Mistakes in Motherhood

I have been so very busy. On May 7th, the day before Mother’s Day, I declared I was going to proclaim today as my mother’s day. My oldest son presented me with a card he bought and he and all his siblings filled out. He traced Sophie and Liam’s hand on it. He also had gone to three different different store looking for a specific candy I like without luck, and settled on three of my favorite candy bars. Our sweet neighbor gave him a pretty gift box. Matthew planted me a plant in a flower pot he decorated, and made me a card. My husband told me if I didn’t go buy myself a Keurig, he would buy one for me, spend a lot more, and have to mail it to me.

I was also feeling sentimental, so I sent Austin’s birth mom a text message thanking her for allowing me to be his mommy. She called me right back and we talked for about 30 minutes. It was nice to hear that she had no regrets, I have always worried she consented to the adoption out of desperation, and not because she truly wanted the best for him.

On Sunday, Austin turned 15. This is why I did Mother’s Day early. I knew he would make a fuss about it, and I didn’t want anything to distract him from his birthday. The little stinker still did, he made me breakfast in bed, and made eggs and bacon for the little ones. For his birthday dinner, he wanted me to make him BBQ Ribs on the grill. I also made corn bread and green beans. It was delicious. He played with his friends most of the day, he literally came home when the street lights came on. It was glorious. Our gift was delivered on Monday, a trampoline! The “t” was partially obscured on the package, so now the kids call it “the rampoline”.

For three days Austin and I built the rampoline together. Christopher helped keep the little three busy. I may or may not have taught Austin some new words as we stretched springs, and pulled safety nets tight. On the first day, I took a break for dinner, and just when I was about to put the last 5 of 8 safety net poles up, I asked Austin “do you smell something chemically??” He looked downstairs, and I looked in my bathroom, and I do believe my head exploded. That is a full bottle of deep purple nail polish, and some bare minerals face powder. I scrubbed on that thing for probably 6 hours (I was up until 3am) and I managed to lighten it to a lilac color, but it didn’t come out. I will need to replace the carpet in my bathroom. Right now it is half vinyl, half carpet, and I am hoping our landlord will let us rip out all the flooring in the bathroom and replace it with coordinating vinyl.
Liam is growing so fast, too fast. His new name is Mr. Grabbyhands. He has learned how to play with the toys on his bouncer to activate music. He has also learned how to make mama yelp in pain by grabbing onto a huge handful of hair and yanking really hard. He also can roll from his belly to his back, and most recently his back to his belly.

No Comments | In: A lot about nothing, People, Places & Things | tags: Adoption, Austin, Christopher, Domestic Diva, Family, House Stuff, Liam, Milestones, Parenting, Updates. | #

Austin is thirteen today, THIRTEEN, 1-3. Holy cow how did that happen?!? Normally one would lament on the day their baby was born, but I feel truly blessed that I have SO much more I can lament on. I can remember the day like it was yesterday when I met him the first time. He was 2 1/2, in a red shirt and blue jean overalls. He was so tiny, but I got a glimpse of what Christopher would look like in another 18 months. I also remember one year later, the day he came home, I remember him smoothing out his quilt on his bed my sister made for him. He kept asking over and over if that was really his own bed.

The years flew by with so many unforgettable memories. Him calling me mom for the first time. Him wrapping his arms around me and telling me he loves me. First day of Kindergarten, losing his first tooth, riding his first airplane, riding on the back of my dad’s Harley and then telling me he did not even hold on half the time. His personality started coming out more and more and I adored the little person he was turning into. He is compassionate, caring, funny, smart, but at the same time so blond. I just cannot believe what a change he has made with his life… he was once such a mouthy, angry child. I remember him telling Christopher how much he hated him and getting into fights at school. I remember him hitting me in the face and acting out so terribly that we were concerned about his mental health.

Then he blossomed. Slowly, beautifully, like a flower in the morning dew. He let the sunshine into his heart and it spread! His joy and happiness was contagious, everyone he met loved him. His teachers raved about how much compassion he had for his friends. Last year, the school acknowledged all his marvelous traits when they recognized him for the great kid he is when he made student of the year. I cried, oh how I cried. I cried because he did not start out this way and build to this great kid. He worked hard, twice as hard to get to this place. He started out at a -100 and worked his butt off to be a +100. He overcame so much to get where he is now.

He is such a funny little boy. This morning he went back to school after missing 3 days of school this week due to illness. When we pulled up he said “ohhh, this place looks familiar, but I can’t place it… I think I was here a LONG time ago”. Funny, funny boy!

1 Comment | In: People, Places & Things | tags: Adoption, Austin, Memories, Milestones. | #

It was 1 year ago today that I legally adopted my sweet little boy Austin. I cannot imagine a happier occasion than making my love for my oldest son official. I joke that at 7 years in the making, he was by far my longest labor, and the most relieving ‘birth-day’.

No Comments | In: Uncategorized | tags: Adoption, Austin. | #

Austin’s birth-mom is almost $3,000 in arrears on child support. This is money she owed from before the adoption was finalized; today I spoke with my Child Support Caseworker and she said that bio-mom has court next week in which they will require her to explain why she has not made any attempts to pay it. I hope the courts can work out a fair agreement for the money to be re-paid so this can all be over with once and for all.

No Comments | In: Uncategorized | tags: Adoption, Austin, Ramblings. | #

Take a look at my updated adoption time line, I finally got Austin’s birth certificates in the mail today after begging for an expedited processing last month. I need it to register Austin for school, send him to visit Grandma this summer, etc.

In order for them to rush it I had to overnight an overnight envelope and a letter with proof of why I needed it rushed. It was more costly, but having (almost) everything done was worth it!

1 Comment | In: Uncategorized | tags: Adoption, Austin, Updates. | #

We have been fighting to get Austin’s new birth certificate since December, it has been one hurdle after another and the estimated wait is 5 months. This was fine until a few snafu’s started to arise. When Austin got accepted into the charter school, they need his correct BC for enrollment… and then this summer, my parents wanted to take Austin and Christopher to Canada, and though passports are not required yet for automobile travel, a copy of birth certificate and a note from the parents is required. Since my name is not on the copy we have yet, we cannot both sign the note.

Anyways, I was able to get SOME answers today… after being on hold for an hour I learned that I could have a copy within a month IF I can show proof that their is an urgent need. I plan on getting in touch with the school after Spring Break to see if I can get someone to write a note stating they need his certificate for their records. I am also hoping that my mom will do the same. With that information, I should be able to move forward soon!

No Comments | In: Uncategorized | tags: Adoption, Austin, Ranting. | #

This morning started out like any normal day, 6 am, get up the kids, shower get dressed. But instead of a jeans and t-shirt, I put on a suit and makeup and fixed my hair, because today was our court date! At 8:30 we dropped off the baby at the sitter’s house and was at the attorney’s office by 8:50. At 9:20 we had an appointment with the attorney to go over the final details and then we walked over to the court house to be there 15 minutes early. We got called in by the court clerk and she locked the court room. The attorney then talked with the judge saying that BM has failed to contact and visit, has not supported him in 6 months. They then talked back and forth to make sure procedure was followed.

Finally the judge asked to talk to Austin, and made sure he was OK with the adoption and name change. He then asked him if he heard what my roles as a parent were (to make sure he has an education, a roof over his head, food and clothing) and told him that as my son he also has responsibilities that include obeying, listening and being respectful to me. The judge said he was satisfied that the termination was in Austin’s best interests and then seconds later said because Austin was free to be adopted that he was granting my motion to adopt and that was that! At 10:15 am MST I legally became the mother of my son who I have known in my heart was my own for 7 years now.

After a quick run to the county clerks office, and then back to the attorneys office, we were all done with the legal part of today. We had a nice brunch and the boys are now watching the new Superman movie with daddy. In about an hour we are going to head up north to Build a Bear to make Austin something to help him remember this day. We are then going to Red Lobster (his choice) for dinner.

Thank you everyone for your kind words and support through this. I really appreciate all of you!!

16 Comments | In: Uncategorized | tags: Adoption, Announcements, Austin, Photography, Updates. | #

…I will legally be the mom to my oldest son. We are all so excited! Austin is counting the hours (13h 40m by the way) until the hearing, though I think he may be a little more nervous than I am. It is just incredible to me that I am able to love him so much. My biggest worry when I agreed to raise Austin, is that I would get tired of babysitting someone else’s kid, but I have never once felt that way about him. Sure, there were times I wanted just to give up, but I have felt that same way about my own children once in a while.

Austin is such a amazing child though, he is so easy to love. Even though he is 10, he is still not too big to ask for a hug or give us a kiss each night before bed. I am not naive though, I know that will change soon, I am not under the impression that he is going to be an easy teen; one could hope though.

I know I have mentioned my favorite poem in here before, but I really think it is appropriate to repeat myself.

Not flesh of my flesh
Nor bone of my bone,
But still miraculously
My own.
Never forget
For a single minute:
You didn’t grow under my heart,
But in it.

–Fleur Conkling Heyliger

I am so ready to get beyond this milestone and live life the way I have felt for over 7 years now. The adoption is great, I have wanted nothing more…. but like Austin and I were discussing, it will not change our relationship. I have always told him that he was my son, and he has always known he is just as loved as his brothers. We have never used labels, so he has never been a step-son or a half-brother. It will be so nice to have the legal rights I felt I earned long before. I often feel it is not the act of pregnancy and childbirth that makes you a mother, but every moment in between the time they are born until they are on their own (and beyond).

The biggest change I think that will come of this is a lack of fear. I no longer worry that if anything were to happen to Bobby, I would lose my husband and son. I no longer fear that if my marriage fails I will not have legal rights to see my son. I no longer worry that if something happens to me, Austin will not receive social security or life insurance benefits. I no longer will need to carry a special piece of paper around to do the simplest of things, like register my son for school or take him to the doctor.

A little side note: Tonight BM called my husband and my heart sank into my chest, I was freaked out that maybe she changed her mind or something. I seriously almost had a panic attack when she called. It was innocent, she broke her cell phone and wanted us to have her husband’s cell phone number in case the judge needs to talk to her tomorrow. But I was just so worried that we came so far for it to be taken away from us. I think I am ready for this, don’t you think?

5 Comments | In: Uncategorized | tags: Adoption, Austin. | #

No Comments | In: This is how I roll | tags: Adoption, Finances, Holidays, House Stuff. | #

As the adoption date draws closer, I find myself with some really important issues to face… some of them minor, like I wonder where I can get a nice court outfit for Austin, some of them a bit more major..

The main issue I am struggling with is who should attend the hearing. One one hand I feel that Austin, Christopher AND Matthew should be there, but on the other hand, I don’t want them causing a disruption on Austin’s special day. I also think they may ask Austin & a parent to step out of the court room when the judge calls BM to ask her about severing her rights, but I really want to be there for that. I almost wish I had an unnemployed childless friend, or stay at home mom with a babysitter so I could have someone come in with me to help me mind the children. However, with the adoption being in a closed courtroom I don’t know if they would allow non-family… but the closed courtroom also means I cannot just walk out and hand them off to someone without first asking for the door to be unlocked.

Maybe I am just stressing over little things because most of the big things are done, but I am really freaking out about the sibbling issue.

No Comments | In: Uncategorized | tags: Adoption, Austin, Me. | #