Mistakes in Motherhood

We are home from vacation, and things are back to the way they should be. Our house desperately needs cleaned, laundry is at a healthy level. The princess is fighting with the littlest prince, she has learned to tattle in her little baby way. She points at something, glares at it, and then in gibberish tells me all about it. I have appointments galore, I need to make a trip to Costco and the regular grocery store, and Bobby is already planning his next business trip. Yes, life is how it should be.

No Comments | In: A lot about nothing | tags: Confessions, Domestic Diva, Family, Lame-o, Me, Vacations. | #

When the baby gets here we will need to do a transition of sorts. The seven of us will be living together in a four bedroom home and that means the baby will need to bunk up with someone when he/she is around 4-6 months old, before then, we have a co-sleeper in our room. By then we are hoping to have transitioned Sophia to a toddler bed, and then I can get the baby a lovely set of crib bedding to coordinate well enough in her room. However, I have never had a toddler sharing a room with a baby, so I am not sure if that will go over well. When we got Matthew’s bunk beds, which is kinda like a loft bed with a rolling shorter bed on wheels that can be moved, we toyed with the idea that they may eventually share the bed, with the “bottom bunk” in her room, and his loft bed in his room with a “play fort” of sorts underneath.

However, we may have to have Sophia and Matthew sharing a room for a year or so until the little one sleeps through a noisy sister in the room. I can imagine using so many different kinds of cute feminine kids beddingadorning the twin bed if she uses it, instead of transitioning to her toddler bed she inherited from Matthew. Excuse me while I hop up on this soap box, because I am about to sound like my mother.

Nothing grosses me out more than sleeping on a bed without a mattress pad. If you spend money on a mattress, get a quality mattress pad. Mattress pads are an inexpensive way to protect the bed from sweat, drool, and any other body fluids you encounter when you have kids (urine, vomit, etc). I don’t care how good you cleaned after Junior peed the bed, don’t expect that the next person is sleeping on a nasty mattress covered with only a thin layer of fabric, ewww. I will judge you if your beds lack mattress pads. And for kids, have several on hand. Matthew has three for his bunk beds, Sophia has two for her crib… both theirs are waterproof. I have one that I spent a fortune on, because it is waterproof and does not crinkle. We often have kids climbing into our bed at night, and that pad has paid for itself 20x over with how many times it has saved our bed. Austin and Christopher have one each, they were just cheapies, but they will tell you, I will get mad if I see a naked bed.

No Comments | In: This is how I roll | tags: A lot about nothing, Confessions, Domestic Diva, Family, House Stuff, Humor, Parenting, Silliness, Sponsored. | #

Today I left this message on my mom’s voice mail. “Hi mom, its me. I just wanted to let you know to keep an eye out for two of your grandsons. I have a feeling they may be running away from home today and will probably be hitchhiking up to live with you. They have no clean clothes though, so sorry. They will be traveling light, I took all their belongings from the room they told me to clean since they lied. Let me know when they get there.”

The back story to this message is simple: I told the two oldest boys, who share a room, that in 3 days the Realtor was coming and I needed them to clean their room to the level of spotless. They cleaned for a while and then told me it was done. So I told 2nd oldest to vacuum, after about 20 minutes I yelled at him to start the vacuum already and he told me that he was cleaning his room so he could vacuum because they messed it up a bit since they finished cleaning. Odd. Ok, whatever. You told me it was clean, twice… I’ll hold you to it.

So this morning I head down to the crawlspace in their room to find a box to put cookies in to mail to my hubby and I exploded. Thankfully they were at school when this happened, and the baby slept through it… So I decided to clean it myself to teach them what “clean” looks like. Just a quick product review. Kirkland brand lawn bags are AMAZING. They are Costco’s generic brand of Hefty bags and they hold well. I grabbed one of those brooms that you see on TV, the “amazing” ones that are a wedge on one side and bristles on the other, four trash bags, and set to work bagging up everything on the floor except big boxes, and laundry. An hour later… I was almost done, but had to leave for a doctor’s appointment, so I loaded up all the laundry into the back of my van and 3 of the 8 laundry bags and head to my appointment.

Afterward, I ran over to my brand new storage unit and unloaded a total of ELEVEN loads of laundry, 3 bags of toys, garbage & books, a huge basket of books, and 3 tote boxes of toys. I headed back home and put the baby in her highchair for lunch and loaded up the rest of the toys (5 bags) 2 globes, 2 boxes of breakables and then proceeded to spread baking soda all over their room while I vacuumed under dressers, windowsills, cobwebs, and under the bed. My poor Dyson vacuum had to go over their carpet TWICE just to get it clean. Mind you, this is the room that they vacuumed just yesterday. I woke up the baby who had fallen asleep in the highchair while I was working and then took another trip to the storage unit. The oldest boy called to tell me he was sick, so I picked him up and banished him to bed. He explained that while waiting for me, he ate his lunch and started feeling better. I *should* have loaded his butt back into the van and taken him back, but I figured laying in an empty room was punishment enough and would be less fun then playing sick and getting attention at school.

In 10 minutes I have to leave to go get the 2nd oldest from school, he is going to FLIP OUT when he sees his room. I predict whining and tears from him. I will explain that I simply took care of all their trash that they left on the floor and maybe they will be able to keep their room clean if it is empty. If they keep their room clean, they will earn one container back at a time. Too bad they have so much dirty laundry, since that is what they will be earning back first… one basket at a time.

3 Comments | In: This is how I roll | tags: Austin, Christopher, Confessions, Domestic Diva, Family, Insanity, Lame-o, Parenting, Ranting, Tirade. | #

(This may be a TMI post for some)

I have needs I have not been able to meet lately. Tonight I was just so frustrated I took a long how shower and just let my mind wander. When I was a kid, I was so carefree and no burdened by these reckless desires and longing for time in the bedroom….

…you see, I am tired. I feel like every morning I cannot start the day without a cup of coffee or two. When did I grow up? When did I start craving such adult desires. Yet I am teased by exhaustion, and itch I cannot scratch… because I am one of those who cannot nap! I know, crazy huh? I can have all my kids at school, the baby can be taking a three hour nap and I just lay there, unsatisfied. And right now, it is 12:45am, I know I have to be up in a few hours, but I just cannot settle my mind and instead I am having a quickie in bed, with my MacBook and my blog. I know if I do not get this off my chest I will lay in bed all night and not be able to drift off to dreamland.

I was looking at some pictures today of many years back… the innocent years, when I could get up easily in the morning and spend all day running around outside. Coming home only when the street lights came on. If I was thirsty, I drank from the hose. If I was hungry, I went inside my house, or that of a friend’s and got a snack. Now, I can barely drag my 4 year old upstairs without feeling my muscles tighten in my back. I looked in the mirror today and realized it is time to dye my hair… not red, blue or pink like when I was a teen, but the same color it is now.. just to hide the gray hairs that keep appearing no matter how fast I pluck them out.

I watch my children growing up so fast and I want to yell “slow down, enjoy this, stop being in such a hurry to grow up”, but they don’t get it. I sure didn’t. I never understood the adage “Youth is wasted on the young” until I was no longer young and longed for those times back.

Maybe some day soon I will be able to lay down in bed at 9pm and close my eyes and drift right off to sleep. I will sleep soundly, for 9 or 10 hours. I won’t lay wide awake in bed thinking about everything I need to do in the morning. About an appointment next week that makes me anxious, or a promise that was broken and how much it hurt our feelings, or inconvenienced an already busy week. I will wake up easily, naturally. No need for coffee, no need to feel like I need to shake off the sleep from sleeping too long. Bright eyed and bushy tailed. No kids to carry upstairs at midnight. No babies crying at 1am. No need to wake up and investigate every little creek and groan. And if it is noon, and I have eaten my lunch and I feel sleepy, I want to be able to lay down on my mat with my favorite toy and a blankie and be able to sleep for an hour or two without disturbance.

So yes, I have adult needs. I need to get a good nights sleep. I need a great hairdresser who can do magic with grays. I need a chiropractor and a massage for my aching back. And I need a babysitter, so *I* can be the one playing outside all day long, with no cares in the world… until the street lights come on.

No Comments | In: This is how I roll | tags: Blog/Blogging, Confessions, Family, Me, Silliness, Sleep Deprivation. | #

There are days when I struggle with motherhood. I mean REALLY struggle. Just today I was telling my husband how frustrated I am in my kids’ lack of responsibility with the animals. We have a horrible mean pitbull living next door ripping holes in my fence and it is just a matter of time before it gets through and kills or harms one of my dogs. So the rule is the dogs can be out for 2 minutes max until I can get the landscaping company to come out and replace my fence. So this morning I hear the dogs barking while I am nursing the baby. Ten minutes pass, still barking, 15 minutes. I finally hit the conference button on the phone and broadcast that the dogs are STILL outside.

Also, the cats. Christopher’s job is to feed the cats and clean the litter boxes daily. Yet if I don’t nag, it does not get done and then they seek out my towels. So now every time I think I have a “clean” towel, I discover it smells like cat urine. Nice. Also, when I am trying to feed Sophia, I have three cats underfoot circling around my ankles because their food bowl is empty.

Bobby called today and I vented, I vented good. I told him how frustrated I was at their total lack of responsibility, how Austin pulled out a progress report while we were walking out the door and asked me to sign it because it was due today and I refused because we would have been late if I had to stop everything and look it over before I sign it. I am just plain sick of it.

So I told my husband how I was half tempted to load up the three cats and two dogs in the van and take them to a kennel for the weekend and board them. How tempted I am to tell the kids that I got rid of the animals because I found them families that would take better care of them. How tempted I am to tell them that if they did not love the animals enough to feed them, water them, and provide them with a clean place to poop and pee that they will go elsewhere.

BUT that would be mean. I am not about to punish my pets, or my four year old because of something my teen & tween did. I am a mean mom, but at the same time I don’t want to teach them that lying and trickery is OK. I struggle with where the line in the sand is sometimes. I struggle daily with trying to be effective without being too mean or too nice. I struggle with making the punishment fit the crime. I struggle with too many chores vs. too little chores. I have very good kids, and I believe I have good kids because my husband and I have always worked together and tried to be consistent, we have always given them responsibility, and we have never spoiled them with toys or candy because they held their breath or stomped their feet at the store.

I think with our family spread out like it is right now we are all feeling the stress and I feel less effective because I don’t have my partner here to back me up. I think he feels helpless because he wants to help and he wants to put his foot up their butts, but from that many thousands of miles away, what can you say? “Just wait, in four months, you are going to be sorry!”? And I think the kids are struggling too, they miss their dad and it is hard to stay motivated when you are sad, I get that. I just wish they would see how overwhelmed I am carrying their load on top of my own. I need to heal this fracture, or I will crumble under the weight of it all.

I don’t think this weekend is going to be a fun one, I can tell you that! Hmmmm, I wonder if I can figure out how to set up the parental controls on the TV??

2 Comments | In: This is how I roll | tags: Add new tag, Austin, Bobby, Christopher, Confessions, Domestic Diva, Family, Fur Babies/Pets, Insanity, Lame-o, Matthew, Me, Parenting, Ranting, Sadness, Tirade. | #

Back in August, our old neighbor’s moved to another state and decided to rent out their house. In October or November, in move the renters, who have since been named the Neighbor’s from Hell (NFH for short).

I tried to be nice, I waved and said hi, any exchanges were ignored.

In comes the beater… the beater is a big boat of a car on super thin wheels, raised up with HUGE rims. It’s like a granny can on stilts. Drivers side window is nothing more than a plastic bag and the paper tags on it expired sometime last year. The thing leaks oil like an oil tanker in Alaska and when it gets started, it sounds like a dozen Harley’s starting at the same time. I had to get my alarm desensitized because the vibration was so intense it would set my alarm off.

Then the loud parties started, sometimes until 2 or 3 in the morning, at least once or twice a week. On the eve of Thanksgiving, we finally had enough and called in the local authorities to stop it. They turned it down, but I still got to lay awake for another two hours listening to base. Same thing on Christmas eve, but they turned it down before midnight so we let it slide.

Throughout the week, we have other minor annoyances. I put my trash out and they park one of the 4 or 5 cars that frequent the house in front of it, making the garbage men to have to manually dump my trash instead of using the lift. They also have a habit of parking in front of my driveway, leaving just enough room for me to get out as long as I back out at an angle, drive back up, angle out again, drive up again, angle out across my grass & sidewalk. Not cool.

Garbage day comes again, we go to put out our wrapping paper and boxes from Christmas, but our can is full with THEIR garbage! I give them the benefit of the doubt and pay the extra $2 for extra trash pickup. I call the agency who handles the rental, and she defends the tenants making us sound nit picky and like all the problems our our fault for not having a lot of parking between our driveways..?? (We have invited them to park in front of our house to solve the parking issues). Bobby goes next door to be neighborly, not bringing up any of the problems we are having, but just being nice and she seems nice enough… but things just get worse. Now excuse me for not running over to be the welcome lady, but I am not about to go out of my way to be nice to someone who cannot keep her household from being disrespectful.

I start trying to call and email the owner with little or no response about fixing the fence that borders our property. I figure I will get around to it in the springs, but then the NFH bring home a “puppy”, puppy is Cujo on crack and loves to hear his own voice. All day and all night long. Cujo likes to charge the fence barking at my kids, my dogs, me, my guests, anyone walking down the streets, etc. Apparently Cujo’s owners are deaf (explains the loud car & loud parties) and blind, as it does not bother them that Cujo is sticking his head through window screens to bark at the outside while inside. Did I mention Cujo is a freaking PIT BULL???

Tomorrow is garbage day. I take out my trash knowing it will be a tight squeeze because it was half full from when I forgot to take it to the curb last week. However what I don’t expect is that it is full….? Odd thing is, the trash is not my own, it appears to be from a birthday party. I let it slide, take Austin to school, clean house a bit, take more trash out and I notice their two cans are already down on the curb. As usual, it is two full cans, but also a bag and a box all overflowing with trash. Odd, same bags as the bag in my can, same plates & party ribbon, etc. I know I will be stuffed full by the end of the day, and I am not about to pay another $2 for their trash, so I take it out and set it next to their house, in plain sight. 12 hours later, it is still there.

Tonight I am having major concerns about the fence. Yes it needs replaced, now more than ever, but Cujo scared the holy hell out of me. I am thinking of just putting up a second fence right next to it just to have a second layer of protection between us and Cujo, also, I don’t feel like dumping a couple thousand dollars on wood, if Cujo is just going to ram it down. So I emailed the owner again telling him this, but I really don’t expect a response. I have also made a report with the city about the unsightly, unregistered car, but again I am not holding my breath.

I am not about to go over and try to be their BFF, and I am not wanting to waste city resources by placing the police on speed dial (old Bewitched television reference in 3, 2, 1…) and establishing myself as Mrs. Kravitz. So how have you guys dealt with NFHs? Did you make nice nice, strike out, or flood the neighborhood PD station with complains? I am sure this is going to be a regular feature, these guys are clueless!

2 Comments | In: People, Places & Things | tags: Confessions, House Stuff, Insanity, Lame-o, NFH (Neighbors From Hell), Passive Agressive, Ranting. | #

Bobby and I voted for the first time ever this year, I am 29 and he is 31 and we have been BAD by not setting a good example for our children. I am not sure why, I remember my parents taking me to the polls every 4 years and telling me the importance of voting, but I guess when we were living in Texas in 2000 and did *not* support Bush, but we lived in a state where we knew he would win the majority and get the electoral vote, no matter how we voted and so I just did not care enough to go in.

I still don’t agree with the electoral system, but oh well. The last week I have been talking to my kids about how important it is to vote, no matter what state they reside in. We took 3 of the 4 with us when we went to vote, but Chris had to get to class since the line was about 90 minutes long.

Anyways, I hope my children do as I say and not as we did and take the responsibility of voting more serious than we did.

No Comments | In: A lot about nothing | tags: A lot about nothing, Advocacy, Confessions, Family. | #

The other day I first heard the term “Free Range Kids“, and when I started reading more about what raising a free range child is about, the more I got it. DH and I always joke how different things were when we were children. His mom used to send him a few blocks away to play in the 3rd largest river in the US (Columbia River) where he and his buddies would shoot at each other with their BB guns (no one shot their eye out), or rode bikes down hills too steep for cars to drive up in the winter with a friend on the handlebar.

We have friends whose 10 year old has never ridden a bike out of fear. In my hometown Tag has been prohibited at the school, all because of fear of safety for the kids. Puh-lease! What ever happened to kids learning natural consequences? Why do they need full body armor to go out and play in the back yard (heaven forbid they set foot in the front yard without at least two, armed, secret service agents). Heck, when I was a kid, my parents would not even know if I had been abducted until at least 20 minutes after the street lights went on. And what the hell is up with ‘play dates’?? Are parents now days so over scheduled that they have to pencil in little Johnny’s play time between pee-wee soccer and his gymnastics class? That is what I love about this neighborhood, if a child wants to play with my kids… they knock on the door and ask if they can come out and play…. get this, WITHOUT their parents hovering behind them making sure their 10 year old can walk a block away without being stolen.

Now I am not saying we should air drop our children over a South American jungle with two quarters and a rubber band and expect them to MacGyver their way home, but seriously, don’t you think our kids should get to share memories of skinned knees, chasing the ice cream truck, drinking from the hose, building forts in the woods, walking to the supermarket with a dollar to buy candy or soda, climbing trees, skipping rocks and wading in the creek, and snowball fights?

Now I am not criticizing anyone else, you parent your child the way you see fit, but I found letting go works for us, as long as my child shows they are mature and capable of making reasonable decisions. At the park, I have no problem watching Austin climbing a tree 10 feet in the air, or walking to the convenience store to buy treats for his brothers. When I was in labor with Sophie, I mentioned Christopher broke his arm on his scooter. He was so proud of his injury, just like he is of his appendectomy scar. When Matthew falls down we tell him to “get up and do it again”. We still kiss his owies when he hurts himself, but we don’t act like the world is going to end if he draws blood when he falls down.

Someday, I hope my kids can look back and tell their own kids how much fun they had when they were kids, and all the risks they took and adventures they created.

1 Comment | In: This is how I roll | tags: Austin, Bobby, Christopher, Confessions, Controversey, Family, Matthew, Me, Memories, Sons. | #

Last night I was talking to a friend in IMs about my lack of energy to clean my house, and took some pictures of my horrible messy house to share with her, since she was saying she has not been cleaning due to a newborn, toddler, and preschooler… sheesh, what excuse is THAT! (Joking of course, she has more reason than I do).

So last night I got inspired to put a shelf in Matthew’s closet, but the shelf I had was about 6 inches too tall, so I found the perfect one at Home Depot’s website and decided tomorrow we would go get it… thinking I could get his closet looking better and then sit my ass on the couch and relax the rest of the day feeling accomplished enough with cleaning an ENTIRE closet.

So here is the before, you may not be able to tell but I *did* have a four compartment cart in there that I put his blankets in and on. Of course you probably CANNOT tell because he tore it down and all that is left is the frame and of course the blankets.

Here is the after, I actually was able to put everything in the before shot on one shelf! I used the others to empty two drawers of Sophie’s dresser, boxes from the other side of the closet, and a ton of stuff from my room!

Ok, so since we are on the subject of the corner o’ baby stuff in my room I will show you the before and afters of it:

This is all the crap I had in there before. Swing, bed, clothes, fabric, diaper bag, baby book, etc.

And this is all that is left, but only because they are two boxes of cloth diapers (clean of course) that I need to wash before I can put them away, and then also my Hypnobabies home learning package box that I need to find another home for, and some bags of baby magazines I need to go through and my sarong I need to wash for birthing day.

Here is the after of where those big boxes ended up, this side used to be crammed full with more clothes, blankets, and the crib (which now nicely fits in the closet behind the new shelf and a couple rails in this side).

Ok, so I could not start on the closet and leave his room looking like the disaster it was, so I started picking up and organizing his toys, here is what I did with his “cubby” shelf:

The before of course, yikes!

And the after, much better!

Moving onto his shelf:

Need I even tell you this is the before?

And the after.

His bed, before.

And after.

This is the changing table & Sophia’s dresser, before.

And the changing table afterwards.

And some misc after pics, because a clean room is so much more fun to take pics of:

His dresser & his diaper stash.

And his shoes on the back of his door.

Another project I have been putting off is my freaking NASTY toilet seat. I took a belly pic with my toilet seat up and could not use them because the underside of my seat had been scrubbed so much the paint was coming off, so it was stained REALLY bad from anytime anyone was sick (think splatter, EWWWWWW!) Here is a tiny before, since it is so so bad.

Gross, gross, gross, GROSS! Can you believe a new seat was only $10? Had I known this, I would have replaced it when we moved in! I seriously think the old owners cleaned the seats with turpentine, the other bathroom needs a new seat as well (of course I notice this AFTER we get home with the first seat).

Another before. And no, we did not paint, it was the only room in the house that was not white when we moved in.

And here is the toilet after, amazing how much $10 can make over a bathroom!

Much like the new shelf in Matthew’s room inspired me to clean the room, the toilet seat accomplished the same thing.

This is the right side of my bathroom vanity before.

And after.

Center part of my vanity before.

…after.

Sink before.

The sink after, not TOO much of a change there.

I also vacuumed my entire upstairs, even my bathroom because the jackass designer of this house thinks bathrooms should be carpeted, gag. I also cleaned the upper shelves in my walk in closet where I keep the curtains for my family room I need to put back up, and also the shelf where I am keeping all my pre-pregnancy jeans. All in all, this ‘makeover’ cost a total of $70, $50 for the shelf, $10 for the toilet seat and the final $10 was for zip-ties and tax. The zip ties are for redneck baby-proofing, to make sure she crib and shelf is secured to the wall. I also had a ton of help from Austin and Christopher (and a little from Bobby, who claimed he wanted no part of my “wicked shenanigans”) and between 4-6 hours of time. We got one box together of items to donate to Goodwill when I hit the drive through on Thursday after my prenatal appointment, and one large garbage bag of garbage. I also got about three arm fulls of toys to add to his cubby from his toy box in the family room, which was getting too full to clothes. So two rooms down, nine rooms to go!!

2 Comments | In: Uncategorized | tags: Austin, Bobby, Christopher, Confessions, Domestic Diva, Family, House Stuff, Matthew, Me, Photography, Pregnancy, Ramblings, Sophia, Tackle It Tuesday. | #

I love it when you have a dream that is so realistic, that when you wake, you almost feel as if you are still in the dream.

Last night I had a dream about World of Warcraft, and online multi-player role playing game. I occasionally play, but Bobby spend most of his free time playing. Sometime this is an issue with me, sometimes not because he has always put us first when we need him. The dream though, really brought out my anger and frustration and blew them out of proportion. I woke up feeling abandon, neglected and unloved.

When I heard Matthew playing in the hall, I called him into my bed to cuddle me to make me feel better. Well, being that he is all of three years old, he was not interested in stroking my broken ego. I got maybe 2 minutes of being allowed to hold him before he was off again to conquer bigger and better tasks.

Now that I have had an outlet to vent I am starting to shake the feelings I had in the dream, but some of them are not entirely false, just blown way out of proportion. I look forward to again only having realistic carryover a few times a year, not a few times a month like I do when I am pregnant, they are very frustrating because they feel real, but I know they are not real.

No Comments | In: Uncategorized | tags: Bobby, Confessions, Insanity, Matthew, Me, Pregnancy, Ramblings, Ranting, Tirade. | #