My darling husband has a talent for stating something, and then having it happen.

Back in 1997 I discovered this when I was watching a movie about Saint Theresa, and how when she died the house she died in filled with roses. He was not paying attention and said “What? Mother Theresa died?” That was September 4th, 1997…. on September 5th, 1997 this world lost a great woman when Mother Theresa died.

He also put a ton of Chinese restaurants out of business when he told me that by us ordering from another place, and this “cheating” on our regular place we were going to put them under. One by one, he put three Chinese restaurants out of business.

There are countless other examples… but the most recent happened on Saturday. I got Bobby a new laptop at Best Buy to replace his four year old one that was dying. On Sunday he comments that we probably need to replace our modem, as it was a couple years old and probably far behind the times and a new one would give us more speed…. so who do you think I wanted to throttle this morning when I woke up and I had no internet?? A 30 minute call to tech-support revealed that my area was fine, Qwest was fine, I just could not connect to my ISP. Since Best Buy carries the Qwest DSL products we need and has a return policy, so I met Bobby at the store and we got a new modem.

We get it home, and the fun continues… we hook it up and encounter one silly problem after another, and when the Internet light fails to light up, I call tech support back. This time I am on the phone for an hour and nothing works. He tells me he has no choice but to send tech support out on Wednesday, but in a last desperate attempt tells me to unplug the modem and plug it in again. He is just about to put me on hold to get the appointment time, when the light comes on and ta-dah, we have internet!

While I was on the phone, our friends brought their 18 month old by. Matthew had a lot of fun playing with his new friend as he called her. At one point, they ran up to each other to hug and it was like the movie cliche of a couple running up to each other to hug, except for his little friend ran harder and knocked him onto his ass and landed right on top of him… where is the video camera when you need one? It was a total AFV moment.

Sophie’s little sheepy came in too, she loved her “soft”… this is a name my niece gave my parents sheep skin that they brought back from New Zealand; all the other grandbabies loved it so much, I wanted one for Sophie. Pictures and more plugs to come in the morning!!

….every child expresses his or her creativity by modifying their personal appearance. Depending on the child, depends on the medium they use. Some use markers, some use makeup, and some use scissors.

Or, like my children, they use all of the above at one time or another. Last night, Matthew used them all, except when I was scraping aftershave out of my heating vents and scrubbing lipstick off his cheek I did not notice his new hairstyle.

This morning it became a little more apparent

So after Austin’s trip to Best Buy to spend his money he has been saving since Christmas, I dropped off Bobby and the kids and took Matthew to get his hair cut for the second time this week. The after looks almost as bad as the first because there is only so much you can do to fix someone else’s mistake.

As soon as he was finished with his haircut he ran behind the counter and said “I need a lollypop” and he had it in his mouth before I could even say no. Ugh.

…. for a much needed rant.

I seriously do not see how I could have any more drama can come up this pregnancy.

I found out today that my midwife will no longer be delivering babies after April. I will be 36 weeks when she delivers her last baby. The OB in the office will be doing 100% of all the births from here on out. He is a great guy and all, but he is an OB and is trained to look for problems. When I interviewed him and the midwife both in the practice, I was a LOT more in sync with the views of the midwife.

I seriously think the universe is giving me a much needed kick in the right direction.

• I first started questioning my care when the conflict of the gestational diabetes came up and she refused to work with me (considering my home testing numbers, retaking the test, or declining the test all together) and then when I learned I only failed by 2 points for a condition I do not agree really exists
• The second issue was my lack of childcare, my friend moved to another state this month, a totally positive move for her, but at the same time I was losing my best friend, my support team, and the only person I trusted to be there to watch the kids when I needed her. The alternate we planned on using also let us know she would be out of town during my birthing time. I told my husband if I was having a home birth this would not be an option.
• Then we had the issue with a mandatory c-section OR induction for a breech baby, thankfully she is still head down, but I would rather have a vaginal breech delivery than an induction of a vertex on
• Today’s visit and being told the care provider I trusted to give me my ideal birth will no longer be in attendance, how much more clear can we get than that?

Monday I am interviewing a home birth midwife who is in our price range, I just pray she is a perfect fit, because this feels right.

I love it when you have a dream that is so realistic, that when you wake, you almost feel as if you are still in the dream.

Last night I had a dream about World of Warcraft, and online multi-player role playing game. I occasionally play, but Bobby spend most of his free time playing. Sometime this is an issue with me, sometimes not because he has always put us first when we need him. The dream though, really brought out my anger and frustration and blew them out of proportion. I woke up feeling abandon, neglected and unloved.

When I heard Matthew playing in the hall, I called him into my bed to cuddle me to make me feel better. Well, being that he is all of three years old, he was not interested in stroking my broken ego. I got maybe 2 minutes of being allowed to hold him before he was off again to conquer bigger and better tasks.

Now that I have had an outlet to vent I am starting to shake the feelings I had in the dream, but some of them are not entirely false, just blown way out of proportion. I look forward to again only having realistic carryover a few times a year, not a few times a month like I do when I am pregnant, they are very frustrating because they feel real, but I know they are not real.

This morning my midwife called me personally to let me know I failed my three hour gestational diabetes test and now have the official diagnoses of Gestational Diabetes. I am so bummed, I can’t believe with everything else I have on my plate, that now I have another huge issue to worry about. Seriously guys, I cannot HANDLE any more stress!!!

Tomorrow I will see my midwife for my normal 28 week appointment, and afterwards I get to schedule all my BPP (biophysical profile) ultrasounds which will be 1 week apart until I deliver from what I am gathering, not sure if they will start now, or in 2-4 weeks from now. I will also have to see a dietician and start monitoring my blood glucose levels at home.

Now this is where I am stressed about the whole thing…. I have been trying my hardest to make this pregnancy as minimally medically managed as possible. I want a natural hospital delivery without an epidural or any other analgesic. This also means I want to avoid an IV, continuous fetal monitor, artificial rupture of membranes and most importantly, I want to avoid induction and pitocin.

The more “high risk” this pregnancy gets labeled, the more these wishes seem to be slipping away. Tomorrow I will talk to my midwife about these concerns and hopefully she will give me good news and tell me that as long as I “manage” my GD, I will be low risk and still get to stick with my birth plans, but only time will tell.

Damn I am so bummed.

Oh my goodness, the tax stuff this year has me wanting to pull my hair out.

First, we waited FOREVER from a W-2 from his college, it just came yesterday, so I was thrilled to be able to finally file… however, because one of our forms we did is one of the four forms the IRA is not accepting until at least the 11th I went ahead and filed, having the online Tax place hold it for e-file until the forms will be accepted.

So today… what do I get but another form!! This time a 1099-Misc from freelance writing that I was not expecting. I made $75 more than what I would not have to claim, so now I have to amend my taxes. Worse yet, because they do not deduct taxes, I will end up OWING! It looks to be around $200 from first glance. CRAP. We already owe the state $600 (plus whatever this little surprise will cost us) in taxes and my real estate taxes are $800 and due too. Since our federal return is going 100% to paying off his car, that leaves around $1600 we owe, and soon, that we don’t have the money to pay all at once!! Hopefully the economic relief (which I am SO against) will come and then we can put that towards the “economy”… a la taxes… woot!

This is just frustrating enough to be comical….especially since I have not done much freelancing, or so I thought!

I remember when tax time used to be FUN!!

My freaking hormones are driving me mad insane. I keep crying at everything, some logical, some very irrational things. One of my darling children left the dogs in the house this morning before they went to school. I won’t name names, because it is pointless, but I know I have mentioned on more than one occasion that my Great Dane will tear my house to shreds given the chance that she is “alone”. Normally I am up before the last child leaves the house, but this morning my youngest decided to snooze in an hour later than normal instead of being my 7:15-7:30 alarm clock. By the time I cam downstairs at 8:15 my house was in shambles. Lost were several DVD cases, a bunch of papers, a CD case, my hair brush, more pieces of my area rug, new chew holes placed in my shoes and 2 of my 6 Hypnobabies CDs. Ok, so THOSE were some earned tears, I could buy three new Great Danes in what I have spent on replacing stuff she has ruined. Of course I wouldn’t, but it is just that frustrating to think about.

Of course normal TV shows caused me to cry, then a story about a lactavist who set up a safe place to breastfeed at a gathering after being told she could not shade her and her infant years before.

Other than the hormonal outbursts, the day was pretty mundane, a friend came over to visit, I mailed off a check to the doula I want to hire, played around with the tax program, and pouted about my shoes & CDs. I just don’t have the money to replace any of them right now, and I needed them like yesterday. Tomorrow is another day, right?

Today was supposed be Austin & Christopher’s first day back to school after a LONG, LOOOOOOOOOOONG winter break, but the school had other plans and I guess we missed the start date and assumed it was today.

Nope, it’s tomorrow. I leaned this after Austin called me to ask if I wanted him to walk home or if I would pick him up from school. W.T.F??? Why would I be picking you up from school 15 minutes before classes start?? He then explains there is no school today, so I get dressed and drive to get him in my freezing ass van. The heat was on full blast the entire time, but of course never kicked on. Twenty-damn-degree weather is NOT the time to have no heat, and totally not a great way to start the day. Bobby also showed me the hideous clicking noise it makes instead of cooling. Lovely. A full year without heating, cooling, and four kids ages 12-newborn… how ever did I get so lucky?? Oprah needs to give me a new van, otherwise my only hope of having a vehicle that keeps the passengers happy, does not turn my driveway into an oil slick, and does not smell like death warmed over every time it is started is some rich long lost relative kicking it and leaving me their fortune. Otherwise I just don’t see us having the $37k I would need for a van anytime this decade. At least in a year when my POS-car is paid off I can justify a car payment.

I am exhausted. I got two hours of sleep total last night in 30 minute increments. The dogs are at my feet with horrible gas, and I am hungry and feeling quite nauseous. The worlds-crankiest-toddler has decided today would be a great day for fits and tantrums… because he did not want a clean diaper, did not want to eat, and lord forbid I watch the news this morning instead of Sesame Street or the Wiggles. This is of course after he dominated the television for an hour.

I just want to crawl back in bed and emerge to happy kids and a working vehicle.

I hate my van, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it! I should have taken it back the moment we got it home and it started leaving oil spots on my driveway, or sold it when the dealership could not fix the leak the first, second, third, fourth, or even FIFTH time I had it in for a visit. The perpetual overheating smell it lovely, even when you drive it two blocks to the store. I have cussed at it all winter long when I go start it at 7:00 to find it still blowing cold air at 7:15 and get home from taking Austin to school at 7:35 JUST for it to start warming up. Today takes the cake though, I get two blocks away to a stop light and it sounds like I have a pain can full of marbles in the paint mixer coming from the dash of my car. It was the most hideous sound ever to where the baby was saying “too loud mommy, too loud!” and Bobby could hear it through the cell phone when I called to bitch. I wish it was paid off, I really do, because I want nothing more just to get rid of it and get something that is not falling apart at my fingertips!

Seriously people… it is Friday, you don’t have to act like fools because the weekend is here. How many jerks can I encounter in a 10 minute drive??

To the man in the Suburban: If you plan on disregarding the STOP sign and pulling out in front of me, can you at LEAST have the decency to go the speed limit?? Going 15 under is going to do nothing but piss off the drivers you illegally pulled in front of. I understand that reading a stop sign may be too difficult, but if the speed limit sign says 35, could you please at least match up the number on your odometer that looks the same? I get that you are driving a beater, and it may not go that fast, but WHY on earth were you heading to a road with a 50 MPH speed limit?? You can’t even make it up to 35! However after meeting asshole #2, I guess you are just a mini-hole.

To the MAIN asshole in the green SUV: Your kids go to the same school as mine, which means I see you 2x a day. WHY do you have to act like the world’s biggest (or maybe I should say littlest?) prick? Let me educate you on something… the little yellow lane in the middle of the road is called a turn lane, to allow you to turn onto residential streets. It was NEVER intended to be a passing lane. If a truck stalls and takes up the right lane, and also takes up the middle lane, it is STILL first come first serve on who gets to go first. Since I was there first, that would be ME, not you. You do NOT have the right to zip around me just because the stick up your ass is pinching you and causing you physical pain. A nice head on collision might be a nice refresher on how to drive, but no one deserves to be injured at the hands of your road rage. The 30 seconds you saved by speeding past me is NOT WORTH THE LIVES OF YOU CHILDREN!! And VERY not worth the lives of my own children. Had I been an inpatient prick like you, you would have slammed into the back of my car and I would have sued you for everything you own, including the shirt on your back. Take a pill and calm the fuck down buddy, we ALL have to share the road.

To the police department: Sorry you are so understaffed, overworked, and underpaid, we could have really used the revenue from these assholes to balance the city budget.