It has been nearly a week since I left my house. Saturday the older kids and I took down the Christmas tree while the little three napped. Let me tell you, pine water does NOT clean like pine-sol. We tossed the tree over the back deck and the plan was to take it to the dump the next day. I ended up not going because I had someone coming to buy some furniture from Craig’s List. When Liam woke up from his nap, the moment he saw the tree was gone, he burst into tears, poor little sweetie was so sad his tree was gone. That night we got some snow, not a lot, but enough that I didn’t want to leave the house, as I need new tires.

By Monday it was a huge mess, we kept getting more and more snow. They canceled school on Tuesday, and the kids were so happy to have a four day weekend. Wednesday we got a huge storm and had over a foot of snow. For this area, that is a lot. I had the boys shovel the walk, in case it iced over, and it did. Thursday morning I heard my sleep number bed clicking, which told me we had lost power. And indeed we did. I knew we were running low on staples, and the only gas in my home is a gas fireplace that we did not have the gas key too, and that has never worked. We had enough cereal for that day, and we had stuff for sandwiches, but none of my meat was thawed, so I BBQed some potatoes in foil and we topped them with cheese, sour cream, and bacon chunks. The sun had set, so we were enjoying dinner by candle light, with plans of all the kids and I sleeping close in proximity, when the lights came on.

Now, we were excited, but not convinced they would STAY on, because they had been flickering on and off all day. One time Austin said “I hope we have lights by bedtime” and I said “I hope we have lights right. now.” raising my hands to my ceiling… and just then the lights turned on! But were off almost immediately. As soon as it was clear the lights were on to stay, we sprang into action. One kid heated up leftover meatloaf and green beans to go with our dinner. Another kid plugged in all portable electronics, cell phones and the space heater. I turned up the furnace and made sure the pilot was on. We did not have high hopes it would last. 200,000 people in this area were without power, and could be for up to a week, so I did not think we would be one of the lucky ones to get lights within 12 hours. The new housing development behind us was not as lucky. A full 24 hours later, their windows are still dark.

In the night we lost most of our tree branches on our shade tree in the front yard, all barely missing my car. My neighbor was also fortunate that her large tree, that lost its largest branches, also missed her cars. Our enormous tree in the back yard was leaning, and it was clear it would probably come down. There were concerns it would take the fence with it, but my neighbor and I watched as it tipped, and then broke off, landing a few inches from the fences. Until the ice melts and we can move the branches, I will be stuck in my driveway. The kids have had a full week without school. Power flickered off again this afternoon, and I let out a string of profanity, but thankfully it came on before I could add a 6th word to my diatribe.

I also got a nice long nap this afternoon which was MUCH needed as I have been sick since earlier this week with a cold that has now settled deeply into my lungs. Christopher and Matthew have also been sick. Between the three of us, I think I have lost half a bottle of Tylenol, and most of a box of Kleenex.

We live all the way up here in Minnesota and it’s been hard being away from my family. When we first moved in I got Internet Minnesota for the house because I wanted to be able to email and chat with my sisters like I always had and that’s the truth. I love being part of their lives and I didn’t want to miss anything just because I lived farther away so I did what I could to make sure I was taking things seriously. I love that there are so many ways to keep in touch but that doesn’t mean I don’t miss our weekly dinners at mom’s house – I miss being able to hug them and their children but I’m going to make sure I’m going down to visit as often as humanly possible. I love that there are so many holidays and occasions that warrant a visit but if you ask me there aren’t enough. I wish I could see them every single month but that’s just not in the

So if you had any effect from post holiday blues, what did you do to shake the funk??

Because he missed Thanksgiving because he was traveling, I made him a complete turkey dinner with all the fixings. We also had a great Christmas and got our very first live tree, and went to a tree farm to get it. Then, for new years, my sisters and I all went to my moms house and had an incredible weekend together. The kids did an ornament exchange and my mom made a huge, wonderful, dinner for the 22 of us. Today, the fun was all over. The kids went back to school. Bobby boarded a plane back to Afghanistan (via Paris and Dubai). Thankfully I was so busy with driving to Seattle, and first of the month errands that reality has not yet set in. I am sure as we transition back into our old routine, that will change and we will all struggle in our own ways, until once again we get back into routine and it will get easy again. Until then, I will continue to hug my kids extra close, and remind them how special and loved they are.

I asked God for a daughter. And he gave me a son.
He grew in my heart, and not in my womb.
And I praised Him. And I loved my boy.

I asked God for a baby. And he made me wait.
I loved on my sons. And I praised Him.
I accepted His plan, for just two sons, and he filled my womb.

I asked God for a daughter. And he gave me a son.
And I cried. But I praised him. And I loved my boy.

I asked God for a baby. And he made me wait.
I loved on my sons. And I praised Him.
I accepted His plan, for just three sons, and he filled my womb.

I asked God to give me whatever he wanted, I just wanted him/her healthy.
And he gave me a daughter. And I praised Him.
He made her three times as girly. Three times as sassy. Three times as sweet.
And I praised him. I loved my girl. He completed my family.

He filled my womb, which came as a shock. But I praised him.
And I said “PLEASE GOD, MAKE HIM A SON!”
And he did. For God does not give you more than you can handle.

I hate that my husband deals with chronic pain. I would take that burden from him in a heartbeat if I could, and it would STILL be worth every single struggle. I once saw an interview with a young Native American teenager who said he would chose the muddy road over easy street, because only the man who struggled and built his muscles on the muddy road emerges a warrior.

I do a lot of things really well. I am a fairly decent housekeeper, I am pretty good at my job, and I pay my bills on time. Know what I don’t do well? Remember to lock my front door. It is a legitimate problem, because no matter how safe your neighborhood is, leaving your front door open is just asking for trouble, really. The good news is I never forget to set my ADT TUCSON alarm. So although I am offering anyone the opportunity to just walk right in my door and steal every one of my worldly possessions, there will be a very loud alarm going off as they do so. I feel like it improves our odds at least a little bit. Kind of like I’m saying “Oh hey guys, come on in and take a look around!” but then when they do run in and try to rob us blind, the alarm starts blaring and the alarm company is called. It’s the best I can hope for at this point, because I know I’m not going to remember to lock the front door.

Meet my “grandbaby” Lucifer. Isn’t he a peach? Austin says his back story is that he was born a stillborn and he had to make a deal with the devil to bring him back. His teacher asked if he watched horror movies. He’s such a goober. Tonight at dinner, Austin was holding Liam and had Lucy, I will call him, on the counter. Austin goes “Look Liam, it is your new nephew!” and Liam says “NOOO! UH-UH!!” which had us all immediately cracking up. He has never said either of those words, and I will often say “uh-uh” when someone is touching something they are not supposed to. For the rest of the night, we all kept repeating “Noooo! Uh-uh!” This kid is a riot. Not even 9 months old and already he knows the punchline.

For the last three days, I have been haunted by a dream. Not the events in the dream, but the house in the dream. It is not a house I recognize, it is not even a house I can picture myself in (it appears older, and run down). But for the last several years, I see this same house. Only the back yard, and very specific details. A converted unattached garage at the back left corner of the property, the garage has been converted to a mother in law apartment with access to an alley in the back, and into the yard on the side. It is a small studio with a bathroom, and kitchenette. On the very back of the property is a chain link fence, and a garden that spans the entire back of the property, but is only about 8 feet wide with a small rock path from the garage to the back yard. In front of the garden is another fenced in area, this one not as long, just as wide with a worn out wire fence. Half the yard is flat, then it inclines leading into a walk-out basement. On the main floor of the house there is a large deck, and one more floor above that. The house is blue, or green, and barren of any sort of foliage. I cannot tell what area this house is in, although it has green grass, so we can rule out Texas or Colorado. LOL

The dreams itself vary, and usually don’t stick with me, as much as this house. I have very briefly seen the inside, but it seems that the back yard is the most significant element. The last dream I had involved finding out the mother in law apartment had been broken into, and a mother, father, and toddler were living in there unbeknownst to us. We ended up finding out they were legal immigrants who could not make ends meet and had recently lost their home. We agreed to let them stay and furnished the home with stuff we had in the house, allowing them to stay rent free and feeding them meals, in exchange for help around the house in the evenings. I babysat the little boy for a few hours while they worked to get some money saved to get a place of their own. This part of the dream seemed sort of injected into a dream that focused mainly on the back yard. I just wish I knew what it meant.

So instead of moving the kids into the room with the bunk beds, I left the loft portion of the bed in the playroom and removed the latter, and put the bottom bed into Sophie’s room. We got two large bags of clothes out of dressers to go to Goodwill, and packed up NINE totes of toys, each tote holding 11 gallons, which will be stored in our storage room until we rotate them in, and move other toys out. It was hard to let go of a lot of the clothes. In the process I also donated the last of my scrub sets. It was a hard decision, I always thought about going back to nursing school, or working as a nurse aide again, but it just does not make sense to store them any longer, especially when I can easily get more at places like http://www.blueskyscrubs.com/ so easily.

I am tickled at how well the two rooms look, and it will be very easy to move Liam’s crib into the play room once he is ready to leave our room. Bedtime has not been as seamless, 6 days later we are still struggling with them falling asleep in a timely matter. We are still dealing with fighting and tattling, but either in time I will grow immune, or they will chill it out. Another perk, I now have a “guest room”, so as long as you don’t mind literally climbing into bed, or sleeping in a room filled with toys.

Next on the agenda, is going to be going through my kitchen to get rid of dishes, and appliances I no longer need. Taking a trip to the dump, and getting my storage room back in control.

Evey time she opened her mouth to whine, I slowly felt my sanity slipping away that I was clawing at to keep a small grasp on. But I pushed on, I knew I had to be productive. First I tried to find my wool shaver, Liam’s wool diaper was looking kind of pilly. I searched high and low and could not find it, so I moved on and started soaking some covers in the sink. While searching for the shaver, I gathered some other items I needed for knitting later today when I get a chance. I turned around and Sophie was holding a handful of stitch markers she had taken off with a week before. We had searched high and low, but they never turned up. All we had to do was look on top of my comforter, under the throw at the foot of my bed. Well duh, what an obvious place!

I knew all hell would break loose if I set foot in my kitchen, so by 10am I still had not had breakfast or a second cup of coffee. Even when I removed the cup of water she set on my laptop, I moved it to the kitchen table just so I would not have to hear her flip out if I walked by the fridge. However, now I was at an impasse, if I wanted to put away the stitch markers, I would have to go into the kitchen to put them back in the container. Again, not where I had it, and not where I would look, but unfortunately, there it was. True to form, she started her “I’m hungry” chant, so I figured if I was in for a penny I was in for a pound. I made another cup of coffee, and cut a slice of cake, yes, cake for breakfast. In my defense, I added walnuts to it last night and called it coffee cake, and coffee cake is breakfast cake, right?

I finally think my day is looking back up. Sophie is watching TV next to me, letting me write this. I will feed her an early lunch here in a couple minutes, I am hoping she will take a nap, or at least lay down, while Liam is down for his nap. I am hoping he gets a good nap, I had a hard time getting him down, Sophie would not leave my room as I was laying him in his crib. Scratch this, the garbage truck came to pick up my trash, and now he’s crying. I think I need more coffee and cake.

Today I had to spot clean dirt tracked in from the dog, the 3 year old, red sauce in the dining room, and a mystery spot in the living room, all this within seven days of cleaning the entire upstairs. I am lucky though that I have a decent carpet cleaner, and a mini cleaner that I can do touch ups with. However, the very best cleaners in the world cannot help me when it comes to the task I have been putting off, cleaning my sofa and chairs.

Cleaning my sofas and chairs is a job that to me is ten thousand times worse than carpet cleaning, especially with my microfiber sofa and dining room chairs. They boast that they are easy to clean, which I agree, they release stains easily… however, I always feel like I am not doing a good enough job because I leave streaks and lines behind. My husband talked me into a light colored reclining sofa when we moved here 18 months ago, and it was probably the worse purchase I have ever made. Not only is it falling apart from all the moving parts, but it is white!? Need I say more? Any kind of water I get one this thing leaves water spots and it looks worse than it did before. I should probably invest in a visit from a professional cleaner, but part of me just wants to go buy a new couch, and leave my husband out of the decision making process.

Image courtesy of http://www.thesteamteam.com/ for upholstery cleaning services austin.

Liam has a bit of a summer cold, with a bit of a wheezy unproductive cough, so I figured a hot shower might do some good and moving some of his phlegm. All went well, until I laid him on my bed, turned to grab a diaper and said to him “do not pee on my bed”. I may as well have just given him a formal invitation to whiz on my bed, because sure enough, he crawled forward, and there was a nice big puddle on my sheets.

I forgot rule #1, you manifest what you ask for, and by telling him not to pee on my bed, the universe hear “pee on bed”, just like my sweet boy. Ever wonder why when you say “I am not going to throw up, I am not going to throw up” your body hears “time to puke?” The word “not” is just too complicated. Try telling your kids “do not wipe your hands on your pants”, do they grab a napkin? No way! The second you say that, their hands go right for their jeans and wipe peanut butter all over their lap. Next time, say “napkin please!” and hand them a napkin. I bet they will spare their pants.

The word “not” goes missing in a lot of things in life (and any negative statement for that reason). Pay your bills, buy groceries and fill your car up with gas, tell yourself “I am so broke” when you have only a couple hundred dollars in the account, and an unexpected expense will come up. Some say “that is so ironic”, it is not irony, it is you communicating what you want. Just like you teach others how to treat you, you teach the universe how to treat you.

I use the word “universe” here, but it may mean many things. The creator, God, fate, your body, destiny, etc., it really just depends on your belief of how things work. Really watch your self-speak for a week or so, and see how you manifest your own destiny. Tell a friend “my brother is coming for a visit, he’s such a pain in the neck”. The day of his visit, you wake up with a stiff neck… wonder why? You told your body to manifest the stress you are feeling over his visit literally.

Back to Liam peeing on my bed. In the end, his action was a positive one, as I was stripping my bed grumbling about them needing washed, I noticed some clean sheets I had folded and laid out at the foot of my bed last week. I had planned on putting clean sheets on my bed, but then never got around to it. This was just another way I was being nudged to do the right thing and be productive.

Seriously. BEST mother’s day gift EVER. I tease my husband he got me addicted to coffee to get me to quit harping on him for his cigar addiction. Well dangit, it worked.

While in Portland, I missed my new lover so much. I walked by many Starbucks and City Coffees, which were just teases because it wasn’t even 7pm and they were CLOSED! I could make a cup or two in my room, but the taste was not as good as my Tully’s or Wolfgang Puck flavors. In a sample pack I got some Chef’s Reserve Colombian Decaf and I was thinking “decaf?! Why in the hell would I want THAT?!?” Well, around 10pm I was jonsing for a good cup o joe, I had some convenience store brew on the way home that was just not that lovely, and then got busy with unpacking, kids, and laundry, so when that craving hit I almost cried when I saw how late it was until I spun my little k-cup carousel and saw my petite little k-cup-o-decaf. *swoon*

Not only is it heaven in my mouth, but it shouldn’t prevent me from melting into my bed. Ohhhh how I missed my bed. The hotel beds were fantastic, but how wonderful can they be when the baby is co-sleeping and figured he can have around the clock access to the breast he normally does not demand 3 feet away from me in his crib and a 3 year old kicking me.

However, the apple who tried to fill my craving for a doughnut…. while I do give it an A for effort for trying, gets an F for completion.