get done….feeding the dogs at 7:15 when we need to leave at 7:20 and the dogs need to be outside when we leave for instance, just does not seem to be working well.

I have visions of my home looking similar to a home for someone with mild memory loss… notes on the inside of the door saying: Did you brush your teeth? and on the outside a reminder to lock the door on your way out. Oooh, I think it’s time to break in the new label maker!!

On the toilet I will put a label that says Flush me! and on the bathroom door reminders to pick their underwear off the floor, wipe the puddle off the floor and hang up their towels. I can label their cereal container To be eaten by 7:10. Oh, and across my forehead I can put one that says Does not sign Friday folders on Monday morning! Ok, so maybe not that far, but I think some labels are in order.

Speaking of signs… I deal with a lot of solicitors and I just don’t like answering the door when I have not had 10 minutes to myself to shower, am on the phone with the bank with a crying 2 yr old hanging on my leg, and oatmeal in my hair. Especially when it is to tell someone that I do NOT have time to read the paper, don’t believe in paying $200 to get my carpets cleaned when they will look just as dirty in 2 days, and that there is no cleaner in the world designed to clean after 3 boys. So I put a big old sign on my screen door that reads:

NO SOLICITING

NO TRESPASSING

NO SOLICITING MEANS:
• We DO NOT want what you have to sell, give, or offer (no matter how good of a deal you say it is).
• We DO NOT want a newspaper, magazines, or our carpet cleaned.
• We DO NOT want your fliers, ads, coupons, or literature on God.
• We will NOT buy your products; if we need a service, we will come to you (if it is not sold in any store, I don’t need it).

Leaving your ad, or trying to sell me your product, GUARENTEES we will NOT do business with your company, as we DO NOT deal with solicitors.

I don’t care how much you think I need it, how sad your story is, or if my neighbor loved it. You are wasting your time on this house, MOVE ON!!

Unless you are invited, or an officer of the law, a mail carrier, a friend, a neighbor, or family; DO NOT LEAVE YOUR FLIER, DO NOT RING OUR BELL, AND DO NOT BOTHER US!!!

There are GUARD DOGS in this house.

There is a PISSED OFF mother in this house who is tired of the doorbell or door waking the napping baby!!

IS THIS CLEAR ENOUGH FOR YOU????

Ok, Elmo is on the TV so I may have 5 minutes to sneak off and shower sometime before the noon nap! YAY!