Mistakes in Motherhood

When the baby gets here we will need to do a transition of sorts. The seven of us will be living together in a four bedroom home and that means the baby will need to bunk up with someone when he/she is around 4-6 months old, before then, we have a co-sleeper in our room. By then we are hoping to have transitioned Sophia to a toddler bed, and then I can get the baby a lovely set of crib bedding to coordinate well enough in her room. However, I have never had a toddler sharing a room with a baby, so I am not sure if that will go over well. When we got Matthew’s bunk beds, which is kinda like a loft bed with a rolling shorter bed on wheels that can be moved, we toyed with the idea that they may eventually share the bed, with the “bottom bunk” in her room, and his loft bed in his room with a “play fort” of sorts underneath.

However, we may have to have Sophia and Matthew sharing a room for a year or so until the little one sleeps through a noisy sister in the room. I can imagine using so many different kinds of cute feminine kids beddingadorning the twin bed if she uses it, instead of transitioning to her toddler bed she inherited from Matthew. Excuse me while I hop up on this soap box, because I am about to sound like my mother.

Nothing grosses me out more than sleeping on a bed without a mattress pad. If you spend money on a mattress, get a quality mattress pad. Mattress pads are an inexpensive way to protect the bed from sweat, drool, and any other body fluids you encounter when you have kids (urine, vomit, etc). I don’t care how good you cleaned after Junior peed the bed, don’t expect that the next person is sleeping on a nasty mattress covered with only a thin layer of fabric, ewww. I will judge you if your beds lack mattress pads. And for kids, have several on hand. Matthew has three for his bunk beds, Sophia has two for her crib… both theirs are waterproof. I have one that I spent a fortune on, because it is waterproof and does not crinkle. We often have kids climbing into our bed at night, and that pad has paid for itself 20x over with how many times it has saved our bed. Austin and Christopher have one each, they were just cheapies, but they will tell you, I will get mad if I see a naked bed.

No Comments | In: This is how I roll | tags: A lot about nothing, Confessions, Domestic Diva, Family, House Stuff, Humor, Parenting, Silliness, Sponsored. | #

Matthew is quite the little smart mouth. Tonight he was being a pain and being naughty, so I sent him to bed 30 minutes early. He stormed up to his room, very angry at me; I could hear his toys being flung and him storming around up there. I planned on letting him blow off some steam, and then go up there to talk to him and then hug and kiss him goodnight and talk to him about his behavior.

While he was cooling down, Austin went upstairs to get some pajamas for Sophie out of Matthew’s room, and I hear them arguing and then I hear Matthew say “IF YOU TELL HER, I WILL KICK YOU!!!” Austin came running downstairs with a silly smile on his face and explained that he needed to tell me what Matthew said. I guess in a fit of rage, my darling sweet son turned into some sort of monster when he told Austin angrily “Next time I see Mommy with a knife, I am going to tell her I hope she cuts her head off!”

The problem with this statement, is that it would be nearly impossible for me to keep a straight face when confronting him about it. After having a giggle and updating my Facebook page, I called my parents to take turns telling them one of my near-famous “Matthew Stories”. They also had a giggle and then I mustered as much composure as I could and “angrily” marched upstairs.

Matthew was very remorseful and said he let some angry words come out and that he was very sad about what he said. He claimed he tried to say “next time I see mommy with a knife, I am going to tell her I hope she cuts some vegetables“, but the other words just slipped out. This is where I had to turn my head and hold my breath to keep from cracking up. He apologized freely and we talked about how it was not okay to be naughty like he had been when I sent him to bed early, and that he needs to try not to have angry words, because once the words are out they cannot go back and can hurt someone’s feelings. I gave him a hug and a kiss goodnight, and surprisingly enough he went to bed fairly easily. I have a feeling he was tired in the first place, causing the naughty behavior in the first place that led to angry words. Having a four year old is an adventure.

No Comments | In: People, Places & Things | tags: Family, Humor, Matthew, Parenting, Silliness, Sons. | #

I did not want to have to do this, but kids, it is time for a lesson on parking etiquette. I guess I just assumed everyone knew how to park a car except the NFH, but the last 17 days of the house next to me being for rent has taught me that I guess I am wrong.

I guess it is a good thing, and I should be happy people are looking at the house next door, especially since the only ad I can find for this property is one tiny listing buried on Craig’s List.

So boys and girls, get out your notebook and be prepared for a test at the end of my lesson.

My city has laws that say that your vehicle cannot be within four feet of the entrance to someone’s driveway, otherwise they can be ticketed, or towed; however us living on top of each other in the land of track homes, they have an unwritten rule that in our area they just can’t block them, and you know what? I am fine with that. I also take no issue with people parking in front of my house, I don’t claim the public street. What I DO take issue with is when people block my driveway, especially when I am trying to leave my house. It gets a bit old tracking down people to get them to move their cars and my deductible is too high to just say “oops! My car must have slipped out of gear, gone down my driveway, and smashed into your car…. too bad you were parked there”, although I can’t say I have not been tempted.

We keep one car in the driveway, and my minivan and a piece of shi… err, classic car, in the garage. Yet I don’t know how many times I have come outside to see someone’s car blocking the entire tail end of his car, which I drive about once a week to keep the battery charged and the fluid moving through it. It is a 2003 Honda Civic with perfect paint and a straight body, so it is not like it looks abandon or anything. There is also only about 2-3 feet between my driveway, and the neighbors, so unless you drive a motorcycle, you are going to block someone’s driveway… one might think the smart thing to do would to be to block the *empty* house you are coming to look at, and not the car occupied one.

The empty house, also has an equally empty two car driveway, and an empty spot spanning the entire front of the house. On top of that, directly across the street is a house facing east to another street leaving the side of it completely unobstructed by driveways and can easily fit 3 or 4 cars. Common sense would say you could park in one of about 9 different spaces and be close to the rental you are looking at, and not piss off anyone.

So today I realize the storage unit I rented last month for pre-packing is due today, but rather than be able to pay on the phone, or online, I have to go in person to waive the insurance on the storage unit since my homeowners policy covers off-site storage. When I open the garage door, there is a car parked with the bumper of the car right up the edge to the left of my driveway standing next to a truck parked halfway into the middle of my driveway. She is chatting on a cell phone and the driver is sitting in the drivers seat. I buckle up the baby and then walk down to where they are and I say “Excuse me, but do you mind pulling forward so you are not blocking my driveway?” I was nice, and polite and did not have one ounce of attitude and can you believe she SCOWLED and glared at me and mumbled something bitchy to her husband! I wanted to kick her in the neck and tell her that she is too low-rent to be able to afford a house to live in and go back to living in her single-wide, but I was nice and just walked away. When I got back they were both gone, and I can just hope they don’t come back. I can understand why my neighbor has a sign in front of his carport telling people not to block his driveway.

Question 1:
It is okay to block a car in their driveway if they have enough room to back out if they pull the wheel all the way to one side, even if they have to pull forward a few times, or drive on their lawn, to get far enough to get around you.
A) True
B) False
C) Heck no, are you effing stupid??

Question 2:
Are you special and think you have privileges to be a jerk to anyone you please, and they can just deal with it?
A) Yes
B) No
C) We all deserve to be treated with respect

Question 3:
If you are visiting someone or looking at a home to occupy, or you do occupy it, where should you park?
A) Anywhere I feel like, I am allergic to exercise and should not have to cross a street.
B) In front of their home.
C) Anywhere that is free, legal, and not inconveniencing others.

Scoring:
Please use the point system below to add up your answers.
A) -2
B) 0
C) 2

If you scored a 0-6:
Congratulations, you have common sense! You may now officially co-exist with other humans, and know basic parking etiquette. Pat yourself on the back, your IQ is greater than your shoe size.

If you scored -2 or below:
Time to go back to kindergarten so you can learn basic principals like sharing this big giant planet with others. Until you learn some manners, feel free to stick a plastic bag over your head so you are not wasting oxygen that could be used by others. If you don’t like sharing this planet with others, you are free to leave it at any time.

I hope you had a good lesson and that you learned something boys and girls. If any part of this class did not make sense to you, I will be available for private tutoring after class. If you failed this lesson, and refuse to repeat this lesson, there will be plastic bags at the end of the hall and a shuttle bus in the parking lot to take you to Mars where you will be much happier.

1 Comment | In: This is how I roll | tags: Humor, Insanity, Lame-o, Me, Ranting, Silliness, Tirade. | #

Dear Max,
This is what happens when you have big brothers! Don’t listen to them, they are evil. Remember this, they do not have any money for ice cream, if they did they would already have spent it. Even if they cross their heart and hope to die they can’t get you a pony, where could they get one? Don’t fall for that one, and know that they have no permission to allow you to stay up past your bedtime, only Mom and maybe Dad have that ability. Do not listen to them it will not be really, really, really fun, no matter what they tell you. A promise to come back in just a few minutes is not an enforceable contract! Neither is a promise to pick up the dog poo on your day. Danger always lurks behind a double dog dare. Anything involving shovels, BB guns or jumping off anything with a parachute made of a sheet should raise a red flag in your mind. Remember these rules because if you forget them later on they’ll be saying “I’ll hold your beer, go for it.” Watch out for girls, too. The girl that came by later and made the boobs in the sand in front of you did not have your best interest in mind. I will try to have more advice for you as I see that you may need it. Love Grandpa

Matthew in the sand

No Comments | In: People, Places & Things | tags: Family, Humor, Matthew. | #

Matthew says to me today “We don’t want Sophie anymore, she’s TOO crabby!!” He’s smiling the entire time, it’s a joke of course, but man oh man is it true. Lately she has been a great big ball-o-fuss.

I blame the two teeth that have just poked through, but another theory is that they have awards similar to the Academy Awards, and Sophia was trying her darnedest to get a nomination.

The way I figure it, the perfect fit has several key elements. Let me break it down:

• The Face: Must be red, crimson, or maroon.
• The Eyes: Tears or no tears… eyes must either be closed tight, or have a distant, far off crazy look.
• The Arms: The best fits include dramatic arm action, flailing, pounding, or waving will suffice.
• The Hands: Must be balled into fists.
• Vocalization: This element is most important, the best fits include many different vocalizations, from yelling, screaming, growling, crying, howling, gasping, and breath holding…aka the buildup.
• Other Dramatic Effects: These vary greatly and can include throwing the body backwards, rolling, kicking, stomping, running, climbing, writhing, etc and all are dependent on the age and maturity of the child and severity of the tantrum.

On the fit throwing table, the fit Sophie just threw wold have been an 8/10 (for an infant of course). She had crying, wailing, breath holding, arm flailing, crawling up all over me, etc. I hated to break the news to her that she was about 3 kids too late for much sympathy. By the 4th child, their little tantrums are almost comical. Of course they still get the same amount of comfort and love as the earlier children, but inside you are thinking “Aww, she is trying so hard, and I am trying even harder not to burst out into fits of giggles”.

I found that when I first was a parent, fits were sad, scary, and frustrating because I felt so helpless. As I got more hours of experience under my belt, I removed the blame and guilt and they become a part of parenthood; at one point you start to admire their effort, tuning it out.

Thankfully after some Orajel and infant Tylenol, Sophie decided she was more tired that she thought and is now laying down for a nap. Matthew also fell asleep… he’s laying next to me on the couch snoring away. The older two kids are at friends’ houses. The silence is both deafening and exhilarating. I think I will grab myself a fresh made-from-scratch brownie, another cup of coffee, and watch my Netflix movie. Could it be a more perfect afternoon??

1 Comment | In: A lot about nothing, This is how I roll | tags: Add new tag, Family, Humor, Parenting, Sophia. | #

I just ran upstairs to grab my Kindle and found a very naked Matthew sleeping in my bed. After walking him to the potty I put him back into his bed where his radio was playing softly on some AM talk radio station. I asked him if he wanted his radio on or off and he asked me to find him a music channel. First I put it to a classic rock station and he turned his nose up at that. Next I passed by a modern hits station and he said he did not like that song right now. Next was a station that was either playing Christian or Country music, I could not tell…. I asked him if it was OK, and he replied “That is my breakfast song!” Not sure if that was a yes or a no, but I let him keep his breakfast song.

No Comments | In: People, Places & Things | tags: Humor, Matthew, Silliness. | #

I just have a moment to enjoy my last sips of coffee & write this down before I forget before the little miss is tired of eating Kix in the kitchen.

This morning I was making my rounds, emptying the dirty clothes hampers in the bedrooms into a basket to take them to the basement to sort and wash, when I smelled pee in Matthew’s bedroom. He was hot on my heels, curious about what I was doing so I asked him if he had an accident in his bed. He told me he did have a “water dream” as he calls it and did pee in his bed. I told him that it was okay and all that jazz while I stripped his sheets. I finished getting the rest of his bedding and dirty clothes and moved onto my room where I started stripping my own bed.

Matthew lit up and got a huge smile on his face and asked me “Mommy? Did you have a water dream too??” I told him that no, I just needed to wash my sheets because it had been a while since I washed them and he puts his hand on my cheek and said “It’s all right if you had a water dream, no one will be mad if you went potty in your bed, accidents happen”; then he leaned forward and hugged me and patted my back. I was laughing too hard to convince him that I did NOT pee in my bed, but what does it really matter if he believes me anyways?

2 Comments | In: People, Places & Things | tags: Domestic Diva, Humor, Matthew, Me, Silliness. | #

Matthew has suddenly become extremely picky. Monday night he would not touch the manacotti I made for dinner. Tuesday he would not touch the chili I made. Today I made tuna fish sandwiches for lunch and he turned his nose up at them, claiming he did not like tuna. He wanted a peanut butter sandwich, but I am not a short order cook so I told him he could eat the tuna fish or he could go without. He kept insisting it was peanut butter day, not tuna day. During the peak of his fit, he suddenly start paying attention to the news which is on in the background in the other room and they are doing a story about the salmonella outbreak in Nut King peanut butter and then exclaims “SEE! The TV said today is peanut butter day, not tuna day!!”

Rolling my eyes I explained that the news story was about peanut butter containing salmonella making people sick. With much disdain he starts moaning “my tuna fish….. it’s making me sick…. it has SALMONELLA in it!!”, it took every fiber of my being to keep from busting a gut right then and there.

Tonight was leftover night for dinner, Matthew decided he wanted the rest of the tuna fish for dinner and was ready to fight his brothers for it. Austin decided that chili without listening to his brother throw a fit sounded tastier than the tuna sandwich he had just finished making for himself and gingerly handed it over when Matthew asked.

No Comments | In: People, Places & Things | tags: Family, Humor, Insanity, Lame-o, Matthew, Silliness. | #

After Sophie’s appointment with the Dermatologist (he gave her an all clear), we drove up to Denver for our mini-vacation at the aquarium. It was amazing!! There was a tour guide there, an elderly gentleman, who was very sweet and helpful, you could tell he loved his job.

There was a snapping turtle that was gigantic, he was super cool and graceful:

They also had a “flash flood” area with reptiles and a display on what would happen if there was a flash flood (click on thumbnails for a larger view):

In the shark tank, the tour guide said it was the sea turtles that were the agressive ones, not the sharks, not the puffer, not the saw fish.

We also saw a large assortment of corals, and sea horses in the tropical area:

We also got to pet the rays, surprisingly they were super soft.

But my favorite exhibit was the tigers, yes, tigers at an aquarium.


One of these guys was so close he was fogging up the glass, another guy jumped off of a rock to get a toy and was nose to nose with Bobby and I, literally just a couple inches of glass stood between our faces touching, it was incredible!

For lunch we ate at the restaurant surrounded by a tank that was probably 20 feet tall and spanned the entire length of the restaurant.

We ended up exhausted and decided to head home early, skipping a second destination, so it was time to drive home.

Christopher was the only one who did not fall asleep on the drive home… Matthew eventually fell asleep, that is after a 30 minute cry-fest when he realized we were not taking him to the dentist. He cried again when we pulled into our driveway and not the parking lot of his dentist. Silly boy!!

No Comments | In: People, Places & Things | tags: Austin, Bobby, Christopher, Family, Fur Babies/Pets, Humor, Matthew, Me, Photography, Sophia. | #

Tomorrow we are going to the Aquarium up in Denver as a Christmas gift from my mom (she sent us cash to spend, we decided a mini-vacation would be how to spend it). But because of the weather we decided to ditch our plans of hitting the zoo in addition to the aquarium and were looking for a secondary place to visit.

We have already gone to the museum of science & nature, a cool robot zoo was closed on Mondays, the children’s museum is too juvenile for the pre-teens, and about the only thing left was a theme restaurant with cliff diving & shootouts, or a bug museum. Matthew was still up so we were bouncing ideas off of him to see what HE wanted to do, this is how the conversation went down.

Me: “Hey Matthew, tomorrow we are going to see the fish at that aquarium!”
Matthew: “Oh no, the fish will BITE me!!”
Me (laughing): “No they won’t… how about we go to the zoo??”
Matthew: “Nooo mommy, the birds will bite me!”
Me: “Ok Matthew, how about the butterfly house?”
Matthew (wide eyed): “MOMMY! The butterfly will bite me!!”
Me (laughing harder): “Ok then son, where do you want to go. What do you want to do that’s fun??”
Matthew: “I know! We can go to the dentist!!”

It took Bobby and I a moment to compose ourselves.. he is such a goofball.

No Comments | In: People, Places & Things | tags: Humor, Matthew, Vacations. | #