Austin and Christopher decided back in 2005 that they would like to start growing out their hair, like their dad had his when he was a teen. The glamor of long hair wore out last year when they started getting teased at school, but Austin said he would like to let it grow out long enough to be donated to the charity “Locks of Love”
Here is a before picture of my little boys:
Christopher with his hair all up in pig-tails before the big snip:
Austin, minus the long pigtails, but before the real hair cut:
The three boys after their hair cuts:
Monday after school we will hit the post office to mail their hair, the boys are loving their short new cuts and look forward to seeing the reaction they receive on Monday at school. I am so proud of my sons, they have put so much into this and taken a lot of crap because of it, but they feel it is worth it and have no regrets.
PS. To see the full photostream, make sure to visit the entire set on Flickr.
The other day I was grocery shopping and I overheard a middle age woman comment to a young mother with a large family “you know what causes that, right?” I should have said something, I felt bad for the mom who seemed taken aback by the comment. I did not understand why the older woman felt like sticking her nose into the mother’s business.
All 5 of the young children were healthy, clean, well mannered and the mom, though still being frugal about it, made her purchases with cash, not WIC or a state issued food assistance card. I don’t think the mom had these children because she was too stupid for birth control, they seemed naturally spaced, the youngest child contently nursed from his mother’s breast while being worn in the sling… Oh my, nursing in PUBLIC?? What would the older woman say if she noticed that??
This got me thinking to inappropriate comments I have received, specifically referring to my three sons. I can’t tell you how many times I am asked if I plan on trying for a girl… when did boys become the consultation prize? Did G-d put a child into my womb and say “Sorry, you did not win the prize this time, but take what is behind door number two so you won’t be sent home empty handed”. My usual response is that if we decide to have another it will be to have another baby, not play Russian roulette and only want one specific gender. The most offensive was when I was pregnant, the cashier asked if I knew the gender of the baby (as she is scanning 100% blue clothes, blankets, etc) and when she heard it was another boy she looked at my other two sons and said “Are you guys sad you are having a brother? I mean sisters are so much better, wouldn’t you rather have a sister?” Yeah, because *I* was the one who chose their genders, but come on! My oldest son was hoping for a brother, but my middle son was licking his wounds from being wrong on his guess and at the time was hoping for a sister. Anyways, I digress.
When did society think that the store was an appropriate place to lecture someone about reproduction? Obviously the young mom had read page one of a parenting book if she knew her kids needed to eat. I know people who are not that sophisticated. Also, it is not like this mom was at the drive through window with grubby kids screaming for a soda pop and fried chicken nuggets. If the store was the place to lecture parents on birth control, wouldn’t you think Planned Parenthood would have rented a pagoda at the front of the store? Maybe the wife could look over to her husband and say “honey, can you go pick up paper towels, and while you are on isle 7 get that vasectomy we have been wanting?”
To the woman at the grocery store.. please save your breath, find another medium for your cause. Volunteer at the woman’s shelter, help families in crisis, send an article into the newspaper about the importance of reducing your carbon footprint, or help raise money for a family who has an ailing family member and needs money to pay for cancer treatment. I don’t believe you said what you did out of malice, but it was in bad taste and only served to annoy the mother and other patrons in the store. Cut the mother some slack, her 5 kids were so much better than a lot of families I see with only one child. If you want to see some bad kids, go shop at Walmart, you will be running for the pharmacy section and popping headache medicine faster than you can say “wear a condom”.
To everyone else, think twice before you make “harmless” comments to mothers, our hearts are fragile from countless sleepless nights, an infinite number of kissed boo-boos and “I love you’s”. We have to deal with our children’s tears of disappointment when they don’t get what they want, lose their best friend, break up with their first crush, and get teased by the neighborhood bully.
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Now playing: John Mayer - Dreaming with a Broken Heart
via FoxyTunes
Today on the Science Channel I watched the coolest show called Eco-Tech, which is all about reducing our strain on the environment. This episode was about building homes that reduce your carbon footprint and save the planet. Since I tuned into the show a little late I have only been able to tour three different homes/concepts. The first was a wooden home with a house within a house that allowed the sun to heat the main wall and release the heat through the day to keep it hot in the winter, and in the summer it causes the heat to circulate through the attic and pull up the cool basement air. The homebuilder brags an 80% reduction in utility costs.
Even cooler were these biotectures called Earthships. These unique homes are made of earth and tires and bottles to make fully self sufficient homes that use about $100 a year in utility costs. These homes are completely independent and use no city utilities. It makes it’s own power, recycles rainwater, takes care of sewage and heats/cools itself.
The next thing they showed was paint that could last for 1,000 years, resists graffiti, mold, and breaks down carbon monoxide emitted from cars. They also showed windows that could control how much sunlight would be allowed through them and green rooftops on skyscrapers (rooftop gardens) which would reduce wastewater put into the sewage system, as well as lower the temperature on the roof and make the air conditioner work more efficient, as well as reducing pollutants in the air.
In my own home, I feel like I could be doing so much more to reduce my carbon footprints, yes I use CFL bulbs in almost all my light fixtures. We recycle and we have replaced all our old appliances with new energy star appliances. We use a HE washer and dryer to reduce the water I use, and we use cloth diapers on the baby. I am in the process of switching to all natural cleaning products and laundry soap to reduce the amounts of pollutants I put in the sewer. I know I could do SO MUCH MORE. I have all the supplies to build a clothesline, yet I still don’t have one because my backyard is so smelly from the lack of grass and overabundance of dog pee. I also don’t have a garden because again the dogs make the back yard unpleasant. I also could not justify the cost of a new tankless water heater, so we did go for a more efficient one than the old one, however I think the only way we will ever have higher efficient home is to start fresh and build our own home where we can recycle rainwater for landscaping, incorporate solar panels into the design, have a tankless water heater, use CFL, all energy star appliances, and possibly geothermal heating, cooling.
I think with a little more planning we all could take baby steps to reduce our carbon footprint and all live a little greener with tiny little changes that make less of an impact on our day to day living, but a great impact on the amount of strain on the planet.
I watched the movie last night Raising Cain: Boys in Focus and I was AMAZED at some of the things I saw and learned. This movie talked about many issues facing boys and young men from censorship of violent stories at school, an education system that does not understand how to teach this complex gender, peer pressure to conform to others to fit in, to how being fatherless or impoverished can affect our young men. If you have sons, are an educator, or work with boys, this movie is a must see. Even my husband found a lot of the information helpful, even if he did keep telling me I told you so.
The main focus of this movie is that we are not raising violent men by allowing violent writing and violent play. Boys who pretend to be cops and robbers, Sir Lancelot, Luke Skywalker, or a sub-machine gun wielding robot DO NOT turn into violent men. In fact a child is more likely to be permanently damaged by being told he cannot play these natural types of games. This carries into writing and reading as well and this is where the most profound quote hit home.
“Boys lag behind girls in literacy because schools discourage the things that they are interested in”.
This was said by Thomas Newkirk, who wrote the book Misreading Masculinity as he was explaining how the public school system is failing our boys by discouraging books that may interest them, or disallowing full creativity of stories that may be offensive to others. He goes on to say that boys should be allowed to write about things like death, or murder, as long as the subject of that story is not a classmate.
They showed an example of a young boy named Seth, who was in a pre-school or kindergarten where the teacher would sit down with each student and they would write a short story. At the end of the session the teacher would read the stories out loud to the other students in circle and they would discuss it. Seth wrote a little story about a unicorn and a horse, and a mean man killing the horse, so the unicorn turned around and killed the mean man. The girls were all very upset over this story, as horses should not be killed they said. Seth seemed heartbroken and they made a rule that stories could not be about dying, just fainting. The next day Seth could not focus during writing time and the teacher said the boy who normally would come to her with a story in mind without hesitation, suddenly had writers block and had a hard time coming up with anything to say. So the teacher talked to the children once more and they all agreed that it was OK for them to write about ‘bad guys’ dying, or getting killed; just not the ‘good guys’. Seth seemed pleased with this answer and his writers block cleared.
Now, imagine if your own 5 yr old is told to censor his writing, and that he cannot play with weapons, and he cannot ready books about magic and dragons because they are too violent. And this continues through age 6, 7, 8 and so on. Your child is told in order to get a passing grade in school they have to read from an approved list of books that are on things like horses, or living on a prairie, or the trials and tribulations of first grade, when they really want to be reading about knights and dragons, shark attacks and hacking and slashing through piles of venomous snakes to find the lost treasure. Can you see how through time they may lose their interest in education all together?
Boy are also active, where schools want you to sit down, stay still, and listen. Active boys need active play in order to keep their mind focused. When the movie talked about how schools are lessening or taking away recess time and how this is causing boys to have a harder time focusing, it made me think of Cesar Millan, the dog whisperer, who is always preaching that in order to calm the mind, you must exercise the mind. I think this is true for children too, and when we take away games such as tag, or football at recess, or take away recess all together, you are setting boys up for failure in school. It is no wonder when boys are asked their favorite subject in school they respond Gym, Lunch or Recess.
This year, Austin was fortunate enough to be in an all boys classroom, taught by a male teacher who focused on boy centered learning. The school has seen increased test scores from this program and Austin has seen grades higher than he has ever achieved before, from some B’s, but mostly A’s. I think this is a direct result of boy centered learning and I really look forward to when Christopher will also get to be in this same class.
Anyways, please go see this movie, either borrow it from the library, Netflix it, or even buy it. The wealth of information received from this documentary has been invaluable, and reassuring that I can be a good mom to these sensitive young boys in a world where public education and society is failing our sons.
You must read this! I am just dumbfounded.
Horrendous isn’t it?
Well, I am not exactly sure I should be admitting this, but names have been changed to protect the innocent, and I use that term loosely. A few years back, an adult relative told one of my children that she had cancer, just days after we lost my aunt Joanne to cancer. My son at the time was only about 5 or 6, and this is a family member who he loved dearly. With further prodding I learned that her ‘cancer’ was really pre-cancerous cells that were found during a pap-smear. She did not get cancer, the cells were frozen and she went on to lead a normal healthy life. My son however lived in fear for years that he would loose another loved one to cancer. I am not sure I will ever forgive her for using so little tact with my innocent baby. Well, a few months ago, I ordered this bracelet from MakeTheConnection.org, an educational website that teaches how a virus, HPV, can lead to cervical cancer. I got my free bracelet today. If I was not afraid of Karma biting me in the rear end, I would order an information kit for this person so they can know the truths about abnormal paps and how common HPV is, how it is spread and how one abnormal pap does NOT mean you have cancer and have the right to tell an innocent child that you do…. ok, the last part would not be in the information packet, but one could hope that one would draw that conclusion. Anyways, I am NOT having the information packet sent to her… but don’t tempt me! Lord please forgive me, for I am sure I have sinned!
Today I read a very moving article in Parenting magazine called “ The 5-Second Tragedy” about Shaken Baby Syndrome. Even as a mom of three, there were some facts that I did not know, such as how quickly a baby can suffer permanent damage, or even death; the average time is 5 to 15 seconds. I also did not know how often a baby or child is diagnosed, about 12,000 to 14,000 cases each year, with 25-30% of those children dying as a result of the trauma. Experts also believe that many more cases exist, but are not diagnosed because of the lack of external trauma to alert the parents or doctors.
The signs or shaken baby syndrome vary, which sometimes makes it hard for a parent, caregiver, or physician to find out the culprit and range from mild symptoms like irritability, tremors, vomiting, and lethargy (sounds like the flu, right?) to major symptoms like seizures, coma, stupor, or death. Please take your baby to the doctor even if there is a possibility they were shaken if they exhibit flu-like symptoms. SBS can cause long term disabilities, handicaps, learning disorders, behavioral problems, to severe problems like profound developmental and mental retardation, paralysis, blindness, the inability to eat or permanently being in a vegetative state.
If you suspect your baby has been shaken, a CT Scan or MRI can be ordered to rule out or confirm SBS; early diagnosis is important because it is proven children who suffer from SBS can make significant leaps and bounds with early intervention and physical therapy. It is also important to know that playing rough or short falls cannot cause enough damage to mimic the violent shaking motion that causes brain damage (http://www.dontshake.org/).
Anyone is capable of shaking a baby under pressure, even people who are well educated and well trained. However it is important to know the warning signs that may trigger someone to shake a baby. I found it interesting how often it is a man who is the culprit; one study found that the baby’s biological father was the shaker in 37 percent of the cases, and the mother’s boyfriend being the shaker in 21 percent of the cases.
Here are some guidelines from this website with valuable information about:
People who are at highest risk for shaking a baby are those who may have been abused as a child, may have problems with drugs, alcohol, depression, mental illness, or a poor support system.
And this website has some great coping skills, which include:
Coping skills that may help prevent child abuse include getting information about child development, health, which may help a parent or caregiver understand how to deal with crying and meet the baby or child’s needs. Parenting classes can be accessed through local hospitals, or Child and Family Services.
A support team is also important, friends, family, neighbors, all can offer advice or even a break when you are feeling overwhelmed is important.
Nap with your baby, or use that time to gather your bearings or relaxing so you feel refreshed when you baby wakes.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help; contact your support team, or if you are lacking a support team, call your local Child and Family Services, or Hospital to find resources, or counseling. Some towns even have a crisis nursery where you can take your child temporarily so you don’t become overwhelmed.
Babies use crying as their primary means of communication to tell you that they are hungry, tired, wet/soiled, lonely, scared, etc. Sometimes babies will cry for 15 minutes to an hour for no apparent reason at all. An average babies cried 1-5 hours each day for the first we months of life. At 6 weeks of age, crying may peak, and gradually lessen over time. Understand that colic, teething, stress, or illness can aggravate a baby and make the crying increase.
If you are feeling overwhelmed, call a friend or family member and ask them if they can come relieve you for a little while. Or put your baby in a safe place, like his/her crib and go to another room and take some steps to calm yourself. There are also hotlines you can call, like the ChildHelp hotline, 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) that you can call and discuss your feelings; sometimes just venting or having someone to listen can give you a new perspective.
If you shake your child, call 911 immediately. Sometimes the difference between a child living or suffering permanent injury, or death, is early assistance.
Please make sure you have a plan on how to cope with a crying baby, don’t be afraid to walk away if it means saving the life of a child. Also, never leave your baby with a caregiver when your caregiver is stressed or showing the warning signs above, or if your baby is under a lot of stress from colic, teething, or illness. And NEVER shake your child!!
