Mistakes in Motherhood

This move is teaching me a very valuable lesson on men and women. It seems no matter how stressed I get, or how mad, or sad, or frustrated or any other range of emotion I feel about waiting for confirmation about this move, my husband has appeared to me to be very nonchalant and calm about it. This morning I think I snapped and finally sent him this email.

Hey, I know you are trying to stay on top of this move situation, but I am seriously feeling major stress and I don’t know what else I can do. No matter where we go it is going to be very hard for me to find a place for us to live without giving away all our pets and kids and I am just not sure what else to do to avoid getting ulcers. The longer we go without an answer, the more anxiety I feel and I start crying and have panic attacks multiple times a day. Can you think of any way we can communicate to your boss that we really need to have a for sure answer? Every person I have talked to in Olympia has told us they want us to have one full month notice before moving into a house, which means the longer we go without an answer, the longer the 6 of us live in a hotel together. If we end up going to VA, it will probably take even longer to find a place, and we may end up having to board the pets at anywhere from $12-30 per pet, per day.

Heather

About 30 minutes later he called me, and got me to laugh and smile. He told me he had tried calling his boss several times and left him a voice message. When I freaked out on him and told him I wanted him to fly home so I could choke him for not being emotional like I was (this statement was made very light-hearted, and we both knew it). He told me he knew this was hard on me, and he was allowing me to cry and complain and freak out because he knew I needed to. He knew one of us needed to be strong, so he decided to take on that role. So when I freaking out that he was not freaking out, he was being strong because he knew one of us needed to be or we would both be puddles of goo over this.

This made me realize, that when I felt I was carrying this load alone, not only was he helping me carry it, but in addition he was carrying ME! It is times like this that I really appreciate my husband, even if he does things differently than I do, and does not carry his emotions on his sleeves, it does not mean that he does not have emotions, he just expresses them differently than I do. I am glad he allowed me to step back and see things at face value, so I was not sitting here brooding and stressing, feeling like I was slaying the dragon all by myself.

2 Comments | In: This is how I roll | tags: Bobby, Marriage, Me, Moving, Ranting. | #

I want to thank everyone who has been emailing, or calling, asking how the kids and I are holding up with the hubby away. We are on day 4 and things are finally starting to settle into a routine. I have been worried about Matthew; who, as we predicted, has been taking his daddy’s absence the hardest. We are trying to settle into a routine with a set bedtime and lots of cuddle time, but he’s been pretty lonesome for his daddy.

Sophie is sleeping in her own room (the office) full time now and that is going well, she will get up either once, or none at all at night and seems to be soothing herself to sleep much easier. She will cry for less than a minute and then either play with her toys until she falls asleep, or fall right to sleep. Last night she woke up twice, cried out a couple times, and then went right back to sleep before I had a chance to get her. I got her up at 7am to feed her before I took Austin to school and she was up for 90 minutes playing and cuddling before she decided she was ready for a morning nap.

Christopher has been a little more focused on security than usual. I reiterated that they do not open the door for anyone, including someone with flowers, a package, or claiming to be a repair person. We have had a number of break-in’s lately with the perpetrator claiming to work for the utility company. This morning, Christopher said he wanted to warn his classmates of the “scam”. On the plus side, I have spent less time reminding him to lock the door.

Austin has been very helpful, I think he’s taken to wanting to be the “man of the house”. He’s also really taken an interest in motors lately and asked if when we replace the broken motor to the garage door, if he can have it to take it apart. He’s also been helping a ton in the bedtime routine, making sure his brothers brush their teeth and helping Matthew pick out his pajamas. He’s also been great about reminding Christopher to hurry and get ready for school and to get his chores done.

I have been keeping busy with friends and normal household stuff. I have been going to be early, eating healthier, drinking less Coke, being more active. I told Bobby that we are bad influences on each other, because he too is drinking less Coke, cleaning more, and going to bed early.

1 Comment | In: People, Places & Things | tags: Austin, Bobby, Christopher, Domestic Diva, Family, Marriage, Matthew, Me, Sophia, Updates. | #

I have been on a quest to live a better life, part of that was to bring Dave Ramsey’s teachings into the family and the other part is to learn to be happy with what I have instead of wanting bigger and better. Living frugally is living smart, not living poor. Why live on steak and lobster and have debt when you can live on rice and beans and pay a few hundred more dollars on the credit card balance.

Today I had a light bulb moment when I realized that with small changes, I would appreciate my house a little bit more. When I was at the library I found two books that caught my eyes, one was by “The Queen of Clean”, Linda Cobb, called The Queen of Clean Conquers Clutter and the other was Mary Ellen’s Guide to Good Enough Housekeeping. I recognized that part of my problem was lack of organization making my house feel smaller than it is and seem difficult to clean because it is cluttered.

When Bobby came home today, he came upstairs and found me in the bathroom with 100% of its contents in baskets in the bedroom and I was washing the light bulbs, he looked at my boys and said “uh-oh, mama has gone off the deep end again!” and he rescued Sophie and went to another room to play with her so I could finish my task.

I think I got rid of 3 bags full of junk, from magazines to expired products to the makeup I rarely wear, but Matthew frequently uses to “paint” my bathroom door with. I also got all the products off my counters (like mouthwash and detangler) and they now have new homes in my clean medicine cabinet or under the sink. I also hung a couple tiles that I have had for years that I planned on hanging after I painted, but we never got around to painting. My bathroom feels SO BIG now, I love it!

I am so impressed with how well Bobby is doing on our new “cash diet”, he decided he wanted a Coke, but we have been soda free for a few weeks now, so he got into his change jar and pulled out some silver to run to 7-11 to get a coke, I asked him if I chipped in some quarters if he would get me one too. He calls me from Safeway and says “wow, it is so expensive there, I decided to go to Safeway to get a better deal”. This is something I have been nagging at him forever, but Dave is right, it is a LOT harder to spend a dollar than it is just to swipe your debit card. I cannot believe how on board he has been with all this.

*************************************

Finally, a rice & bean recipe for you all.

Dad’s Red Beans & Rice (this is a recipe I grew up, my dad made this a lot)

1 cup of long/medium grain rice
2 cans of red beans (undrained)
1 medium onion, diced
1/2 green bell pepper, diced
1 kielbasa (cut into 1/4 inch disks)
1 T minced garlic

Prepare rice according to package, either in a rice cooker (my way) or on the stove top (my dad’s way). Saute together onion, bell pepper, kielbasa, and garlic over medium heat. Combine cooked rice, undrained red beans, and kielbasa & veggie mix in a 2 quart casserole dish and bake until heated through on 350 (about 30 minutes).

I like to serve this with cornbread since all of the ingredients for those are staples.

*Money saving tip… get your green peppers when they are on sale and freeze them, that way you always have green pepper on hand. I wait for them to go on sale at King Sooper (our local Kroger chain) and I buy red, yellow, orange and green peppers and then slice them lengthwise and freeze on wax paper on a cookie sheet for an hour, then I put them into sandwich baggies and put in the freezer (1 pepper per baggie). Then I dice about 2 or three green peppers and do the same, again one pepper per baggie. The pre-freezing keeps them from sticking together, so you can use half a baggie in this recipe without having to thaw.

1 Comment | In: Frugal, not cheap! | tags: Bobby, Domestic Diva, Family, Finances, House Stuff, Marriage, Me, Ramblings, Tackle It Tuesday. | #

I am finally back from my 3 week long vacation in Spokane and I totally need a vacation! The short version

• 3 weeks away from home
• 4 kids- ages 12, 10, 3, and 1 month
• Just me, Bobby did not come
• 3400 miles driven total
• Four 12 hour days of driving

Every year I try to send Austin & Christopher to see my parents, either by flying them up to Washington alone, or by flying or driving with them. Last year we flew them up first, then Bobby, Matthew and I drove up together and then the five of us drove back together. The trip from Colorado to Washington is about 1200 miles each way.

This year Bobby did not have enough vacation time and it was even more important for me to go because my dad is having some health issues and because I wanted my family to meet Sophia. I knew it would not be easy to drive that far with a 4 week old and a 3 year old, but they were actually very good. My van has a DVD player in the back and all the jacks necessary to hook up a game system, so the three boys brought their Gamecube and kept themselves entertained while the baby slept through most of the drive. We made a point to stop once or twice a day at parks along the way to get the kids out of the car. In Billings the hotel we stayed at had a pool with a water slide and the five of us unwound in the pool, which was heavenly after the long drive.

My dad looked amazing, we don’t know what is causing his health problems, but he has to be on oxygen and we are all pretty bummed about that because my dad leads such an active lifestyle and the oxygen pretty much keeps him tied down. My dad is a non-smoker, and the doctors had no answers to why he is having breathing problems, despite spending a week in the ICU.

While we were there we visited with Bobby’s nieces and nephew who we met last year for the first time. To make a long story short, Bobby and his brother had a falling out. We have always liked ex-SIL, but lost contact with her when we moved away. I met her back in 1997 when she introduced us to her oldest daughter, R., despite her husband’s (Bobby’s brother) wishes. I found BIL on myspace, contacted his girlfriend who gave me his ex-wife’s number, and we have been in frequent contact since.

Here is a picture of her youngest daughter with my youngest daughter. Click to see a larger image.

And here is a picture of her three and my four.

From Left to right is Austin -12, B. – 9, and Matthew – 3
Christopher – 10, A. – 6, R. – 11, and Sophie – 5 weeks.

In addition to spending time with my parents and his family, we also got to go to Faragut National Park in Idaho for a family reunion. My mom and her sisters and their families get together once a year for a long weekend campout. Since my dad could not stay the night and I did not want to camp with a baby, we drove back and forth each day (1 hour drive each way). My sister kept Austin and Christopher with her so they were able to stay the night. Matthew loved playing in the dirt as you can see.

It was so nice to spend the weekend with my sisters, Aunts and uncles, cousins, and all their kids. My oldest sister made me the nicest gifts ever, she is so talented. She scrapbooked a little brag book, and hand painted Sophia’s name on wooden letters, she also got her the most darling little outfit. All three were in Sophie’s colors, pink and brown, which I did not know were also my sister’s colors. I need to take and share some pictures, the scrapbook has got to be about the most gorgeous thing I have ever seen, I wish I had an ounce of her talent.

We also spent a lot of time up at their cabin in Priest Lake Idaho. The older boys stayed a little over a week up there with my parents, where the little ones and I drove back and forth a couple times (2 hour drive) since the cabin is unsafe with exposed electrical and a loft without rails. They are building it themselves, so they are waiting for inspections and such, and with my dad’s health issues, they did not expect the process to take so long. Since they are only a couple miles from the lake, we spent almost all our time at the lake. Click on the pictures below to see larger images.

Time flew by so fast, I only got to spend a couple hours with my best friend of 28 years, and my best friend of 14 years.

My mom started the potty for penny campaign with Matthew, and now he is almost potty trained, I am so proud! He is now peeing in the potty with maybe one or two accidents a day, and rarely needs reminding. Even more shocking is that he is pooping in the potty, something we could not get him to do when we almost had him trained a few months ago!

Leaving was bittersweet, I was so homesick and missed Bobby so much, but I did not want to leave either. I had such a wonderful time with my parents, and the boys were ready to leave me forever and live with their grandparents forever. My 11 year anniversary is tomorrow, and school starts in 2 weeks, so it was necessary to return. On the drive home, I did get some amazing pictures of Sophie, you can’t tell in the pictures, but her eyes almost looked violet in the light.

She was so good in the car, she only cried when she wanted to nurse. The rest of the time she either slept or just looked around contently, or smiling at her brothers.

4 Comments | In: People, Places & Things | tags: Austin, Auto Stuff, Bobby, Christopher, Family, Friends, Health, Holidays, Insanity, Marriage, Matthew, Me, School, Sophia, Vacations, Vehicle(s). | #

I have a not-so-secret-anymore crush on Kevin Smith, the writer and director of movies such as Clerks, Clerks II, Chasing Amy, Dogma, and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. I have always admired his subtle, sophisticated humor and I also think he is quite good looking. My husband, Bobby, knows of my many crushes, to include Kevin Smith AKA Silent Bob.

Yesterday, Bobby had some dental work, and when he came home, his mouth and tongue were still numb making it almost impossible to be understood when he talked. I was laying down in the front room with Matthew when he walked into the door, to communicate with me he was using a mixture of ASL (we both sign with Matthew) and some made up signs. He gets sort of a devilish look and leans back against the closet door behind him. It was as if he became Silent Bob; not only did he nail the look with his longer hair and beard, but he also nailed his facial expressions, mannerisms, and gestures. And then, as if I was not laughing hard enough, he had a “light-bulb moment” and turned around and pulled his full length leather trench coat out of the closet and REALLY starts emulating Silent Bob.

I love my husband so much, he always knows how to brighten my day and put me in a good mood. He is a great actor and comedian, and even though he may not have the drive to make it in Hollywood, in my book he wins the Oscar for Best Actor in a Leading Role any day.

No Comments | In: Uncategorized | tags: Bobby, Confessions, Humor, Marriage. | #

I have never been one for Valentines Day; I think it is a made up holiday to celebrate commercialism. I usually swear off all gifts, but this year DH was moved to get me something, either spur of the moment or planned… whatever the case may be, I think it was super sweet on the part of all my boys.

I had been getting sick on the 13th, and had laid down for a nap when Bobby got home from work. The older boys needed cards for their classroom the next day so he loaded up all three boys and headed to the store. He ended up getting fixings for dinner and he got me a teddy bear (from Matthew), a rose (from Christopher), chocolates (from Austin), and a beautiful lily plant from Bobby (pictured to the left, click to enlarge) and a balloon. When I came downstairs they had already made dinner and had arranged my gifts for me.

Of course, then I felt bad about not getting anything for Bobby, but he insists it is “my day” not his. He knows I hate Valentines Day so I know he did not expect anything. I have always loved how Bobby is romantic all year long and not just one day a year, so usually for Valentines Day I ask for time together. We joke that last year we went to the gun store for V-Day, but I loved it! I love just hanging out with him, spending time with him, commercialism aside. So thank you to all my men (big and little), for making this Valentines Day special… I love you all.

No Comments | In: A lot about nothing | tags: A lot about nothing, Austin, Christopher, Holidays, Marriage, Matthew, Romance. | #

Well after last date night was such a success, we accepted our friends invitation to join them for dinner & a show.

Last night we ate dinner at Musashi’s; our local Japanese Steakhouse. Then we headed up north to the Air Force Academy to watch Bill Engvall… let me tell you, that man is hilarious! I have not laughed like that since Josh Blue.

Date night was a roaring success. Bobby and I got to get all dressed up, since I did not have anything to wear, Bobby took me shopping first and got me 2 new bras, 2 new shirts, a new half sweater, a pair of jeans and a pair of Capri pants. We also got him a pair of really nice dress shoes for work, his feet have been hurting him in his old shoes. Then we went to get him a nice button-up shirt and a sweater. I chose the shirts and I have to brag and say I did good… he looked fabulous in the shirts, they are both blue and really brought out his eyes.

I am really loving this date night thing… I think we will try to make this a habit.

No Comments | In: Uncategorized | tags: Bobby, Marriage, Me. | #

….and the marriage.

Lately Bobby and I have been trying to make a habit of date night. You can read all about last night’s date night on my other blog, but we have been trying to do dinner and a show of some sort. This really helps us connect as a couple; we have really needed this time together, especially since we have not really had alone time since Matthew was born.

Date night is important for couples with children because they often get caught up with work, children, and the daily routines that do not involve connecting as a couple. When you make time for each other and spend one on one time together, without the kids you can get that time back together and insure that you don’t grow apart. If we had a babysitter, I would like to have one night each week; but instead we try to do a date night at home when we can’t go out.

Do a Google search for “importance of date night” and you will find great ideas of things to do, why date night is important, and other ways for couples to reconnect.

1 Comment | In: Uncategorized | tags: Marriage, Romance. | #

I often threaten to the husband (and sometimes the kids) that I will be blogging an embarrassing or funny thing they say or do.  Bobby is ALWAYS hearing me threaten to blog what he says, but usually I can’t because I like keeping my blog PG-13 rated and often what he says is rated R or NC-17.  It is still pretty funny to see his reaction; sometimes he is proud and is like “do it!  I want to know what your girlfriends say when you tell them that I ….”

Most of the time I threaten, but then forget.  Most of my blog-worthy material is when Bobby and I are laying half-asleep in bed and talking about strange things (like our Emergency Zombie Plan) and we are both deliriously sleepy.  By the time I wake up, I forget what was said and then kick myself later for not blogging it.

No Comments | In: A lot about nothing | tags: A lot about nothing, Blog/Blogging, Humor, Marriage. | #