Mistakes in Motherhood

I have been so very busy. On May 7th, the day before Mother’s Day, I declared I was going to proclaim today as my mother’s day. My oldest son presented me with a card he bought and he and all his siblings filled out. He traced Sophie and Liam’s hand on it. He also had gone to three different different store looking for a specific candy I like without luck, and settled on three of my favorite candy bars. Our sweet neighbor gave him a pretty gift box. Matthew planted me a plant in a flower pot he decorated, and made me a card. My husband told me if I didn’t go buy myself a Keurig, he would buy one for me, spend a lot more, and have to mail it to me.

I was also feeling sentimental, so I sent Austin’s birth mom a text message thanking her for allowing me to be his mommy. She called me right back and we talked for about 30 minutes. It was nice to hear that she had no regrets, I have always worried she consented to the adoption out of desperation, and not because she truly wanted the best for him.

On Sunday, Austin turned 15. This is why I did Mother’s Day early. I knew he would make a fuss about it, and I didn’t want anything to distract him from his birthday. The little stinker still did, he made me breakfast in bed, and made eggs and bacon for the little ones. For his birthday dinner, he wanted me to make him BBQ Ribs on the grill. I also made corn bread and green beans. It was delicious. He played with his friends most of the day, he literally came home when the street lights came on. It was glorious. Our gift was delivered on Monday, a trampoline! The “t” was partially obscured on the package, so now the kids call it “the rampoline”.

For three days Austin and I built the rampoline together. Christopher helped keep the little three busy. I may or may not have taught Austin some new words as we stretched springs, and pulled safety nets tight. On the first day, I took a break for dinner, and just when I was about to put the last 5 of 8 safety net poles up, I asked Austin “do you smell something chemically??” He looked downstairs, and I looked in my bathroom, and I do believe my head exploded. That is a full bottle of deep purple nail polish, and some bare minerals face powder. I scrubbed on that thing for probably 6 hours (I was up until 3am) and I managed to lighten it to a lilac color, but it didn’t come out. I will need to replace the carpet in my bathroom. Right now it is half vinyl, half carpet, and I am hoping our landlord will let us rip out all the flooring in the bathroom and replace it with coordinating vinyl.
Liam is growing so fast, too fast. His new name is Mr. Grabbyhands. He has learned how to play with the toys on his bouncer to activate music. He has also learned how to make mama yelp in pain by grabbing onto a huge handful of hair and yanking really hard. He also can roll from his belly to his back, and most recently his back to his belly.

No Comments | In: A lot about nothing, People, Places & Things | tags: Adoption, Austin, Christopher, Domestic Diva, Family, House Stuff, Liam, Milestones, Parenting, Updates. | #

Today has been the first real “bad mommy day” since the colossal mind melt earlier this month. Okay, so it is 12:30 am, and technically now May, so all that was last month, but we will go with my husband’s rule…. “time does not change until after I go to sleep”. So in my mind, it is still the last day of April.

So earlier today (or call it yesterday if you want to keep it real) my little three decided that if they all behaved equally naughty, mom would allow it with retribution, because of safety in numbers, right? *insert melting brain here*

It felt like a country western song. Mom wanted to sleep, the phone was ringing, the baby was whining for breast milk, the 6 year old was wanting to tattle, and the 2 year old wanted a “poopy prize”. I thought everything was settled back into place, and I was going to try to get a few more minutes of sleep, when the baby boy decided he was fat, full, and flippin’ jubilant! There goes my lazy Saturday.

I should have known it was going to be one of those days, everyone was crying and fighting. It took me a full hour to get a sip of my then cold coffee. By lunchtime I was DONE. I put the sleeping baby, and the 2 year old down for naps. The 6 year old was soon sent to nap too after he demonstrated his own fatigue. However, no one napped! All three were exhausted, but no one napped. By around 3pm, I was in tears.

Of course, as soon as I had sufficiently filled my bladder with iced coffee, and was about ready to start dinner, not only did the baby, but also the 2 year old fell asleep. Thankfully the 14 year old walked in from playing to get a drink, and I asked him to hold the (now crying) baby so I could make Fra Diavolo Sauce With Farfalle Pasta, and broccoli. I changed it up a bit, I used fresh tomatoes and added some white wine. I also used only shrimp (doubled), cooked it longer, and served over farfalle (bow tie pasta) instead of linguini. I thought it might be too spicy, so I made some Cabernet Marinara with Herbs for the little ones, but offered them both. I think they favored the spicy shrimp sauce. I had to giggle a bit because they started fighting over who could have the last of the broccoli, they all decided they had not had enough, and Austin rushed in to make sure everyone got two more pieces.

We made a fresh batch of chocolate chip cookies, and at them hot, with cold glasses of milk. We were all sleepy, and I decided after everyone was in bed, that I would slip into a hot bath and then go to bed early myself….. but first let me just fix this spam problem real quick. Real quick. Famous last words.

At 10:19 PM, my darling husband gets on Skype. I tell him “Don’t laugh, but I have such a headache. And it is all from reading confusing stuff.” He reassures me he is not laughing. “Owie, hurty head. .htaccess is so confusing.” He tells me he doesn’t know what .htaccess is (I didn’t either until today. I explain what it is, what it does, and what I am using it for. I will not quote what I said because it consists of several F bombs, and other colorful expletives… and I would like to remain classy.

I tell him “Half my face is limp. I must have stroked out somewhere between .htaccess ssh and ftp”. My darling husband says “I want to see”, and starts a video conference. *sigh* At 10:44, about the time I told him my brain was made of pudding, and drool was dripping out of my half-limp stroked out face, the butt tells me “I have worse problems btw. I can not find my hair brush.”

While his hair WAS quite poofy, by this time I was ready to hang myself by my shoe laces. I had no less than 15 tutorials open, terminal, my ftp, a glass of wine and my sanity was long gone. Four minutes later, he proclaims all is right in the world, he has found his hair brush. Well lah dee freakin’ dah! He then asked me if that was my soul he saw leaking out of my eyes. Well yes it is.

At 11:36, he tells me he has to go to work. And I tell him I have to bash my skull in with a baseball bat. A little after 12:10am, I figure out the problem. The file I was looking for could EASILY be created by opening a simple word processor, uploading it to my ftp (server), renaming it, and then editing it with the script I wanted, and voila, spammer would be 404ed. I have no idea if my 2-3 hours worked, but I guess I will find out soon enough when my spam folders keep filling up. AHHHH, what a nightmare!

So now that it is 2am, I can finally climb into bed, and in 4 hours I can start this all over again. Sleep deprived and crabby. As soon as I finish knitting this last row real quick.

No Comments | In: A lot about nothing, This is how I roll | tags: Austin, Babysitting, Domestic Diva, Family, Humor, Insanity, Matthew, Me, Parenting, Photography, Ramblings, Ranting, Sleep Deprivation, Sophia. | #

Tonight I broke down on the telephone with my husband. Liam squeaked though the baby monitor and I placed him on hold so I could put the monitor up to my ear and listen. I teased him for calling me a paranoid mom when he was driving us home from the hospital and at a red light I unbuckled and climbed over the seat to make sure my tiny little boy was not swallowed up by his giant car seat and that he was doing okay since he suddenly stopped crying. I remember him jokingly telling me I was acting like he was my first and not my fifth, and I remember explaining that I knew it wasn’t rational, but this perfect little soul *scared* me.

I think as parents we all have irrational fears about our children. With my first baby I remember him sleeping past his normal 3am feeding time and waking up at 4am with engorged breasts and sobbing that my baby must have passed in his sleep. Rationally I knew he would eventually sleep through the night, irrationally I just knew SIDS must have claimed him. My husband was in boot camp and when he called the Sunday after that instant I burst into tears when I told him our boy was sleeping through the night. He also probably got an emotional letter in the mail as well.

Then my oldest son came into our life and I was always scared his birth mom was going to come steal him away. I knew her better than that, and I trusted her, but I was always so scared that I would pick him up from school and they would explain to me that he had already been picked up by the non-custodial parent.

Then my third baby came along, and I found something else to be irrational about. I wish I could remember, but he made it out of infancy unscathed. Our fourth baby, our first and only girl was born, and she scared me so bad that I would not allow my husband to get a vasectomy until she made it safely to her second birthday, ergo the reason we got our fifth and final child.

Today I was researching pediatric pulmonologists, allergists, and pediatric neurologists. EEGs, seizures, and breath holding spells (BHS). Logically, I know this was likely an isolated incident. Irrationally I have myself convinced I need to have him looked over by a room full od specialists. I think of unnecessary poking and prodding, tests, and procedures and I just cannot make myself put my little boy through this for something that happened one time.

When I heard my husband’s voice tonight, I realized I was still wearing my brave mask. I was falling apart and not allowing anyone to see it. I have not taken time to allow myself to process the fear; to deal with the feelings, and to let myself admit how scared I was. I can still close my eyes and see the events of Friday night so clearly in my mind. The moment where I realized something was wrong. I wonder if I was as calm when I called the emergency dispatcher as I remember myself sounding. When I remember back to that night, I am on the outside, looking in. I cannot remember a single moment where I was ever that scared before.

I remember moments when my husband was in Iraq, and I heard about a casualty from his unit on the news. The fear I felt when he explained to me a building he was next to exploded and shrapnel was hitting his vehicle and it sounded like hail. I remember when helicopters I thought he was on went down, and then I did not hear from him for 20 days. I still cry at movies where they talk about the war, military casualties, or when bagpipes play “Taps”. But if I have to put this in perspective, the fear I felt that night is 100x worse. I didn’t let myself feel it though. Now that he is over the hurdle, and all he has is a lingering cough as he continues to work the crud out of my lungs, I find myself going back to that moment, and I find myself wanting to fall apart.

So tonight when Bobby called and asked how the kids were and then asked how I was, I started crying. I am a mess. And I feel SO guilty for feeling this way while so many people have dealt with so much worse. My heart goes out to all the parents who have had to face the loss of a child, or a spouse. For those who have children with chronic illnesses or disabilities. For anyone who has had to hear that they, or a loved one has a terminal illness. So tonight, when I allow myself to cry, and to allow myself to process the events of this last week, I will be thinking of everyone else who has also had to put on a brave face while they were falling apart inside.

No Comments | In: A lot about nothing, This is how I roll | tags: Confessions, Family, Health, Lame-o, Liam, Parenting, Ramblings, Sadness. | #

Writing this while watching Calliou with a puny toddler, her 104 fever dropped down to 100, and her arm/leg spasms calmed by around 3AM last night with the help of Ibuprofin. She’s still got a nasty little cough. I was able to fall asleep at 4. Around 6AM she woke up screaming again and asked to sleep in my bed, which is unusual for her. She has always loved her own bed, even as a baby. At 7:30 I awake to the sound of crying again, but this time from my 6 year old. It took me a moment to register what he was saying, but when he got his words out, my heart sank; I had forgotten to retrieve the tooth he lost and replace it with a dollar.

Through his tears he created fantastic stories of what could have happened. “Maybe she forgot her cat away, and the cat scared her?” “Maybe she is sick?” I offered. That was rejected. Then as if he was not sufficiently traumatized, wailing part two ensues. I guess he was playing with the tooth on the floor and it fell down the vent. Now he was facing another possibility.. not only did the tooth fairy forget him, but now she was never going to come! He decided that maybe if he wrote a not and put it under his pillow, he could get back into her good graces. The note read “I m srrye, I lost my tooth”. Thankfully his brother helped him dig it out. However I still had to figure out what to do. To buy some time to think up a convincing lie decent plan, I sent him off to the shower. Since he has a bunk bed, I put a dollar under a pillow in his top bunk. Silly mama, how dare I assume he didn’t overturn every pillow. He saw through my deception immediately.

We settled on a story that maybe the tooth fairy was just running late, his brother convinced him that maybe a lot of children in china has lost their teeth. After all that, the little turkey wanted me to put his crisp new dollar I picked out just for him, into his checking account. Love that boy!

Next time he loses a tooth, I am insisting he hangs his sister’s “Welcome Tooth Fairy” pillow on his door knob, as a reminder for her not to fly on by.

2 Comments | In: People, Places & Things | tags: Confessions, Health, Lame-o, Matthew, Parenting, Sleep Deprivation, Sophia. | #

I wasn’t planning on joining the UBP 11, but it is 2:45am and I am up with a sick 2 year old, so I figured this sure beats watching Sesame Street on Sprout with her, but still allows me to cuddle with her.

So if you found me on UBP11, let me introduce myself.

I am a Heather, a 32 year old full time Domestic Engineer. Obviously my shift does not end at 5pm, sometimes I get lucky and I get to go on break from 9pm-7am. If I am even luckier, it is uninterrupted and insomnia stays away.

Ten Facts about me/us
• I have five kids, 4 boys, 1 girl.
• The boys are 14, 13, 6, and 3 months; the little girl is 2 1/2.
• I have been married to my husband for almost 14 years.
• We married when we were just teenagers.
• I was an Army wife for 8 years and lived at two different installations.
• My hubby is now a PMC (Private Military Contractor) working in Afghanistan.
• I have spent 3 years of my life being a geographically-separated parent, and I just started on the 4th year. Not single or solo parent, as hubby is very involved, but you can only do so much when you are 6,000 miles apart.
• Despite having 5 kids, I am an infertility survivor. I adopted my oldest son through a stepparent adoption almost five years ago. My 2nd oldest was conceived easily. My 3rd child took 6 years to conceive after many failed months with a specialist and infertility drugs. My 4th child took 2 years to conceive and I needed fertility medications combined with an IUI. My 5th child was quite the surprise!
• I try to be as natural of a parent as I can be. I believe in extended breastfeeding, cloth diapering, baby wearing, and natural childbirth.
• Despite believing in Natural Childbirth, I have only achieved it once, and that is when I had my 4th child at home, in the water.

My blog title, Mistakes in Motherhood, stems from my belief that we are all flawed, and parents are not immune. As a mom I know I have made many mistakes, said things I regret, done things that make me cringe, but in the end they are all learning experiences. I look forward to meeting new moms (and dads) so we can share and learn from each other.

I just started a Facebook page, so be sure to follow me, but be patient as I learn what the heck I am doing!

9 Comments | In: Geek Speak, This is how I roll | tags: Me, Parenting, Technology. | #

At 5 am this morning, Bobby and I said our goodbyes, but instead of goodbye, I told him “see you soon”. It didn’t hit me until I was 20 miles away, and I started thinking about how much it hurt to be away from 1/6th of my heart…. and if I am missing him this much, he must really be hurting, because he’s away from all of us. He called from Dulles twice today before his Dubai flight to see how I was coping with 5 kids and 4 hours of sleep. He was making sure I wasn’t burning out already, but I am more worried about him, than me, I have distractions. I have a baby to care for around the clock. I have doctors appointments, teacher conferences, homework to help with, meals to cook, a house to take care of. I don’t have time to burn out.

Quickies:

Liam is 2 months old today, he had a well baby exam and was 13 lbs. 3 oz shy of a 6 pound weight gain. Over 6 pounds if you count his lowest weight, he’s also gained 3 inches. Pretty awesome if you figure he’s gained 3 inches in 2 months and the average is 2 inches. The average weight gain is 5-7oz a week and he averages 11.6 a week.

Dude– I’m never getting another Dell. Christopher’s charger for his Alienware broke. 4 months of light use, we are talking probably 20 times of unplugging/plugging. It is a BAD design, think of a thin copper wire, like maybe the size of a .7mm pencil lead, housed inside a plug as big around as a pencil with the eraser pulled out. I was told that they would not honor my warranty because if it broke, it was “abuse”. BS! Got an aftermarket charger on eBay, no way is Dell getting $80 from me for a new cord.

Dyson, ROCKS. I love them! Their customer service is top notch. I called to order a new cover for brush, a thin piece melted or broke off. They are sending an entire brush mount, a $110 retail part, for free, on a 1 1/2 yr old vacuum. No questions asked. So now my raves for customer service are Apple, Comcast, Dyson, Verizon, Automated Petcare Products (Litter Robot), and of course USAA.

Austin was holding Liam last week and said “I LOVE it when his face turns colors, it is so red”. I said “yes honey, that is because he’s pooping”. His eyes got big, his face got red and he said “oh god no!!” and passes him back to me. Funny boy!

Sophia is totally potty trained, and we ventured out into public today without any accidents. Still no poop success, and we have not braved overnight yet.

Matthew got this ‘stache from a birthday party yesterday, I had to tell him to take it off to go to bed, he wanted to keep it on. I told him he looks like a young Burt Reynolds, but he didn’t get the reference, so I called him Baby Earl from the TV showMy Name is Earl. All day I was saying “my name is Matt”.

Christopher has been an absolute joy this week. He’s finally been allowed to get a Facebook page and has been absolutely superb at getting his chores done without being told.

I started writing this post 7 hours ago. I kept getting interrupted.

No Comments | In: This is how I roll | tags: Austin, Bobby, Christopher, Domestic Diva, Family, Matthew, Me, Milestones, Parenting, Photography, Silliness, Sophia, Updates. | #

Doulas are so important!! A doula is a hired non-medical support person and they are invaluable for support of the mother *and* the father during the pregnancy, labor, and immediately postpartum. Doulas can help you find comfortable positions to labor in, advocate for the parents wishes and birth plan, offer encouragement, comfort, support, massage, hip compresses, etc.
Why this is important to know: Moms and dads play very different role in the labor and delivery room. Moms are often focused on trying to do the biggest job of her life, where some fathers often just want to do anything to make their wife comfortable, even if she has elected to have a natural delivery. A doula acts as a cheerleader for the family, as well as a lookout to make sure her care providers are following her wishes.

Anecdotal evidence: I had a doula in my last two deliveries, and I have hired one once again for my upcoming delivery. The role of a doula in a home birth or a hospital birth are both extremely important. My doula in Matthew’s birth was my eyes and ears when I was being told one thing, but the nurse was doing the exact opposite. She helped me find ways to get comfortable. In the end, the Pitocin proved to be more than I could handle, and I opted for an Epidural. It was my doula who helped distract me while I tried to rip my flesh on my face and chest off because I was itching so bad while I waited for another medication to take away the itching. It was the doula who recognized that I was probably complete (by my actions and descriptions, she didn’t examine me).
In my homebirth I was lucky enough to have two doulas; my own doula was helping another doula get her certification and she needed some births under her belt. Both played an amazing role, from keeping spirits high, to helping me move my baby into the correct position, to keeping me hydrated and confident. I really wish I had a doula in my first delivery (I had never even heard of them), because although I had support from my mom and husband, they didn’t like seeing me hurting and didn’t try to talk me out of medication when I started to have a hard time coping. The didn’t know different techniques I could use to get through the contractions, they didn’t know ways to help ease back pain. Remember: Each person wears one hat. You may think your midwife would make an excellent doula, but doulas they are not! Don’t expect your birth team to come in with more than one role!

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The freedom to move, eat, and drink is invaluable! Being stuck in bed, tied to monitors is counterproductive to labor. Along the lines of my last post about declining procedures, finding an OB or Midwife that will allow you the freedom to labor as you need will help make the process a lot more comfortable.
Why this is important to know: In the normal labor process, movement is important. Nurses will typically have you “walk the halls” in early labor, but then as you get farther along will want you to stay in bed for continuous monitoring. Contractions are typically harder to handle if you are stuck on your back unable to sway your hips, bounce on a ball, or listen to your body and baby to find a comfortable position.

Anecdotal evidence: I found laboring with an empty bladder was more comfortable, but waiting for the nurses to unhook my monitors made emptying my bladder a huge hassle, especially if I had to drag around a pole with IV fluids hanging from it. And once an epidural is in place, most providers will place a catheter to keep you from leaving the bed. Once you are laying down, you remove gravity from the equation and you no longer have the option of allowing the baby to move down with the help of movement and gravity. I also have little faith in contraction monitors, I don’t feel their are exactly effective as I have had very productive contractions barely show up on monitors, and even though my body was making progress, these strips were used as a reason to “move things along with the help of some Pitocin” or tell me I just wasn’t making progress when I was. My babies hate the doppler and like to run away from it, so I felt a lot of the time nurses were spending more time chasing the baby or moving the strips and disrupting my concentration. Finally, some women want to eat and drink in labor, I know I loved cool sips of water or gatorade between contractions with my daughter, and ice chips just doesn’t do it for my thirst.

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Don’t forget about dad! Often times dad is overlooked when mom is packing her bags, touring the hospital, or making birth plans.
Why this is important to know: Your partner is your most important support person, and if they don’t keep their strength up, they can’t be as effective as a support person.

Anecdotal evidence: I typically have prodromal labor (early labor that starts and stops for several days or weeks) and this can be exhausting for all. In my first birth, my poor husband hadn’t slept in probably 24 hours before the birth. When he had a chance, he would nap in a hard chair and we never thought to ask if there was a better option. Turns out, two of the chairs turns into beds. We also were not told this when I was in the postpartum room and he ended up leaving the hospital to stay with a friend so he could sleep. We also didn’t think to have clean clothing for him, cash for food, snacks, etc.

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Do your research. This is the most important part of pregnancy, delivery, and parenthood! Don’t have regrets, you don’t get a do-over.
Why this is important to know: Just like you cannot un-ring a bell. Choices you make the first time around can affect the rest of your life. Something as simple as consenting to an induction because you are tired of being pregnant at 3 days overdue can cause a domino effect you cannot predict or stop. One intervention often leads to another and you may be left with an experience that you still regret decades later.

Anecdotal evidence: I have tons of regrets that are so personal to me I won’t go into them, some that didn’t just cause regrets with my first child, but every child after that. However you live and learn, you do your research, and you try to get past regrets knowing you did the very best you knew how.

No Comments | In: This is how I roll | tags: Family, Parenting, Pregnancy. | #

Since these will be long, I am going to break them into sections. This part will cover: Irregular Contractions, Pitocin, and Pain Relief.

I have always felt birth should be natural, but it seems like no matter how good my intentions were in the past it seemed that my desire for a hands off birth were out of reach. I hope by sharing some of my mistakes with you, I can help others who may be misguided or unaware.

Not everyone has regular contractions! It seems the books all tell you that the hallmark between real labor vs. false labor is regularity of contractions, but I am here to tell you, that is NOT the rule and there ARE exceptions.
Why this is important to know: Often times caregivers may suggest a drug called Pitocin (more about that later) to regulate contractions, but do your research, sometimes irregular contractions ARE making a difference and moving labor along.

Anecdotal evidence: I have had three deliveries, two in the hospital augmented by Pitocin, one at home without any intervention. In all three labors my contractions were irregular, even after Pitocin was maxed out in the first two pregnancies, despite being told it would regulate them and was necessary to “pick things up”, it only did the later, they still stayed irregular. And guess what, I still managed to give birth all three times!

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If you are told Pitocin won’t make your contractions any more intense, or more difficult to get through… they lie! Pitocin is a synthetic form of oxytocin, the hormone your body naturally creates to stimulate contractions. The decision to use Pitocin is not one to take lightly. I am not saying it is evil, or does not have a place in obstetrics, but it can have some serious consequences.
Why this is important to know: Some of the risks of Pitocin are:
* fetal distress
* more likely to request pain medication like an epidural
* cesarean section
* uterine rupture
Not only does Pitocin cause contractions to be harder to manage, they can also start a domino effect of interventions leading to a cesarean section, or cause unnecessary stress on the mom and baby.

Anecdotal evidence: Watch any birth show on TV and you will see story after story where Pitocin is introduced. Baby’s heart rate starts dropping and mom is rushed off to the O.R., or, the mom is given Pitocin, the pain is too much for mom to handle and she gets an Epidural and then has complications from the Epidural.

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Myth: An Epidural is the only way to make labor comfortable. Epidural anesthesia is the most common method of pain relief in labor. However, sometimes there are serious (and some not so serious) side effects. The most serious being maternal or fetal death, but the more common complaints by women are the inability to move freely, being tied to the monitors, not being allowed to get up to use the restroom, itching, a drop in blood pressure, headaches, nausea and vomiting, shivering or shaking, backache, uneven/incomplete/nonexistent pain relief, feelings of regret. Epidurals can also cause the baby to have changes to their heart tones, cause a poor sucking reflux and lethargy, and leads to a higher rate of cesarean sections.
Why this is important to know: Epidurals have become so routine in hospitals now days, that some women do not know there are alternatives for pain relief, or that they may have regrets later. Several childbirth classes, such as Hypnobabies, Hypnobirthing, Bradley, etc, have very high success rates in helping a mom cope with normal, un-augmented labor. Other methods may be walking, changing position, rocking in a rocking chair, bouncing on a birthing ball, massage, hip compresses, laboring in a hot bath tub or shower, visualization, reassurance, etc.

Anecdotal evidence: I mentioned I had two Epidural deliveries, and one without an Epidural. Between Hypnobabies, a birth pool, my Doula and support, my natural labor was FAR more enjoyable than my medicated deliveries, without any side effects.
Also, did you know that Epidurals can interfere with bonding? In labor, our body produces beta-endorphins to help us cope with the sensations of birth and make the changes easier on our bodies. These beta endorphins cause an amazing surge of euphoria unlike anything I can explain. The feeling is amazing and creates a bonding experience like no other. Not only was my daughter more alert after my natural birth, but afterward *I* was more alert and my husband and I bonded so well with our newest family member.

Stay tuned for Part Two.

No Comments | In: This is how I roll | tags: Family, Health, Parenting, Pregnancy. | #

I had a nice sobering wake-up call this week that has really rocked my world and shaken me to the core. I am not ready to post the entire story yet, because it is still playing out, but I would like to talk about things I have learned in my pregnancies

You are the boss! Did you know that your caregiver is your employee? They work for you, and if you feel mistreated, unappreciated, or not taken seriously, YOU have the right to fire them and find someone new!
Why this is important to know: Sometimes we forget that we have the power to be treated the way we want to be treated, and will take the abuse of someone in power because we tell ourselves they know best.

Anecdotal evidence: I fired a midwife in Sophie’s pregnancy because she was down right fear-mongering. She told me because I was not at my ideal body weight at the start of pregnancy I WOULD (not could) have gestational diabetes, high blood pressure, and likely end up with a cesarean section. The other midwife in the practice told me several times she thought I was going to miscarry because I had some minor bleeding in pregnancy and she thought my hCG (the hormone in pregnancy that increases as the baby grows and is what pregnancy tests test for) was too low (it wasn’t). After my 12 week visit, I followed my gut and I fired the practice and found a new group. With just a few weeks left, when my new midwife wanted to transfer my care to her partner (and OB I did not like), I left their practice too and found a home birth midwife. It is never too late!

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You don’t have to take any test you don’t agree with! Did you know that you have the power to waive any procedure or test? You may have to sign a waiver, but if you don’t agree with the test, decline!
Why this is important to know: There are some tests that can cause unnecessary worry or inaccurate results in pregnancy. I personally will not get a pap smear in pregnancy, even if I am due for one, because I have never had an abnormal pap and there is a higher chance of bleeding, infection, and inaccurate results in pregnancy. I will wait until I am six weeks and have no problem declining the test. I also do not do the 15 week tests that check for birth defects (triple screen, AFP, nuchal fold, etc) because I decided it would not change the outcome of the pregnancy as I would not abort over elevated/irregular results.

Anecdotal evidence: I have known more than one woman who had irregular results and the stress that it created for the woman over a test that ended up being normal in the end was harder on the woman than need be. We have all stressed over test results unnecessarily, but so the research and ask yourself “Do I believe this test has a high accuracy rate?”, “Do I agree with how this test is taken?” (ie Gestational Diabetes, not every lab has the same rules for fasting vs. non fasting, cutoffs, etc), “Would these results change my pregnancy?” (genetic tests are taken early so you can chose to abort or not, if they showed an anomaly, would you abort?) “If this test is positive, would I agree to more invasive tests for higher accuracy?”

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You don’t just have to suck it up and take it when it comes to the symptoms of pregnancy! Almost every symptom of pregnancy can be eased or relieved with supplementation, medical, or alternative therapy.
Why this is important to know: Sometimes we just deal with it because we think we have to. There are remedies for leg cramps, swelling, morning sickness, aches, headaches, etc.

Anecdotal evidence: For morning sickness things to try include eating small, frequent, high protein snacks, wearing sea bands, avoiding fried fatty foods, and wearing Sea-Bands can help ease nausea and vomiting. Heartburn can be helped with papaya enzymes, and liquid calcium/magnesium. Swelling can be eased by swimming in a pool and making sure you are getting a good balance of electrolytes. Back pain can be aided with the help of a chiropractor. Calcium/magnesium before bed can prevent charlie horses. If you talk to your caregiver, friends, family, search the internet, talk to a naturopath, you may find all sort of ways to make your pregnancy more comfortable. Some symptoms can only be eased, but some can be avoided all together!

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You are not alone! Pregnancy is tough, seek out support and friends. There are so many Due Date Clubs, forums, local playgroups, groups, etc.
Why this is important to know: Pregnancy and postpartum can feel socially isolating. When you are too tired with a newborn to shower, or too weak to take your other kids to the park because of an all day marathon of hugging the toilet, there is a lot of guilt that comes with it. Knowing you are not alone can make a world of difference!

Anecdotal evidence: When I had my first son I felt so isolated and alone. I had problems with breastfeeding and I never knew the problems I was experiencing were NOT normal because I didn’t have anyone to compare notes with. By the time I had my 6 week checkup I found we had a case of thrush that lasted FIVE MONTHS and eventually caused us to switch from breastfeeding to bottle feeding.

Stay tuned for my next post where I will discuss Mistakes in Labor.

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When the baby gets here we will need to do a transition of sorts. The seven of us will be living together in a four bedroom home and that means the baby will need to bunk up with someone when he/she is around 4-6 months old, before then, we have a co-sleeper in our room. By then we are hoping to have transitioned Sophia to a toddler bed, and then I can get the baby a lovely set of crib bedding to coordinate well enough in her room. However, I have never had a toddler sharing a room with a baby, so I am not sure if that will go over well. When we got Matthew’s bunk beds, which is kinda like a loft bed with a rolling shorter bed on wheels that can be moved, we toyed with the idea that they may eventually share the bed, with the “bottom bunk” in her room, and his loft bed in his room with a “play fort” of sorts underneath.

However, we may have to have Sophia and Matthew sharing a room for a year or so until the little one sleeps through a noisy sister in the room. I can imagine using so many different kinds of cute feminine kids beddingadorning the twin bed if she uses it, instead of transitioning to her toddler bed she inherited from Matthew. Excuse me while I hop up on this soap box, because I am about to sound like my mother.

Nothing grosses me out more than sleeping on a bed without a mattress pad. If you spend money on a mattress, get a quality mattress pad. Mattress pads are an inexpensive way to protect the bed from sweat, drool, and any other body fluids you encounter when you have kids (urine, vomit, etc). I don’t care how good you cleaned after Junior peed the bed, don’t expect that the next person is sleeping on a nasty mattress covered with only a thin layer of fabric, ewww. I will judge you if your beds lack mattress pads. And for kids, have several on hand. Matthew has three for his bunk beds, Sophia has two for her crib… both theirs are waterproof. I have one that I spent a fortune on, because it is waterproof and does not crinkle. We often have kids climbing into our bed at night, and that pad has paid for itself 20x over with how many times it has saved our bed. Austin and Christopher have one each, they were just cheapies, but they will tell you, I will get mad if I see a naked bed.

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