Let me start this by admitting that Sophie is a princess… of all my babies, she is by far my most demanding. Most days, I won’t even admit that to myself as it does not change how much I adore her, nor would I want to change anything about her. This little diva seems to have needs that are above Maslow’s Hierarchy and even when she is fed, dry, held, rocked, etc.; she still seems to have some unfulfilled needs we just cannot meet. Bobby and I have both accepted that and just do our best to comfort her, because we know this too shall pass.
Today I was slacking in the patience department. Sophie wanted to nap on my lap, I wanted to get something to eat since it was 1pm and I had not yet been able to get a thing to eat or drink… I was starting to feel shaky and irritated… I set Sophie down on her sheep skin hoping she would stay asleep, with no avail, so I just ate as quickly as possible while rocking the chair she was in. At the same time, Matthew is yelling at me because he was on meal #3 and wanted more… I kept telling him to come here so I could hear him, and he just kept hollering from across the room. I could almost feel my blood pressure rising. In a weak moment I yelled out “everybody STOP!!” No surprise that my tantrum only made things worse and I felt like I was going to collapse under all the weight on my shoulders.
I looked up and I said “Lord help me, I need a break!” and the most incredible thing happened… I smelled roses. No, I did not stop and smell the roses… I literally smelled the fragrance of roses, a smell I would recognize even 20 years later… it was the fragrance of my grandma Josie. My house that moments before smelled like pre-teen boys, cats, dogs, diapers, and lunch, now just smelled like roses. I picked up Sophie and it almost seemed to be coming out of her pores. She stopped crying and smiled and in my head I could almost hear my grandma saying “Dinky-Dinky Doo-Doo”, a little game she played with all of us when we were babies. The smell of roses was still all around me and I felt her love all around me. I no longer felt like I was alone to carry the burden and that she was here to help. You cannot imagine how strong it made me feel to know that any time I was in need, I can know I am truly never alone.
I write this while holding a baby and a preschooler on my lap, with tears welling up in my eyes. I would not have believed it if I did not experience it myself, but I now believe that even after we lose a loved one, they are never truly gone and just when things seem to be at their lowest, you can call out for help and they will be there to pick you up when you are in need.
Saturday we left to spend the weekend in Alamosa. We rented a ‘Kabin’ at the KOA because it was the only way to get DH to agree to it since he HATES tent camping (I don’t mind, but was not looking forward to it with 4 kids, one being 2 months old, and 2 large dogs). DH had Monday off, so we spent three days, and two nights and the trip was a ton of fun.
The purpose of the trip was to go to the Great Sand Dunes National Park, talk about a BEAUTIFUL place to go, and silly me, I forgot my camera. The sand was so soft, it was like sticking your feet into silk. We set up the lawn chairs in the shade and the kids splashed around in Medano creek and had a blast building dams and sand castles.
We also stayed up late and roasted marshmallows and ate s’mores and enjoying each others company. Bobby loved that we had a charcoal grill and a campfire to cook over, he is somewhat resentful that I insisted be buy a gas grill because I wanted to be able to use it too.
On the way home, we puttered around in San Luis, the oldest town in Colorado, established in 1851 and Fort Garland, which was built in 1858 to protect settlers and abandon 30 years later. It was commanded by Kit Carson, who is the namesake to Fort Carson, Bobby’s current place of employment and his last duty station while he was in the Army.
On the first night, we were sitting around the fire, looking at the stars and enjoying the silence (all 4 kids were sleeping inside) and some coyotes started to howl in the north; soon some coyotes south of us joined in. There must have been 10 coyotes howling all around us when a cow mooed and the coyotes abruptly stopped howling and did not start up again for almost a full minute. Bobby and I bust up laughing and I don’t think I would have believed it had I not heard it with my own ears.
My special project this week is to teach myself how to become a plumber. We have three toilets in this house… the one in our bathroom is fine, the guest bathroom has a tendency to run and plug easily and the basement bathroom is leaking, but I don’t know where from. Last night I sealed the water connection with some teflon tape and let it sit all night with the water on (it had been off for weeks to avoid water leaks) and this morning I found a puddle under the toilet again.
Since I do not have $300+ to have a plumber out, I have decided it is time to teach myself. I figured the easiest source would be a book from the library… however to my surprise, the most information I found in the easiest to understand format was actually on YouTube! So I watched about an hour of videos on the subject and the one said to put tuperwear under any of the possible areas for leaks and wait, and voila, the one on the left of the tank was wet, since I just fixed the water connection I checked it first, and it was still dry…. so I flushed over and over again and I finally found a drip… not the seal under the toilet, but the left tank bolt! YAY!!
This video pretty much held my hand through removal and replacement of these bolts, down to reminding me to take the bolts with me to Home Depot.
I originally overlooked the bolts because I never saw them drip, they always felt dry to the touch and I was almost about to pull the whole damn thing up and replace the seal, which would have been a HUGE project and pretty close to out of my league.
The next toilet, I know the problem with it, the seal is bad and needs replaced, however I have done nothing about it since it is a Mansfield toilet and requires specific parts from a dealer, and you cannot get these from Home Depot *grumble grumble* and I have not had the time to make a special trip yet all the way up north, for this kit. Guess where I will be headed today??
*** Update ***
I am a master plumber. LOL
Not only did I fix the basement toilet by replacing the main seal between the tank & the bowl, but I also replaced the bolts and voila, no leak!
I also replaced a seal in the guest bathroom upstairs, moved the water level lower so it would quit leaking, and used an auger to clear the S bend.
Auger - $39
Valve Washer - $2.25
Bolt Set & Sponge Washer Set - $5
The ability to hold this over my husband’s head that I am handier than he is - Priceless.
I am finally back from my 3 week long vacation in Spokane and I totally need a vacation! The short version
- 3 weeks away from home
- 4 kids- ages 12, 10, 3, and 1 month
- Just me, Bobby did not come
- 3400 miles driven total
- Four 12 hour days of driving
Every year I try to send Austin & Christopher to see my parents, either by flying them up to Washington alone, or by flying or driving with them. Last year we flew them up first, then Bobby, Matthew and I drove up together and then the five of us drove back together. The trip from Colorado to Washington is about 1200 miles each way.
This year Bobby did not have enough vacation time and it was even more important for me to go because my dad is having some health issues and because I wanted my family to meet Sophia. I knew it would not be easy to drive that far with a 4 week old and a 3 year old, but they were actually very good. My van has a DVD player in the back and all the jacks necessary to hook up a game system, so the three boys brought their Gamecube and kept themselves entertained while the baby slept through most of the drive. We made a point to stop once or twice a day at parks along the way to get the kids out of the car. In Billings the hotel we stayed at had a pool with a water slide and the five of us unwound in the pool, which was heavenly after the long drive.
My dad looked amazing, we don’t know what is causing his health problems, but he has to be on oxygen and we are all pretty bummed about that because my dad leads such an active lifestyle and the oxygen pretty much keeps him tied down. My dad is a non-smoker, and the doctors had no answers to why he is having breathing problems, despite spending a week in the ICU.
While we were there we visited with Bobby’s nieces and nephew who we met last year for the first time. To make a long story short, Bobby and his brother had a falling out. We have always liked ex-SIL, but lost contact with her when we moved away. I met her back in 1997 when she introduced us to her oldest daughter, R., despite her husband’s (Bobby’s brother) wishes. I found BIL on myspace, contacted his girlfriend who gave me his ex-wife’s number, and we have been in frequent contact since.
Here is a picture of her youngest daughter with my youngest daughter. Click to see a larger image.
And here is a picture of her three and my four.
From Left to right is Austin -12, B. - 9, and Matthew - 3
Christopher - 10, A. - 6, R. - 11, and Sophie - 5 weeks.
In addition to spending time with my parents and his family, we also got to go to Faragut National Park in Idaho for a family reunion. My mom and her sisters and their families get together once a year for a long weekend campout. Since my dad could not stay the night and I did not want to camp with a baby, we drove back and forth each day (1 hour drive each way). My sister kept Austin and Christopher with her so they were able to stay the night. Matthew loved playing in the dirt as you can see.
It was so nice to spend the weekend with my sisters, Aunts and uncles, cousins, and all their kids. My oldest sister made me the nicest gifts ever, she is so talented. She scrapbooked a little brag book, and hand painted Sophia’s name on wooden letters, she also got her the most darling little outfit. All three were in Sophie’s colors, pink and brown, which I did not know were also my sister’s colors. I need to take and share some pictures, the scrapbook has got to be about the most gorgeous thing I have ever seen, I wish I had an ounce of her talent.
We also spent a lot of time up at their cabin in Priest Lake Idaho. The older boys stayed a little over a week up there with my parents, where the little ones and I drove back and forth a couple times (2 hour drive) since the cabin is unsafe with exposed electrical and a loft without rails. They are building it themselves, so they are waiting for inspections and such, and with my dad’s health issues, they did not expect the process to take so long. Since they are only a couple miles from the lake, we spent almost all our time at the lake. Click on the pictures below to see larger images.
Time flew by so fast, I only got to spend a couple hours with my best friend of 28 years, and my best friend of 14 years.
My mom started the potty for penny campaign with Matthew, and now he is almost potty trained, I am so proud! He is now peeing in the potty with maybe one or two accidents a day, and rarely needs reminding. Even more shocking is that he is pooping in the potty, something we could not get him to do when we almost had him trained a few months ago!
Leaving was bittersweet, I was so homesick and missed Bobby so much, but I did not want to leave either. I had such a wonderful time with my parents, and the boys were ready to leave me forever and live with their grandparents forever. My 11 year anniversary is tomorrow, and school starts in 2 weeks, so it was necessary to return. On the drive home, I did get some amazing pictures of Sophie, you can’t tell in the pictures, but her eyes almost looked violet in the light.
She was so good in the car, she only cried when she wanted to nurse. The rest of the time she either slept or just looked around contently, or smiling at her brothers.
My darling husband has a talent for stating something, and then having it happen.
Back in 1997 I discovered this when I was watching a movie about Saint Theresa, and how when she died the house she died in filled with roses. He was not paying attention and said “What? Mother Theresa died?” That was September 4th, 1997…. on September 5th, 1997 this world lost a great woman when Mother Theresa died.
He also put a ton of Chinese restaurants out of business when he told me that by us ordering from another place, and this “cheating” on our regular place we were going to put them under. One by one, he put three Chinese restaurants out of business.
There are countless other examples… but the most recent happened on Saturday. I got Bobby a new laptop at Best Buy to replace his four year old one that was dying. On Sunday he comments that we probably need to replace our modem, as it was a couple years old and probably far behind the times and a new one would give us more speed…. so who do you think I wanted to throttle this morning when I woke up and I had no internet?? A 30 minute call to tech-support revealed that my area was fine, Qwest was fine, I just could not connect to my ISP. Since Best Buy carries the Qwest DSL products we need and has a return policy, so I met Bobby at the store and we got a new modem.
We get it home, and the fun continues… we hook it up and encounter one silly problem after another, and when the Internet light fails to light up, I call tech support back. This time I am on the phone for an hour and nothing works. He tells me he has no choice but to send tech support out on Wednesday, but in a last desperate attempt tells me to unplug the modem and plug it in again. He is just about to put me on hold to get the appointment time, when the light comes on and ta-dah, we have internet!
While I was on the phone, our friends brought their 18 month old by. Matthew had a lot of fun playing with his new friend as he called her. At one point, they ran up to each other to hug and it was like the movie cliche of a couple running up to each other to hug, except for his little friend ran harder and knocked him onto his ass and landed right on top of him… where is the video camera when you need one? It was a total AFV moment.
Sophie’s little sheepy came in too, she loved her “soft”… this is a name my niece gave my parents sheep skin that they brought back from New Zealand; all the other grandbabies loved it so much, I wanted one for Sophie. Pictures and more plugs to come in the morning!!
Miss Sophie got to wear the onsie that was passed from Christopher to Matthew to her. This was the very first baby gift I received and [start geekyness] it was given to me by the Sysop of the BBS I had been a member of for 3? 4? maybe even 5? years of my life at that time. [/end geekyness]
Sophie was called a boy at Best Buy today… I told myself after 3 boys, if I ever had a daughter she would never leave doubt in anyone’s mind as to her gender. Oops!
This morning, Sabin was a furry door mat, this is how I found him when I opened my bedroom door:
When I got up, my house was 78 degrees! Why? Because Matthew decided to turn the thermostat up and then move the button over to heat! HOLY HECK it was hot! I think he was trying to prepare my friend Julia for 100 degree heat for her trip back home to Vegas. We were very sad to see her go.
I finally got a new phone!! Bye bye Razr, HELLO enV2!! I love this phone! It does not have TV like Bobby’s, but I don’t need no stinkin’ TV 
I just wanted a full QWERTY keyboard and good reception, so this is what I got: Lookie lookie! Mine is in Maroon though, it’s purty. 
Oh my goodness, what a freaking nightmare. I had my follow-up appointment that the ER requested I have and all is good, I am am sick and did not get an infection, YAY!
However this appointment did not come without drama. See, my old Dr’s office was acting all crabby about seeing me because I left them to have a homebirth, they were so snotty about it that it made me uncomfortable and I did not know what kind of reception I was going to get when I showed up in person. The customer service I received from the front desk and a nurse was so bad I decided it was time for me to find a new office to handle all my annual needs. The most disappointing part of the whole thing is I really wanted to show off my little one to my old midwife, Sharon.
The new office was very nice, and the staff was wonderful. They pretty much kidnapped me when I brought in Sophia, since I do not use an infant car seat and needed someone to hold her for my exam. They just adored her and never once blinked twice that I had an out-of-hospital birth.
After my own appointment, Sophie-Bug had her two week checkup with Jan. Not only is my chunky-monkey up to 7lbs 8oz (a 12oz gain from birth) she also grew a little over half an inch. She is still such a tiny little peanut, but it is reassuring she is getting enough to eat and growing well. Next she had her PKU and that was heartbreaking because her blood clots so well, poor Jan felt awful having to keep sticking her to get the required amount of blood on the test.
After that I went to visit Bobby at work, and as I pulled into the parking lot I look in my rear view mirror and notice an MP has pulled in right behind me, crap! So I was speeding and have a lovely $75 ticket because of my mistake. I did not even realize the speed limit was 30 and not 40 like it used to be, but no excuse, I will suck it up and pay my ticket because it is not worth it to me for Bobby to miss work for me to go to court and have to leave my little Sophie home with daddy and take a bottle for the first time… no way, I am not ready.
The best part of today is that my friend Julia, who moved to Nevada, showed up today and totally surprised me. I knew she was coming into town, but I was thinking she was coming next week. YAY!!
I knew I wanted this birth to be different. I wanted to fulfill my longtime dream of a home birth, but financially a hospital birth was more reasonable. However, after being dissatisfied with my first two midwives, and then having little issues come up with my third midwife, who then told me she was not delivering after April, I decided it was time to listen to my heart and follow my desires. A chance conversation on MDC (Mothering Dot Commune) with a local woman inspired me to start searching again for homebirth midwives for the third time, this time I spoke to Jan Eklund, whom I could tell had a great passion for midwifery and was willing to work with us financially.
Once I was at ease with my decision I informed my family, who were very uncomfortable with my decision, however they were able to put their own feelings aside to support me. My mom even decided to fly in during my 40th week of pregnancy in hopes of being here for the birth.
My due date, May 30th, came and went without more than Braxton Hicks. The 31st my mom flew in from Washington. On the 1st, my husband, kids and I packed a large picnic and ate it at a local park. That night at 7 pm I started having contractions 8 minutes apart lasting 3 minutes long and needing to be concentrated through. They continued all through the night slowing around 2 am and stopping at 4 am.
I was frustrated and Bobby and I were both exhausted from lack of sleep, so he took the day off from work to stay home with me (June 2nd). Austin and Christopher were acting wild and we were all tired, so I sent them outside to play on their scooter and bike so they would burn off some energy while Bobby and I tried to recover ours. Shortly after leaving, Christopher came in crying, he had fallen off his scooter and we decided it probably needed x-rayed so my mom and I took him to urgent care to get it looked at, sure enough it was broken and he needed to see the orthopedic specialist the next day to see if it needed a cast.
Tuesday morning, I woke up at 7 am no longer able to ignore the contractions that had been waking me in the night. Before he left for work, Bobby told me I had been groaning all night and he would reach over and feel my stomach and it would be hard. I called my midwife Jan and my doula Candace to let them know I may be in pre-labor. The contractions were stronger than the ones on Sunday, but irregular. I took a nap after lunch and they really started to intensify, to the point where I sent my mom and son off to the Ortho with my insurance card and a note because I did not think I would do well at the appointment.
Around 8 pm, on the 3rd, Jan called me to ask how I was doing because she was getting ready for bed and wanted to know if she should expect a call in the night or not, and after talking we decided she would come over just to check on me since I had canceled our appointment earlier that day. When she checked my progress, she said I was 4-5 cm dilated and 95% effaced and wanted to camp out because she felt this was the real deal.
I went ahead and called Candace and she called Kim, who was going to be my second doula, and they arrived around 10 pm. Once everyone got here, my contractions responded and started getting much stronger; however, they were in my back and required a lot of rubbing and counter pressure. Candace and Kim helped me find different positions to labor in and helped me with stair walking activities to make sure my baby was in a good position.
They also rubbed my back with the contractions and my feet and shoulders between them. Around midnight, the pressure was getting more intense so I asked if I could get in the tub, so Jan checked me again and told me I had not made a lot of progress, but she could probably stretch me to 7cm and I was ok to try laboring in the tub.
Once she stretched me, the contractions started coming a lot faster so the water of the birthing tub was heavenly. My contractions slowed and I was able to rest between them, but when they came on they were extremely intense and in my back. I was trying very hard to remain calm, but inside I was starting to feel panicky. Halfway into each of the rushes, I started grunting and pushing a little, but I still was not feeling the urge to push, I just wanted to vocalize and express the sensations I was feeling.
I remember hearing one of my doulas ask Jan if I was complete, she was in the tub with me, and I heard her say “don’t worry; she will push when she is ready”. Hearing these words gave me hope that I may be near the end. The back labor was like nothing I have ever felt before, I did not have the urge to push, yet my body was pushing the baby down and my support team was telling me to push through the sensations and it would feel better. I was feeling frustrated that I was doing all this work and nothing was happening, and the power I was feeling was very intense. I was roaring like a lion with each surge and clinging to my mom and husband for support. Soon I felt the most amazing thing ever as I could feel her coming down into the birth canal, it felt like I had a bowling ball inside of me and I was feeling so powerful, I pushed again and I heard the midwife exclaim the head was out. The rest of her just seemed to slide out and my baby was here! At 1:43 am on Wednesday, June 4th, 2008 my baby girl Sophia Elanna came into this world with open eyes and a very calm demeanor. She also was born with a nuchal hand (hand born next to her head) and I had a tiny “skid mark” which is a tiny abrasion, but not a single tear. I did not need any sort of repair.
The flood of emotions I was feeling was so intense, from trying to process the physical sensations I had felt, to having my baby there in my arms, to just feeling disbelief that I did it. I felt so powerful and even was able to climb out of the tub and onto my bed with little assistance while still holding my baby who had a very short cord. Not long after getting in bed, I delivered the placenta. This was amazing to me since I did not remember that part of my other deliveries, as they wasted no time in my hospital births and pulled it out almost immediately.
Everyone worked on cleaning up while I got a chance to bond and cuddle with my baby girl. She was so calm and wide eyed, and alert. She just took everything in, lifting her head to look around. Jan then did the newborn exam, her APGAR was 9, and she was 6 lbs 10 oz and 18 7/8th inches long.
When the cord stopped pulsating, and was ready to cut, my midwife asked Bobby if he wanted to do it and he declined, so I was about to cut it, but asked my mom to do it, since she was such a key element to my positive birth experience and I felt if anyone deserved the honor, it was her.
Around 3:30 am I took my shower, it was so wonderful, and by a little after 4 am, I was able to go to bed, however I do not think I slept at all until around 7 am when Bobby took her downstairs for a little while to get some cuddle time. Sophie is such a sweet, calm little baby; she is a cuddle bug and nursing like a champion. She does not really have a fussy time, but she does have times where she is active.
This birth, by far, was my most rewarding. Even though I had epidurals to take care of the physical pain in Christopher and Matthew’s hospital births, that could not take away the mental pain of regrets and dissatisfaction with all the interventions. Being in my own home, in my own comfort zone, with an amazing birth & support team, and the amazing techniques I learned from my Hypnobabies home study courses made the entire experience breathtakingly beautiful. I felt so calm, Zen-like during my birthing time, and I was able to handle each contraction as it came, and let it go when it left, and not think about the next one until it was upon me. My head space stayed clean and I never once felt like I could not handle it anymore and needed drugs. I cannot get over the feeling of accomplishment and pride I feel. I did it!
Special thanks to my doulas Candace (above) and Kim (below) who reminded me of my strength through the entire labor and birth, and who’s tireless hands comforted me through each contraction helping me keep my calm. And of course to my calm and collect midwife, Jan, who brought so much wisdom and experience to my birth, and for making it possible for me to fulfill my dream of a homebirth.
And I just had to include this picture, because it shows how tired my poor family is the morning of the birth.
And of course, thank you to my beautiful mother, who flew in to support me during my birth, even though she was uncomfortable with homebirth. She never once wavered in her unconditional love and support. She never once showed fear, even though she told me later she was scared when Sophie was taking a while to clear the mucous from her throat and we let her work it out without suction.
