Mistakes in Motherhood

It’s been about 18 days since Bobby got home and it is unbelievable to me that it wasn’t just yesterday. These last few weeks have been a blur of activity, and I feel like I have not even had time to exhale, yet alone process. He’s spending a lot of time working at home, and my routine of taking kids to and from school, cleaning, and going to appointments has resumed. But the craziest thing of this is that we are *still* in limbo. We still do not have authorization to move! Yes, here we are at 16 days past the day I planned to be gone, and we don’t even know when and where we are going.

I cope by knitting another row onto an afghan I have been working on for two years. I listen to Bob Marley and remind myself that “every little thing, gonna be alright”, I drink tea and sometimes wine, and take walks and watch documentaries on Netflix. But no matter how much I distract myself, I am still frustrated that we still don’t have the information we thought we would have at the end of December; and every other Wednesday I am thankful that he still has a paycheck, and insurance, and a job, even if he is at home driving me nuts.

I used to romanticize the idea of working from home, but if anything, the last couple weeks has taught me that working from home is the equivalent at working in prison, with between one to five noisy cellmates hanging off of you like a bunch of baby orangutans. I sometimes wonder if he volunteers to go to the store in the evenings just to get away from it all, and even then he usually has to drag along a few primates with him. I really respect that he hasn’t gone all “Here’s Johnny!” on us and redrum-ed the kids and I.

So whenever I complain to myself that I am tired, frustrated, or frazzled (the trifecta of mommy-hood) I just remind myself that not only is he dealing with the same triple-punch, but on top of that has deadlines and reports and real-actual-get-paid-for-work that he has to complete without a nice, quiet space to run off to. Sometimes the silver lining is obvious, sometimes you have to dig deep to find it, but know that it is always there.

1 Comment | In: A lot about nothing | tags: Bobby, Domestic Diva, House Stuff, Insanity, Lame-o, Moving, Updates. | #

Today I left this message on my mom’s voice mail. “Hi mom, its me. I just wanted to let you know to keep an eye out for two of your grandsons. I have a feeling they may be running away from home today and will probably be hitchhiking up to live with you. They have no clean clothes though, so sorry. They will be traveling light, I took all their belongings from the room they told me to clean since they lied. Let me know when they get there.”

The back story to this message is simple: I told the two oldest boys, who share a room, that in 3 days the Realtor was coming and I needed them to clean their room to the level of spotless. They cleaned for a while and then told me it was done. So I told 2nd oldest to vacuum, after about 20 minutes I yelled at him to start the vacuum already and he told me that he was cleaning his room so he could vacuum because they messed it up a bit since they finished cleaning. Odd. Ok, whatever. You told me it was clean, twice… I’ll hold you to it.

So this morning I head down to the crawlspace in their room to find a box to put cookies in to mail to my hubby and I exploded. Thankfully they were at school when this happened, and the baby slept through it… So I decided to clean it myself to teach them what “clean” looks like. Just a quick product review. Kirkland brand lawn bags are AMAZING. They are Costco’s generic brand of Hefty bags and they hold well. I grabbed one of those brooms that you see on TV, the “amazing” ones that are a wedge on one side and bristles on the other, four trash bags, and set to work bagging up everything on the floor except big boxes, and laundry. An hour later… I was almost done, but had to leave for a doctor’s appointment, so I loaded up all the laundry into the back of my van and 3 of the 8 laundry bags and head to my appointment.

Afterward, I ran over to my brand new storage unit and unloaded a total of ELEVEN loads of laundry, 3 bags of toys, garbage & books, a huge basket of books, and 3 tote boxes of toys. I headed back home and put the baby in her highchair for lunch and loaded up the rest of the toys (5 bags) 2 globes, 2 boxes of breakables and then proceeded to spread baking soda all over their room while I vacuumed under dressers, windowsills, cobwebs, and under the bed. My poor Dyson vacuum had to go over their carpet TWICE just to get it clean. Mind you, this is the room that they vacuumed just yesterday. I woke up the baby who had fallen asleep in the highchair while I was working and then took another trip to the storage unit. The oldest boy called to tell me he was sick, so I picked him up and banished him to bed. He explained that while waiting for me, he ate his lunch and started feeling better. I *should* have loaded his butt back into the van and taken him back, but I figured laying in an empty room was punishment enough and would be less fun then playing sick and getting attention at school.

In 10 minutes I have to leave to go get the 2nd oldest from school, he is going to FLIP OUT when he sees his room. I predict whining and tears from him. I will explain that I simply took care of all their trash that they left on the floor and maybe they will be able to keep their room clean if it is empty. If they keep their room clean, they will earn one container back at a time. Too bad they have so much dirty laundry, since that is what they will be earning back first… one basket at a time.

3 Comments | In: This is how I roll | tags: Austin, Christopher, Confessions, Domestic Diva, Family, Insanity, Lame-o, Parenting, Ranting, Tirade. | #

I have not had much time to update my blog, let alone breath, but I have a moment as we are just getting home camping in Canon City. The weekend before we were in Glenwood Spring at the hot springs for Sophie’s little friend Winter’s birthday, her party was Saturday. Seventeen days ago, my own little Sophia had her very first birthday. I am just in disbelief that my teeny tiny princess is already a year old. How time flies!! She’s got such a huge personality for such a teeny tiny little thing. She’s not walking or standing up yet by herself, but she is pulling up on stuff and walking along furniture A LOT. I imagine she will be 13-14 months before she walks, just like the rest of my kids.

Next week we will be driving home to WA state to go spend time with my family for 3-4 weeks, and then we will come home in time for Bobby to come home on leave for 3 weeks. We are planning a huge surprise family vacation, but I am not saying where until the airplane tickets are purchased and the vacation home rented. The kids start back at school 2 days before Bobby heads back to Iraq.

No Comments | In: People, Places & Things, This is how I roll | tags: Austin, Bobby, Christopher, Domestic Diva, Family, Matthew, Me, Milestones, Sophia, Vacations. | #

It is Thursday already?? I think after all the disappointment of last weekend, this weekend is trying to get here at light speed to make me like them again. Well my mother’s day was nice, but holy heck Saturday was a mess.

So we had another laundry fiasco a few weeks back… the kids again were not helping, so I quit once and for all. Bought myself 3 new baskets (reds/pinks, whites, and darks), gave them the old ones to do the same, and decided they are big boys, they can use my washer & dryer on Fri, Sat, & Sun, and I will use it Mon-Thu. That was a few weeks ago and it has taken some time getting into the routine, but they seem to be catching on. Well Monday I get my W&D back and I am relived to finally have a chance to clean Matthew’s laundry from his bout with the stomach flu, but the dryer is taking longer than normal and the clothes are cold. I knew it was likely my heating element and started calling to get someone out.

The first company I called said they could be out on Wednesday… unsatisfactory, so I called another and they said they would be out that same day. Thankfully Matthew was home trying to work out the bug still, so when it was time to pick up Austin I just *knew* he would arrive as I was trying to leave, and sure enough he did. So I let Austin do what he has been begging to do for 2 years… walk home. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, can we say lesson learned?? He NEVER wants to do that again.

Anyways, 30 minutes and $260 later I had a working dryer and I have been trying to catch up ever sense. Monday I lost most of the day, Tuesday the cat decided he would use my clean clothes as a litter box, so those clothes needed reloaded, and I also used that time to go to the store to get more kitty litter and rearrange chores so the cat boxes would now be cleaned by the other child, and the other child would do his chores. I also found a smoking deal on a cat climbing post/house that I seem to appreciate more than my ungrateful fur-butts. So what I am saying is that about 287,403,028 1/2 loads later I am *almost* done with laundry for three whole days!!

Speaking of laundry, this is the hired help… does that explain why it takes me so long to finish??

Sophie’s pediatrician’s office called back, all Sopher’s blood tests were normal… we will go back in July and see how much, if any, weight she has gained. Another reason that I am up to my eyeballs in laundry is that I decided it was time to put Sophie in 6-9 month clothes. That baby has almost worn out all her 3-6 month clothing… I did not know babies were ever IN their clothes long enough to wear them out. Unfortunately, most of her new clothes are winter clothes… so I am going to have to box them back up and then reevaluate how much we will need to go buy for the summer. We have a new Goodwill in town I have been wanting and excuse to check out.

No Comments | In: This is how I roll | tags: Domestic Diva, Silliness, Sophia, Videos. | #

There are days when I struggle with motherhood. I mean REALLY struggle. Just today I was telling my husband how frustrated I am in my kids’ lack of responsibility with the animals. We have a horrible mean pitbull living next door ripping holes in my fence and it is just a matter of time before it gets through and kills or harms one of my dogs. So the rule is the dogs can be out for 2 minutes max until I can get the landscaping company to come out and replace my fence. So this morning I hear the dogs barking while I am nursing the baby. Ten minutes pass, still barking, 15 minutes. I finally hit the conference button on the phone and broadcast that the dogs are STILL outside.

Also, the cats. Christopher’s job is to feed the cats and clean the litter boxes daily. Yet if I don’t nag, it does not get done and then they seek out my towels. So now every time I think I have a “clean” towel, I discover it smells like cat urine. Nice. Also, when I am trying to feed Sophia, I have three cats underfoot circling around my ankles because their food bowl is empty.

Bobby called today and I vented, I vented good. I told him how frustrated I was at their total lack of responsibility, how Austin pulled out a progress report while we were walking out the door and asked me to sign it because it was due today and I refused because we would have been late if I had to stop everything and look it over before I sign it. I am just plain sick of it.

So I told my husband how I was half tempted to load up the three cats and two dogs in the van and take them to a kennel for the weekend and board them. How tempted I am to tell the kids that I got rid of the animals because I found them families that would take better care of them. How tempted I am to tell them that if they did not love the animals enough to feed them, water them, and provide them with a clean place to poop and pee that they will go elsewhere.

BUT that would be mean. I am not about to punish my pets, or my four year old because of something my teen & tween did. I am a mean mom, but at the same time I don’t want to teach them that lying and trickery is OK. I struggle with where the line in the sand is sometimes. I struggle daily with trying to be effective without being too mean or too nice. I struggle with making the punishment fit the crime. I struggle with too many chores vs. too little chores. I have very good kids, and I believe I have good kids because my husband and I have always worked together and tried to be consistent, we have always given them responsibility, and we have never spoiled them with toys or candy because they held their breath or stomped their feet at the store.

I think with our family spread out like it is right now we are all feeling the stress and I feel less effective because I don’t have my partner here to back me up. I think he feels helpless because he wants to help and he wants to put his foot up their butts, but from that many thousands of miles away, what can you say? “Just wait, in four months, you are going to be sorry!”? And I think the kids are struggling too, they miss their dad and it is hard to stay motivated when you are sad, I get that. I just wish they would see how overwhelmed I am carrying their load on top of my own. I need to heal this fracture, or I will crumble under the weight of it all.

I don’t think this weekend is going to be a fun one, I can tell you that! Hmmmm, I wonder if I can figure out how to set up the parental controls on the TV??

2 Comments | In: This is how I roll | tags: Add new tag, Austin, Bobby, Christopher, Confessions, Domestic Diva, Family, Fur Babies/Pets, Insanity, Lame-o, Matthew, Me, Parenting, Ranting, Sadness, Tirade. | #

A Thank-You letter to Cindy from Cindysporch.net

Dear Cindy,
I want to thank you for your email thread with the subject line “Spring Cleaning Challenge #3: The Kid’s Rooms”. You sufficiently helped me traumatize my children for life, and almost made my 12 year old son cry.

Let me back up a bit… I am a mother of four, two preteens, a preschooler, and a prima donna, I mean a baby. My sons are 12, 11, and 4, and my daughter is 9 months old. I also have three cats, and two dogs who are over 85 lbs. Things got even crazier this February when my husband left for a year in Iraq as a military contractor. I would like to say my house normally just looks “lived in”, but truth be told there are times when it looks like World War III was just fought and a nuclear disaster was contained in my 1800 square foot home.

Your email could not have been read at a better time. Today we had a surprise blizzard here in Colorado, and because it is spring break, I have been hearing how bored my children are, or have had to pull them out of their Gameboys just to get them to clear their dishes from the table. What a brilliant day to play the “Clean your room or mom will kill you” game!! So I excitedly posted the link to the the spreadsheet in my Facebook status and printed out a copy. My four year old took quite a delight in running up to the printer to grab the game sheet and I handed them to my oldest son. His displeasure was easy to read; his face was red, his answers were curt and he looked like he could start crying at any minute.

To prove to him what a wuss he was being, I printed out a second sheet and told him I was going to do the same to my room. I even took the four year old up to “help” me and instructed the 11 year old that if he stopped working that he would would be grounded until the end of time.

Truth be told, the four year old was a lot of help. He made an awesome little “gofer” and had no problems fitting under the bed to push out CDs and books that found themselves held hostage under the bed by rogue dust bunnies. The children needed no prompting to get back to work or stay busy. They did need some reminding that Yu-Gi-Oh cards do not belong under dressers and that “clean dresser tops” does not mean to pile the junk right back on them as soon as you have dusted the tops off, however I think they earned an A-!

I soon found the cleaning was contagious though, because soon it spread and I found myself “accidentally” cleaning my bathroom mirror, which was not part of your list. The virus kept mutating and soon I was accidentally putting away pill bottles and mouthwash, tooth paste and mousse. Hair clips and nail clippers soon seemed to crawl into their drawers to escape the wrath. Next thing I know I am thinking how wonderful my cucumber melon all purpose would make the room smell and the counter, sink and toilet soon sparkled.

Before I knew it, my cluttered bedroom soon resembled a spa-like sanctuary. I now have a peaceful place to retreat to at the end of the day, and won’t have to worry about books and CDs crawling out from under the bed while I am sleeping and tying me up like in Gulliver’s Travels.

THANK YOU for giving me my sanity back and helping me to find a small slice of peace again. I LOVE my gorgeous bedroom and bathroom, I am really hoping having my rooms clean will inspire me to break out the gallons of paint I have had sitting out in the garage for weeks now and finish my redecoration project I have been putting off since I bought this house back in 2004.

Heather

1 Comment | In: People, Places & Things, This is how I roll | tags: Add new tag, Austin, Christopher, Domestic Diva, Family, Fur Babies/Pets, House Stuff, Matthew, Me, Parenting, Sons, Sophia. | #

On Tuesday, my sweet baby Matthew turned FOUR! It is so hard to believe that he is already four, but on the same hand I can’t believe I have only known him four years because I just cannot imagine life without him, it seems like I have always known him. For his birthday dinner, he wanted to go to Olive Garden, which hit a sweet spot with me because that was the place I always went to for my own birthdays.

Sophie is sick with a fever and a cold. It started with a low grade fever on Tuesday and by Wednesday morning it was up to 103.5 and she had me up all night long. She is still a little warm today, but she does not seem so dependent on Motrin or Tylenol. I keep expecting to see teeth or chicken pox appearing, but so far neither one seems to be coming.

Matthew started preschool on Wednesday, so Sophie and I were able to rest while he was away. He goes 3 days a week for 6 hours a day and he LOVES it. I really struggled with the decision between a home daycare where they center around play-learning or an actual academic preschool. Both have up sides and down sides, but in the end I really liked the teacher, philosophy, price and convenience of the home based daycare near my home. He is only around two other kids who are 2 and 3 years younger than he is, but he does not seem to mind. I also like that he is exposed to less germs. I was hoping she would have another four-year-old or two, but he does not seem to mind at all.

Having only one child here for 18 hours a week clears up my schedule when Sophie naps to get much needed projects done. Part of my frustration was the clothing situation we are having. Matthew was pulling all his clothes out of his dressers to find one shirt, and when he and his brothers cleaned his room, those clean clothes ended up in the hampers and I had Mount Washmore climbing to scary heights. I felt overrun by laundry and was ready just to institute a burlap sack uniform policy. I decided the only reasonable thing to do was to move all his clothes into my room into Bobby’s dresser. However then I had to decide what to do with Bobby’s clothes. I ended up hanging up all his clothing, to include his jeans. It was actually sadder than I thought. I felt like I was “moving on”, when in reality he is just overseas, not gone.

With Matthew’s dresser now empty, I decided to use if for Sophia’s clothing and then I moved all her diapers off the top of his dresser and into her old dresser. The room looks a lot more orderly now. We will see in time how this arrangement works.

The older two kids have been busy this week with state standardized testing. Austin is done and Christopher has another week left, but I think they are both feeling pretty sick of those stupid tests.

I braved the post office this week when I mailed off a 17 lb box to Bobby, it took me 45 minutes of standing in line to get it mailed out, but I needed to take a helper and I knew that would mean going at a busy time of the day.

Today I am feeling like a drill sergeant, the kids have overrun the house with their toys and messes and enough was enough. It was time to take control of the situation and put them to work cleaning up toys, their bedrooms, and all their other little messes. I still have to go through the house and clean up all the little hot spots that they have gathered on tables and the kitchen could use a good scrub down. All the floors need attention from a vacuum or mop too.

Last night I had my first bad night since Bobby left. It was the first time I REALLY started missing him. I mean I miss him every day, but we also talk, email, and chat daily. It has been almost four days since we have talked, which is the longest we have gone without talking since he left in January for training or February to Iraq.

Matthew is also having a hard time, he went from only 2 or 3 accidents at night a month, or 4 or 5 or more accidents a night a week since he left. I forgot to bring it up with the doctor on Wednesday at his physical to rule out anything medical. I am also having other issues with Matthew and Christopher both that I won’t be bringing up on here to protect their privacy and keep from embarrassing them later in life.

I guess we all deal with changes differently, and we all have our good days and our bad days, all our trials and triumphs and in the end we will find our own ways to work through it all and be stronger for it.

4 Comments | In: People, Places & Things | tags: Austin, Bobby, Christopher, Domestic Diva, Family, Health, Insanity, Matthew, Me, Milestones, Parenting, Ramblings, Ranting, School, Sleep Deprivation, Sophia, Updates. | #

I just have a moment to enjoy my last sips of coffee & write this down before I forget before the little miss is tired of eating Kix in the kitchen.

This morning I was making my rounds, emptying the dirty clothes hampers in the bedrooms into a basket to take them to the basement to sort and wash, when I smelled pee in Matthew’s bedroom. He was hot on my heels, curious about what I was doing so I asked him if he had an accident in his bed. He told me he did have a “water dream” as he calls it and did pee in his bed. I told him that it was okay and all that jazz while I stripped his sheets. I finished getting the rest of his bedding and dirty clothes and moved onto my room where I started stripping my own bed.

Matthew lit up and got a huge smile on his face and asked me “Mommy? Did you have a water dream too??” I told him that no, I just needed to wash my sheets because it had been a while since I washed them and he puts his hand on my cheek and said “It’s all right if you had a water dream, no one will be mad if you went potty in your bed, accidents happen”; then he leaned forward and hugged me and patted my back. I was laughing too hard to convince him that I did NOT pee in my bed, but what does it really matter if he believes me anyways?

2 Comments | In: People, Places & Things | tags: Domestic Diva, Humor, Matthew, Me, Silliness. | #

Those who are on my facebook have heard this story… and they may see it again when this feeds to my page, but here is the full story in full. My day started off a little rocky this morning (as demonstrated by my earlier rant), but this morning when I went downstairs to start some laundry I BLEW my stack.

See, Austin and Chris, who are almost 13 and 11, have chores. Their main chore is to feed the animals, but they are also required to help me with laundry and dishes. Most days, the most I will ask them to do is start a load before school, and fold it and put it away after school. I also am very strict about sorting (darks, whites, and reds) and I wash everything on cold, except whites. This weekend, with me being busy getting Bobby ready, I asked them to do the laundry, and did not have time to help; so I was planning on catching up this morning.

When I came downstairs, it was utter chaos. Mount washmore was overflowing. The three hampers were packed with a mixture of all colors and stacked up to twice their height… there were no less than 4 baskets with wet or damp clothing, all of which stunk like mildew and cat pee. My dryer was empty, my washer was full of stinky clothes, and all my light colored and white clothes had been bled on by the dark clothes. I easily had 10 loads (and I am talking HE/front loader loads, not top loader loads). I think they were just starting the washer, but then never putting the clothes in the dryer. I also had about a foot of wet clothes piled in front of the washer.

More than an hour later, but less than two hours later I finally had all the clothes sorted, a load in the dryer, another in the washer, and I am having to use double the soap, bac-out & vinegar in each and every load, with bleach in my light towels/rags & my 100% cotton whites. I have washed, 6 loads of laundry already today, and I still have about four left. I tossed all of Austin & Christopher’s dirty clothes back in their room, I was too mad to wash it… but here is the stunning part of it… Bobby has been gone 3 weeks, I wear my jeans twice before I put them in the dirty clothes, but we had 10 loads of clothes to their 1…. so it looks to me like the kids are picking out their own clothes and only washing it.

Needless to say, I was either going to send them to boot camp or shake them up a bit, so I went on strike. I told them they are on their own for everything I did for them in the past. They have to cook their own meals, wash their own dishes, wash their own laundry, etc. If they want to use my stove or my washer or dishes, they need to “pay” for it, not with money, but with “hassle time chores” as my sister calls them. Basically if I have to do your work, you better do something for me. So they got to clean Matthew’s room, tidy the house, hand wash pots & pans, etc.

Tonight for dinner they made themselves baked potatoes and leftover stew, and I ordered a pizza for Matthew and I. I am really hoping that they get how much I do for them soon. I don’t like them being in trouble, but I just cannot carry the weight of doing absolutely everything in this house. I can’t spread myself four ways picking up every crumb they drop, and expect to have time to do the important things like help with homework, take them to the park to play, have family game nights, etc.

I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, I have only about 2 1/2 loads of laundry to start, one of which is my bed sheets, which I am dreading. They smell like Bobby, and I just cannot fathom washing his scent out of our bed. I have not cried about him leaving, but just the idea of washing our sheets makes my eyes well up with tears.

Oh, and as a cherry on top. Both kids have detention this week! Austin for being late to a bunch of classes “due to GI issues”, which sounds hokey to me. And Christopher because he “got a 4 out of 14 on an assignment”, which sounds even hokier to me. I think I have a couple phone calls to make tomorrow.

2 Comments | In: People, Places & Things, This is how I roll | tags: Austin, Bobby, Christopher, Domestic Diva, Family, House Stuff, Insanity, Me, Parenting, Ranting, Sons, Tirade. | #

I want to thank everyone who has been emailing, or calling, asking how the kids and I are holding up with the hubby away. We are on day 4 and things are finally starting to settle into a routine. I have been worried about Matthew; who, as we predicted, has been taking his daddy’s absence the hardest. We are trying to settle into a routine with a set bedtime and lots of cuddle time, but he’s been pretty lonesome for his daddy.

Sophie is sleeping in her own room (the office) full time now and that is going well, she will get up either once, or none at all at night and seems to be soothing herself to sleep much easier. She will cry for less than a minute and then either play with her toys until she falls asleep, or fall right to sleep. Last night she woke up twice, cried out a couple times, and then went right back to sleep before I had a chance to get her. I got her up at 7am to feed her before I took Austin to school and she was up for 90 minutes playing and cuddling before she decided she was ready for a morning nap.

Christopher has been a little more focused on security than usual. I reiterated that they do not open the door for anyone, including someone with flowers, a package, or claiming to be a repair person. We have had a number of break-in’s lately with the perpetrator claiming to work for the utility company. This morning, Christopher said he wanted to warn his classmates of the “scam”. On the plus side, I have spent less time reminding him to lock the door.

Austin has been very helpful, I think he’s taken to wanting to be the “man of the house”. He’s also really taken an interest in motors lately and asked if when we replace the broken motor to the garage door, if he can have it to take it apart. He’s also been helping a ton in the bedtime routine, making sure his brothers brush their teeth and helping Matthew pick out his pajamas. He’s also been great about reminding Christopher to hurry and get ready for school and to get his chores done.

I have been keeping busy with friends and normal household stuff. I have been going to be early, eating healthier, drinking less Coke, being more active. I told Bobby that we are bad influences on each other, because he too is drinking less Coke, cleaning more, and going to bed early.

1 Comment | In: People, Places & Things | tags: Austin, Bobby, Christopher, Domestic Diva, Family, Marriage, Matthew, Me, Sophia, Updates. | #