Ok, so it’s been a while since I did a belly pic, so I figured I would go ahead and update and share the ginormous belly.

So, I had my 36 week appointment on Tuesday, all is well, I am measuring right on schedule. Sophia is head down in my pelvis with a good strong heartbeat and a stronger stubborn streak. Blood pressure was 112/68, so perfect. I still weigh less than pre-pregnancy by 5 lbs, which is right where my midwife is guessing Sophie’s weight… around 5 1/2 lbs. Next Tuesday I have my home visit, which I am really looking forward to.

However, today’s milestone of 37 weeks is exciting, because by all medical textbooks, today I am considered “term”, meaning if I have the baby today, she would not be considered premature… do I see her coming today, tomorrow, or even next week?? No, but hopefully soon, and definately in the next 6 weeks!

After picking up Austin from school, I took the boys to the post office so they can mail off their hair to Locks of Love and while we are there we got several cute comments from strangers.

Lady #1

Matthew was whining because he was tired and not knowing he wanted a nap. She commented “Isn’t it funny how when we are little we cry because we don’t want a nap, but then when we grow up be cry because all we want is a nap??”

Lady #2

We will call her “The Mystic” (TM)

TM: (Looking at Austin and Chris) Are they twins?
Chris: Nope, we are 16 months apart.
TM: You must hear that a lot, are you older?
Chris: Nope, he is older, and he’s adopted.
Me: Christopher, you are oversharing! (Feeling mortified for poor Austin)
TM: Amazing how much alike they look!
Me: They are biologically half brothers, but legally full brothers, they look like their daddy. (Still reeling from Christopher’s oversharing, poor Austin looks like he is stuck between bored to tears and annoyed at the conversation).
TM: And when is the little girl due?
Me: (Realizing I never mentioned I am having a girl) Next month
TM: That is wonderful! Little girls….. (I start tuning it out, I have heard it all before)
Me: Yup, we are excited, we were not trying for a specific gender because we knew we would love either one equally.
TM: What hospital are you delivering at?
Me: Oh, I am having her at home (waiting for the look of mortification I hear everyone gets in my family when they tell people I am having a home birth)
TM: Oh! That is wonderful! I had my son at home, we lived in Japan where my husband was stationed at it was the most wonderful experience!
Me: That is great, I read that 70% of women in Japan have their babies at home and they have better outcomes than here in the US.
TM: So you found a good midwife?
Me: Yes, she’s very experienced.
TM: That is wonderful, I wish all women would have their babies at home.
Lady #1 (L1): I had three of mine at home, I agree, all women should have their babies at home. In fact my friend has 6 kids and she had all hers at home too, but the last three she delivered without an attendant!
TM: Hospitals are for the sick and high risk. I hope you have a wonderful delivery.
L1: I agree, blessed birth to you!

As I leave about 3 other ladies and a man in line are all smiling some tell me congratulations, some tell me I have a beautiful family, some tell me good luck.

It’s amazing how one little old lady who just assumed I was having a little girl was able to start a conversation that transfixed an entire line for the post office.

Thirty five weeks. I should be excited, I mean that is a week away from my 9th month, but why does it feel like I have SO far to go?? I can safely birth at home in 2 weeks, but it also means I could still be another TWO MONTHS from having her too, especially since my babies like going overdue.

I cried to Bobby last night, I feel so done. I am so ready to have my sweet little baby now, but of course I know she is not done cooking yet and I don’t want her to come out before she is ready. However I wish I could fast forward to my birthing day so we can both be ready and I can skip over the next X weeks of wishing it was time now.

I saw my midwife today, it was a good visit, still no weight gain, blood pressure is fine, Sophie is still head down and has a nice strong heartbeat (130 bpm). She gave me my birth tub, and my supply list (looks like I have 80% of what I need on hand). Now I get to have a project gathering it all up and keeping it in one central location. I have one more bi-weekly visit Tuesday after next and then I have my home visit at 37w (May 13th) and then I am cleared to have my baby any time after that. I will have weekly visits from 38 weeks until my birthing time.

I do need to work on increasing my protein intake and increase the number of snacks I eat. I also checked out two videos from her birth library, one a documentary I was wanting to see, another which she said would be a great video to show the boys to make sure they are comfortable with birth. Bobby and I told the boys last night about the homebirth, and the expectations of being here (that they will have to get their own meals, entertain themselves, help with Matthew, and that we will not be giving them permission for anything, so they need to make their own judgment calls, since normally they ask before going outside or turning on video games). We also let them know our stances on them being in the room for the birth, I told them I ONLY want them there if they feel 100% comfortable since you cannot “un-see” birth and I do not want them to have any regrets. Bobby told them he did not want them there at all, but was willing to let them chose. We also told them we would not wake them, but that they are more than welcome to come in and see us after she is born if they are more comfortable waiting.

Both of my old OB offices still have not faxed her my records, even though I faxed them releases 2 weeks ago! They are supposed to have a 48h turn-around and I am getting irritated. She is going to call both of them today to remind them, but if they don’t fax them soon I am going to call and raise hell.

…but in one fell swoop today, I lost some major stressors and gained some minor ones.

No more concerns about what I feel is a faulty diagnosis of Gestational diabetes (Why I feel that way, summed up here by Henci Goer)

No more worry about who will watch my kids while I am in the hospital

No more stress of disagreeing with how over-managed my care has been (I have had TEN ultrasounds already, YIKES!!!)

No more stress about declining hospital policies I do not agree with (IV, continuous fetal monitoring, being pushed into an epidural)

No more stress about creeping suspicion that my hospital midwife was planning on finding an excuse to induce me at 38 weeks (weekly appointments scheduled once a week, months in advance that suddenly ceased at 38 weeks)

No more stress that cesarean sections kept being brought up in my appointments

No more hour long appointments EVERY SINGLE WEEK with me either under an ultrasound wand, or strapped to a monitor

No more stress from being told I could decline certain tests because they were unnecessary to being told suddenly it was no longer OK

No more being ignored when the NST monitor does not pick up the heartbeat because a wiggly baby and the alarm sounds for 5 minutes freaking out my 3 yr old, and then being ignored for 5-10 minutes after my timer goes off

No more freaking out about not liking the idea of driving 30 minutes to the hospital (I have two within minutes of my house, but not where my hospital midwife delivers)

And no more stressing about NOT wanting an OB again for as long as I shall live, and suddenly being forced to accept one

So after the last disastrous week being told that the last hospital midwife in town will not deliver me, I had a good cry, a ton of meditation, a lot of talking, a ton of additional research, and more prayer than I think I have ever done in my life, I decided I was going to seek out a home birth midwife. During this pregnancy, I have spoken with several midwives in town, all were in agreement that nothing in my past or present pregnancies makes me fall outside of the limits of the 95-98% of pregnant women who are good candidates for home birth. Not that, but the #1 most important job of a HB MW is not to catch the baby, but to know if a woman needs to be transfered to the hospital. From what I have read, 10-12% of women who start at home, will end up transfering. However less than 4% of those women who plan a homebirth will end up with a cesarean… compare that to a US average of over 30%. Is it a wonder why the US has some of the highest mortality rates in the WORLD?? This pamphlet, while hard to read because of the format, makes some wonderful points and quotes some wonderful studies.

So some minor stressors include:

Not everyone in my support circle are supportive

I now have another bill I will have to pay, although I have to say the HB MW is being VERY cool about it

Bobby and I are not in agreement about wanting the kids at the birth, although he has agreed to allow them, IF they want to be there

There is always the slight chance of being transfered, and in quite a few cases I have heard of medical staff not being very nice to women or their babies in cases where a homebirth attempt was made

I am worried about silly things, like homebirth etiquette and making sure everyone here has food to eat

I am worried about disappointing the staff at my old office, even though nothing they do or say will make me stay

So really, the “pros vs cons” list, no match-up whatsoever, especially so many of my worries of a hospital birth lead the things like a cesarean, which I just DO NOT have time to recover from with 3 active boys and a new baby girl.

…. for a much needed rant.

I seriously do not see how I could have any more drama can come up this pregnancy.

I found out today that my midwife will no longer be delivering babies after April. I will be 36 weeks when she delivers her last baby. The OB in the office will be doing 100% of all the births from here on out. He is a great guy and all, but he is an OB and is trained to look for problems. When I interviewed him and the midwife both in the practice, I was a LOT more in sync with the views of the midwife.

I seriously think the universe is giving me a much needed kick in the right direction.

• I first started questioning my care when the conflict of the gestational diabetes came up and she refused to work with me (considering my home testing numbers, retaking the test, or declining the test all together) and then when I learned I only failed by 2 points for a condition I do not agree really exists
• The second issue was my lack of childcare, my friend moved to another state this month, a totally positive move for her, but at the same time I was losing my best friend, my support team, and the only person I trusted to be there to watch the kids when I needed her. The alternate we planned on using also let us know she would be out of town during my birthing time. I told my husband if I was having a home birth this would not be an option.
• Then we had the issue with a mandatory c-section OR induction for a breech baby, thankfully she is still head down, but I would rather have a vaginal breech delivery than an induction of a vertex on
• Today’s visit and being told the care provider I trusted to give me my ideal birth will no longer be in attendance, how much more clear can we get than that?

Monday I am interviewing a home birth midwife who is in our price range, I just pray she is a perfect fit, because this feels right.

Last night I was talking to a friend in IMs about my lack of energy to clean my house, and took some pictures of my horrible messy house to share with her, since she was saying she has not been cleaning due to a newborn, toddler, and preschooler… sheesh, what excuse is THAT! (Joking of course, she has more reason than I do).

So last night I got inspired to put a shelf in Matthew’s closet, but the shelf I had was about 6 inches too tall, so I found the perfect one at Home Depot’s website and decided tomorrow we would go get it… thinking I could get his closet looking better and then sit my ass on the couch and relax the rest of the day feeling accomplished enough with cleaning an ENTIRE closet.

So here is the before, you may not be able to tell but I *did* have a four compartment cart in there that I put his blankets in and on. Of course you probably CANNOT tell because he tore it down and all that is left is the frame and of course the blankets.

Here is the after, I actually was able to put everything in the before shot on one shelf! I used the others to empty two drawers of Sophie’s dresser, boxes from the other side of the closet, and a ton of stuff from my room!

Ok, so since we are on the subject of the corner o’ baby stuff in my room I will show you the before and afters of it:

This is all the crap I had in there before. Swing, bed, clothes, fabric, diaper bag, baby book, etc.

And this is all that is left, but only because they are two boxes of cloth diapers (clean of course) that I need to wash before I can put them away, and then also my Hypnobabies home learning package box that I need to find another home for, and some bags of baby magazines I need to go through and my sarong I need to wash for birthing day.

Here is the after of where those big boxes ended up, this side used to be crammed full with more clothes, blankets, and the crib (which now nicely fits in the closet behind the new shelf and a couple rails in this side).

Ok, so I could not start on the closet and leave his room looking like the disaster it was, so I started picking up and organizing his toys, here is what I did with his “cubby” shelf:

The before of course, yikes!

And the after, much better!

Moving onto his shelf:

Need I even tell you this is the before?

And the after.

His bed, before.

And after.

This is the changing table & Sophia’s dresser, before.

And the changing table afterwards.

And some misc after pics, because a clean room is so much more fun to take pics of:

His dresser & his diaper stash.

And his shoes on the back of his door.

Another project I have been putting off is my freaking NASTY toilet seat. I took a belly pic with my toilet seat up and could not use them because the underside of my seat had been scrubbed so much the paint was coming off, so it was stained REALLY bad from anytime anyone was sick (think splatter, EWWWWWW!) Here is a tiny before, since it is so so bad.

Gross, gross, gross, GROSS! Can you believe a new seat was only $10? Had I known this, I would have replaced it when we moved in! I seriously think the old owners cleaned the seats with turpentine, the other bathroom needs a new seat as well (of course I notice this AFTER we get home with the first seat).

Another before. And no, we did not paint, it was the only room in the house that was not white when we moved in.

And here is the toilet after, amazing how much $10 can make over a bathroom!

Much like the new shelf in Matthew’s room inspired me to clean the room, the toilet seat accomplished the same thing.

This is the right side of my bathroom vanity before.

And after.

Center part of my vanity before.

…after.

Sink before.

The sink after, not TOO much of a change there.

I also vacuumed my entire upstairs, even my bathroom because the jackass designer of this house thinks bathrooms should be carpeted, gag. I also cleaned the upper shelves in my walk in closet where I keep the curtains for my family room I need to put back up, and also the shelf where I am keeping all my pre-pregnancy jeans. All in all, this ‘makeover’ cost a total of $70, $50 for the shelf, $10 for the toilet seat and the final $10 was for zip-ties and tax. The zip ties are for redneck baby-proofing, to make sure she crib and shelf is secured to the wall. I also had a ton of help from Austin and Christopher (and a little from Bobby, who claimed he wanted no part of my “wicked shenanigans”) and between 4-6 hours of time. We got one box together of items to donate to Goodwill when I hit the drive through on Thursday after my prenatal appointment, and one large garbage bag of garbage. I also got about three arm fulls of toys to add to his cubby from his toy box in the family room, which was getting too full to clothes. So two rooms down, nine rooms to go!!

I love it when you have a dream that is so realistic, that when you wake, you almost feel as if you are still in the dream.

Last night I had a dream about World of Warcraft, and online multi-player role playing game. I occasionally play, but Bobby spend most of his free time playing. Sometime this is an issue with me, sometimes not because he has always put us first when we need him. The dream though, really brought out my anger and frustration and blew them out of proportion. I woke up feeling abandon, neglected and unloved.

When I heard Matthew playing in the hall, I called him into my bed to cuddle me to make me feel better. Well, being that he is all of three years old, he was not interested in stroking my broken ego. I got maybe 2 minutes of being allowed to hold him before he was off again to conquer bigger and better tasks.

Now that I have had an outlet to vent I am starting to shake the feelings I had in the dream, but some of them are not entirely false, just blown way out of proportion. I look forward to again only having realistic carryover a few times a year, not a few times a month like I do when I am pregnant, they are very frustrating because they feel real, but I know they are not real.

Well, like I mentioned in my March 21st post, I have been taking measures to turn this little poopsie into a vertex (head down) position. One thing I did not mention, is that when I was doing my exercises to turn baby Sophie, one of the things I did was use my hypnobabies to get deep into hypnosis and envisioned her turning. That same night, I had the most vivid dream and I woke up Saturday telling Bobby I felt she had moved into a head-down position, but I did not want to get my hopes up until I knew for sure. So today when I had my ultrasound I was VERY excited to see a butt where her head had been last week! YAY! This is just one less thing I need to worry about.

In the last few weeks I will begin making sure she is in the optimum fetal position using the techniques on the Spinning Babies website.

Other than that, everything else was normal, blood pressure was great, still no weight gain, non-stress test was perfect, and everything looked wonderful in the biophysical profile. She is still stubborn, but she eventually cooperates and meets her movement requirements, does her practice breathing, and lets the tech see any vital organs. As a perk, I am reminded on a weekly basis this baby really is a girl, so maybe I will actually believe it by the time she is born.

So I decided to take another belly picture since it has been one week since my last one and I really feel like I have “popped” this week. Hopefully it is a result from a chance in position (specifically vertex, not breech), but we won’t know that until tomorrow, and even if she is head down, it does not mean in the next 8 weeks she won’t keep flipping back and forth, she has time.

Austin took this picture, so no bathroom lighting, no blurry pic, and no dirty mirror this time… sorry guys!

A lot happened this week, I started my 5th and final 2 week block of my hypnobabies classes, until delivery I will do a maintenance schedule of listening to the tracks I listened to earlier in my courses. I am feeling confident and excited for my quick and easy birthing day

I also met with my doula for my prenatal visit, man I love her! We discussed all of my concerns about breech, GD, delivery, a birth plan, etc. I will meet with her again next month and then again when I need her for the delivery…. yay!!