Mistakes in Motherhood

We are home from vacation, and things are back to the way they should be. Our house desperately needs cleaned, laundry is at a healthy level. The princess is fighting with the littlest prince, she has learned to tattle in her little baby way. She points at something, glares at it, and then in gibberish tells me all about it. I have appointments galore, I need to make a trip to Costco and the regular grocery store, and Bobby is already planning his next business trip. Yes, life is how it should be.

No Comments | In: A lot about nothing | tags: Confessions, Domestic Diva, Family, Lame-o, Me, Vacations. | #

A frequent question I get is “where is Bobby now?” There is a good reason for that, since we moved and since he’s been home from Iraq, he’s been feeling the pressure of too much work for not enough people. Starting in April, he began a rotation of roughly 3 weeks gone for every week home. In April he was in Wisconsin, May was Louisiana, June was Germany, and now Oklahoma. Once we got used to the routine, it has been easier, but at first it was hard to have him back from Iraq and home for over a month, just to have him gone all the time.

Germany was quite an experience. He stayed in an amazing apartment that had a view of castle ruins from his balcony.

He was supposed to be there three weeks, but they ended up not using him like they planned so they sent him home early, however the sneak didn’t tell me and secretly booked his trip home, and walked in the front door giving me the shock of my life. He said my expression was priceless and it was probably the first time he has ever seen me speechless. I thought it was one of the kids walking in so I didn’t think much of hearing the door open, but when I looked up and saw him I could not even register it that he could possibly be home already. The reunion was short lived though, he arrived home on Thursday afternoon, and by Sunday morning (on Father’s day) he was back on an airplane to Oklahoma for a little over a week.

No Comments | In: A lot about nothing | tags: Bobby, Lame-o. | #

I feel like I should be afraid of anything that plugs in today, I really do feel paranoid and that it is out to get me. What next? Is my ice-maker going to start pelting cubes at me? Do I have the anti-midas touch or something? Karmic debt from frying a motherboard 10 years ago?

This morning I wake up to the smoke detectors going off, all 8 of them, out of sync. The 12 yr old decided to turn his bagel into a piece of charcoal. So I get up, life goes on, right? Call the bank for an issue, 24 minutes on hold I give up, decide the issue is not worth it. Hubby and I make a wonderful breakfast, go to watch some shows on the DVR, and the Medium I have been wanting to see stopped recording 20 minutes into it.

Ok, well then I will just hook up my Wii and play my new game, Wii Active. Find the new cord I ordered (red/blue/green, new TV only has one input for red/white/yellow). I get the cord plugged in and Wii working (unsuccessfully at first, no sound) to find that we already had the cord I just ordered and waiting a week for an overpaid on shipping for, it must have come with one of the aftermarket accessory packs. Oh well, no use crying over spilled milk. Put Wii Active in and my console tells me I need to update! ARG! I have a temper tantrum and get over it. I go to plug in my aftermarket Wiichargable (sorry, couldn’t help it) battery pack for my WiiFit board- no dice, the light won’t come on. The 13 yr old brings me batteries, no dice. I get new batteries and finally it works.

So I set up the game, strap on the leg holster for the nunchuck and immediately it finds the ONLY workout I hate, running in place. As I am running, the leg holster starts slipping off, I tighten it, and I can feel a shooting pain down my leg as it constricts my blood flow and I feel like I have a bad case of sciatica. I finish my “run” just to have the very next exercise require the same torture device. Oh well, I will just play another game, I have 3 or 4 of them.

I put in WiiFit plus, load my profile, and I get the message “To start, please step off me and press A”… ok, I am not stepping on you, but ok… press A it recalculates and says the same message again. Turn the board on and off and same message. So I find a forum talking about how to fix it, make it through all the steps just to have the controller die. Get a new controller, it too is dead, in fact all five of them are dead. I guess the universe wants me to give up and be slovenly; I will try again in a few hours of them on the charger.

With facebook not working right, I really should be using this time more productively… I mean I do have a house to pre-pack, and hundreds of pounds of stuff I don’t plan on moving gone through and tossed or donated. I have boxes to fill up to save money on packing. I have beef stew to start, a fridge and freezer to clean, not to mention an entire house to clean. I would really like to be out of here in a week, but is that realistic?

Alright, I need to wrap this up to get back to stressing, err working. This will be behind us soon, we will be settled and happy and it will all be a distant memory. We have moved before, and we survived, and we will move again, there is no doubt.

No Comments | In: A lot about nothing | tags: Family, Insanity, Lame-o, Moving, Ramblings, Stress. | #

It’s been about 18 days since Bobby got home and it is unbelievable to me that it wasn’t just yesterday. These last few weeks have been a blur of activity, and I feel like I have not even had time to exhale, yet alone process. He’s spending a lot of time working at home, and my routine of taking kids to and from school, cleaning, and going to appointments has resumed. But the craziest thing of this is that we are *still* in limbo. We still do not have authorization to move! Yes, here we are at 16 days past the day I planned to be gone, and we don’t even know when and where we are going.

I cope by knitting another row onto an afghan I have been working on for two years. I listen to Bob Marley and remind myself that “every little thing, gonna be alright”, I drink tea and sometimes wine, and take walks and watch documentaries on Netflix. But no matter how much I distract myself, I am still frustrated that we still don’t have the information we thought we would have at the end of December; and every other Wednesday I am thankful that he still has a paycheck, and insurance, and a job, even if he is at home driving me nuts.

I used to romanticize the idea of working from home, but if anything, the last couple weeks has taught me that working from home is the equivalent at working in prison, with between one to five noisy cellmates hanging off of you like a bunch of baby orangutans. I sometimes wonder if he volunteers to go to the store in the evenings just to get away from it all, and even then he usually has to drag along a few primates with him. I really respect that he hasn’t gone all “Here’s Johnny!” on us and redrum-ed the kids and I.

So whenever I complain to myself that I am tired, frustrated, or frazzled (the trifecta of mommy-hood) I just remind myself that not only is he dealing with the same triple-punch, but on top of that has deadlines and reports and real-actual-get-paid-for-work that he has to complete without a nice, quiet space to run off to. Sometimes the silver lining is obvious, sometimes you have to dig deep to find it, but know that it is always there.

1 Comment | In: A lot about nothing | tags: Bobby, Domestic Diva, House Stuff, Insanity, Lame-o, Moving, Updates. | #

What a busy day!! This morning my friend Tracie and I took our kids up to Denver to go to the Children’s museum. We had tons of fun and then decided to let Austin babysit his brothers and her 7 year old, while the babies and Tracie and I went to Sephora at JC Penny to find me a color match for foundation. While we were leaving Austin called and said “are you on your way home? It’s 3:50 and your dentist appointment is at 4:10, right?” Oops! Thankfully they were able to reschedule me for an hour later and I *still* was almost late!!

No Comments | In: This is how I roll | tags: Family, Lame-o, Me. | #

Hubby’s car hasn’t been starting for months. I figured it was just cold from not being run regularly. Jumped it tonight and ran it all over town for an hour. Took it to the auto supply store for a quick battery check and it showed after all that driving and assuming I was charging the battery, I turned off the car and it was dead. The computer showed my battery was completely dead, despite only being 6 months old. Now we are thinking the alternator is dying, so Monday I get to jump it again and take it to the dealership. Thankfully it only dies when I turn it off, for now at least.

Of course all this would be easier if my teenager hadn’t lost my keys while I was out…. that is just my luck, huh?

No Comments | In: This is how I roll | tags: Austin, Auto Stuff, Bobby, Lame-o, Ramblings. | #

I did not want to have to do this, but kids, it is time for a lesson on parking etiquette. I guess I just assumed everyone knew how to park a car except the NFH, but the last 17 days of the house next to me being for rent has taught me that I guess I am wrong.

I guess it is a good thing, and I should be happy people are looking at the house next door, especially since the only ad I can find for this property is one tiny listing buried on Craig’s List.

So boys and girls, get out your notebook and be prepared for a test at the end of my lesson.

My city has laws that say that your vehicle cannot be within four feet of the entrance to someone’s driveway, otherwise they can be ticketed, or towed; however us living on top of each other in the land of track homes, they have an unwritten rule that in our area they just can’t block them, and you know what? I am fine with that. I also take no issue with people parking in front of my house, I don’t claim the public street. What I DO take issue with is when people block my driveway, especially when I am trying to leave my house. It gets a bit old tracking down people to get them to move their cars and my deductible is too high to just say “oops! My car must have slipped out of gear, gone down my driveway, and smashed into your car…. too bad you were parked there”, although I can’t say I have not been tempted.

We keep one car in the driveway, and my minivan and a piece of shi… err, classic car, in the garage. Yet I don’t know how many times I have come outside to see someone’s car blocking the entire tail end of his car, which I drive about once a week to keep the battery charged and the fluid moving through it. It is a 2003 Honda Civic with perfect paint and a straight body, so it is not like it looks abandon or anything. There is also only about 2-3 feet between my driveway, and the neighbors, so unless you drive a motorcycle, you are going to block someone’s driveway… one might think the smart thing to do would to be to block the *empty* house you are coming to look at, and not the car occupied one.

The empty house, also has an equally empty two car driveway, and an empty spot spanning the entire front of the house. On top of that, directly across the street is a house facing east to another street leaving the side of it completely unobstructed by driveways and can easily fit 3 or 4 cars. Common sense would say you could park in one of about 9 different spaces and be close to the rental you are looking at, and not piss off anyone.

So today I realize the storage unit I rented last month for pre-packing is due today, but rather than be able to pay on the phone, or online, I have to go in person to waive the insurance on the storage unit since my homeowners policy covers off-site storage. When I open the garage door, there is a car parked with the bumper of the car right up the edge to the left of my driveway standing next to a truck parked halfway into the middle of my driveway. She is chatting on a cell phone and the driver is sitting in the drivers seat. I buckle up the baby and then walk down to where they are and I say “Excuse me, but do you mind pulling forward so you are not blocking my driveway?” I was nice, and polite and did not have one ounce of attitude and can you believe she SCOWLED and glared at me and mumbled something bitchy to her husband! I wanted to kick her in the neck and tell her that she is too low-rent to be able to afford a house to live in and go back to living in her single-wide, but I was nice and just walked away. When I got back they were both gone, and I can just hope they don’t come back. I can understand why my neighbor has a sign in front of his carport telling people not to block his driveway.

Question 1:
It is okay to block a car in their driveway if they have enough room to back out if they pull the wheel all the way to one side, even if they have to pull forward a few times, or drive on their lawn, to get far enough to get around you.
A) True
B) False
C) Heck no, are you effing stupid??

Question 2:
Are you special and think you have privileges to be a jerk to anyone you please, and they can just deal with it?
A) Yes
B) No
C) We all deserve to be treated with respect

Question 3:
If you are visiting someone or looking at a home to occupy, or you do occupy it, where should you park?
A) Anywhere I feel like, I am allergic to exercise and should not have to cross a street.
B) In front of their home.
C) Anywhere that is free, legal, and not inconveniencing others.

Scoring:
Please use the point system below to add up your answers.
A) -2
B) 0
C) 2

If you scored a 0-6:
Congratulations, you have common sense! You may now officially co-exist with other humans, and know basic parking etiquette. Pat yourself on the back, your IQ is greater than your shoe size.

If you scored -2 or below:
Time to go back to kindergarten so you can learn basic principals like sharing this big giant planet with others. Until you learn some manners, feel free to stick a plastic bag over your head so you are not wasting oxygen that could be used by others. If you don’t like sharing this planet with others, you are free to leave it at any time.

I hope you had a good lesson and that you learned something boys and girls. If any part of this class did not make sense to you, I will be available for private tutoring after class. If you failed this lesson, and refuse to repeat this lesson, there will be plastic bags at the end of the hall and a shuttle bus in the parking lot to take you to Mars where you will be much happier.

1 Comment | In: This is how I roll | tags: Humor, Insanity, Lame-o, Me, Ranting, Silliness, Tirade. | #

Today I left this message on my mom’s voice mail. “Hi mom, its me. I just wanted to let you know to keep an eye out for two of your grandsons. I have a feeling they may be running away from home today and will probably be hitchhiking up to live with you. They have no clean clothes though, so sorry. They will be traveling light, I took all their belongings from the room they told me to clean since they lied. Let me know when they get there.”

The back story to this message is simple: I told the two oldest boys, who share a room, that in 3 days the Realtor was coming and I needed them to clean their room to the level of spotless. They cleaned for a while and then told me it was done. So I told 2nd oldest to vacuum, after about 20 minutes I yelled at him to start the vacuum already and he told me that he was cleaning his room so he could vacuum because they messed it up a bit since they finished cleaning. Odd. Ok, whatever. You told me it was clean, twice… I’ll hold you to it.

So this morning I head down to the crawlspace in their room to find a box to put cookies in to mail to my hubby and I exploded. Thankfully they were at school when this happened, and the baby slept through it… So I decided to clean it myself to teach them what “clean” looks like. Just a quick product review. Kirkland brand lawn bags are AMAZING. They are Costco’s generic brand of Hefty bags and they hold well. I grabbed one of those brooms that you see on TV, the “amazing” ones that are a wedge on one side and bristles on the other, four trash bags, and set to work bagging up everything on the floor except big boxes, and laundry. An hour later… I was almost done, but had to leave for a doctor’s appointment, so I loaded up all the laundry into the back of my van and 3 of the 8 laundry bags and head to my appointment.

Afterward, I ran over to my brand new storage unit and unloaded a total of ELEVEN loads of laundry, 3 bags of toys, garbage & books, a huge basket of books, and 3 tote boxes of toys. I headed back home and put the baby in her highchair for lunch and loaded up the rest of the toys (5 bags) 2 globes, 2 boxes of breakables and then proceeded to spread baking soda all over their room while I vacuumed under dressers, windowsills, cobwebs, and under the bed. My poor Dyson vacuum had to go over their carpet TWICE just to get it clean. Mind you, this is the room that they vacuumed just yesterday. I woke up the baby who had fallen asleep in the highchair while I was working and then took another trip to the storage unit. The oldest boy called to tell me he was sick, so I picked him up and banished him to bed. He explained that while waiting for me, he ate his lunch and started feeling better. I *should* have loaded his butt back into the van and taken him back, but I figured laying in an empty room was punishment enough and would be less fun then playing sick and getting attention at school.

In 10 minutes I have to leave to go get the 2nd oldest from school, he is going to FLIP OUT when he sees his room. I predict whining and tears from him. I will explain that I simply took care of all their trash that they left on the floor and maybe they will be able to keep their room clean if it is empty. If they keep their room clean, they will earn one container back at a time. Too bad they have so much dirty laundry, since that is what they will be earning back first… one basket at a time.

3 Comments | In: This is how I roll | tags: Austin, Christopher, Confessions, Domestic Diva, Family, Insanity, Lame-o, Parenting, Ranting, Tirade. | #

A couple months ago I banned a certain friend from the house. I never really cared for him, but I could not put my finger on it at first. In time I REALLY did not like him because when I would say no to almost any request, he would try to change my mind even though I never once went back on my initial decision. He was always also trying to stay the night, and when I would say he had plans, he would respond that his parents had plans and he could not stay home alone so he *had* to find a place to stay.

Well two months ago I was about to slice some mango for fruit salad, and one was missing. I blamed my own children, but the next day they said they saw this boy with a mango. Then he was bragging at school that he had gotten a mango from our house and it was the best ever. I was furious and told the boys I did not want him in my house anymore. Bobby thought I was being harsh, but I refuse to allow liars or thieves into my house. A few days later he apologized to Christopher and admitted to stealing the mango.

Then it comes out that some of the kids in the neighborhood as missing games, and this boy has stolen them and he was in a lot of trouble at home. Austin admits to me that he thought the boy had stolen his game, but had no proof. Christopher also was missing a game. Austin & Christopher went to his mom and told her that they felt he had their games and she said she did not see them.

Well a few weeks ago I see the kids looking through Matthew’s room, they told me he had Christopher’s gameboy last and they don’t know where he put it. I immediately think of the boy, but they sort of dismiss it for a few days until Austin says “you know, the last place I saw his gameboy was when Matthew had it in the bathroom, and the boy used that bathroom too.

So today the boy says at school he is going to come over and talk to me about a game he accused Christopher of stealing, a game *we* gave him that he lost. I was really hoping he would come so I could ask him to get the gameboy and games now. Instead, two neighborhood boys show up. They say they they have seen the boy with a lot of new games lately and they mention the two pokemon games the boys were missing. Then I ask if he had a DS, and they said “a silver one? With a ton of scratches??” and Austin was like *I* scratched that gameboy, on accident!!” so together they went to talk to the boy’s parents.

Well I guess the apple does not fall too far from the tree. The mom was pissed, at MY kids! She said she was going to call the police on my kids for harassment! WTF!?! Hearing this, I called the police and asked him to write down the boy’s address, as well as addresses and phone numbers of all the witnesses who saw our games and gameboy. The dad started yelling at the boy and amazingly enough, the gameboy appeared, and it was being used by none other than the mom. Another one of the kids admits they know who has the game, and he traded the boy his own games for the pokemon games. That child let Austin look at the game, and sure enough, there is the the pokemon he misnamed, “Charmandy”. That child gave back the one game and asked me if he could borrow the other game for a few weeks so he could beat it. I told the kids to make the decision, but I had to problem with it because he had been super honest in returning the game, even though he had traded it for one of his own games. They like this other kid, so they are letting him borrow it.

I decided since the games and the gameboy were returned, I would not involve the police, but my friend suggested I make an appointment with the principal since he was threatening to beat up my son, and I agree that I probably should involve the school for that reason alone. If that boy as much as sets foot in my driveway, I will have NO issue telling him to get off my property.

Tonight I took my kids out to dinner and ice cream for standing up for themselves, choosing better friends (at least 3 kids were willing to help them and were honest about the boy having their games), and for being thorough in making sure he had witnesses’ names and addresses. I was also impressed that he was still polite to the boy’s mom, even though he *knew* the boy had his stuff and she was protecting and bullying him. I am glad this family lives about 4 or 5 blocks away.

1 Comment | In: People, Places & Things, This is how I roll | tags: Austin, Christopher, Lame-o, Matthew, Parenting, Ranting, Technology. | #

There are days when I struggle with motherhood. I mean REALLY struggle. Just today I was telling my husband how frustrated I am in my kids’ lack of responsibility with the animals. We have a horrible mean pitbull living next door ripping holes in my fence and it is just a matter of time before it gets through and kills or harms one of my dogs. So the rule is the dogs can be out for 2 minutes max until I can get the landscaping company to come out and replace my fence. So this morning I hear the dogs barking while I am nursing the baby. Ten minutes pass, still barking, 15 minutes. I finally hit the conference button on the phone and broadcast that the dogs are STILL outside.

Also, the cats. Christopher’s job is to feed the cats and clean the litter boxes daily. Yet if I don’t nag, it does not get done and then they seek out my towels. So now every time I think I have a “clean” towel, I discover it smells like cat urine. Nice. Also, when I am trying to feed Sophia, I have three cats underfoot circling around my ankles because their food bowl is empty.

Bobby called today and I vented, I vented good. I told him how frustrated I was at their total lack of responsibility, how Austin pulled out a progress report while we were walking out the door and asked me to sign it because it was due today and I refused because we would have been late if I had to stop everything and look it over before I sign it. I am just plain sick of it.

So I told my husband how I was half tempted to load up the three cats and two dogs in the van and take them to a kennel for the weekend and board them. How tempted I am to tell the kids that I got rid of the animals because I found them families that would take better care of them. How tempted I am to tell them that if they did not love the animals enough to feed them, water them, and provide them with a clean place to poop and pee that they will go elsewhere.

BUT that would be mean. I am not about to punish my pets, or my four year old because of something my teen & tween did. I am a mean mom, but at the same time I don’t want to teach them that lying and trickery is OK. I struggle with where the line in the sand is sometimes. I struggle daily with trying to be effective without being too mean or too nice. I struggle with making the punishment fit the crime. I struggle with too many chores vs. too little chores. I have very good kids, and I believe I have good kids because my husband and I have always worked together and tried to be consistent, we have always given them responsibility, and we have never spoiled them with toys or candy because they held their breath or stomped their feet at the store.

I think with our family spread out like it is right now we are all feeling the stress and I feel less effective because I don’t have my partner here to back me up. I think he feels helpless because he wants to help and he wants to put his foot up their butts, but from that many thousands of miles away, what can you say? “Just wait, in four months, you are going to be sorry!”? And I think the kids are struggling too, they miss their dad and it is hard to stay motivated when you are sad, I get that. I just wish they would see how overwhelmed I am carrying their load on top of my own. I need to heal this fracture, or I will crumble under the weight of it all.

I don’t think this weekend is going to be a fun one, I can tell you that! Hmmmm, I wonder if I can figure out how to set up the parental controls on the TV??

2 Comments | In: This is how I roll | tags: Add new tag, Austin, Bobby, Christopher, Confessions, Domestic Diva, Family, Fur Babies/Pets, Insanity, Lame-o, Matthew, Me, Parenting, Ranting, Sadness, Tirade. | #