Mistakes in Motherhood

This move is teaching me a very valuable lesson on men and women. It seems no matter how stressed I get, or how mad, or sad, or frustrated or any other range of emotion I feel about waiting for confirmation about this move, my husband has appeared to me to be very nonchalant and calm about it. This morning I think I snapped and finally sent him this email.

Hey, I know you are trying to stay on top of this move situation, but I am seriously feeling major stress and I don’t know what else I can do. No matter where we go it is going to be very hard for me to find a place for us to live without giving away all our pets and kids and I am just not sure what else to do to avoid getting ulcers. The longer we go without an answer, the more anxiety I feel and I start crying and have panic attacks multiple times a day. Can you think of any way we can communicate to your boss that we really need to have a for sure answer? Every person I have talked to in Olympia has told us they want us to have one full month notice before moving into a house, which means the longer we go without an answer, the longer the 6 of us live in a hotel together. If we end up going to VA, it will probably take even longer to find a place, and we may end up having to board the pets at anywhere from $12-30 per pet, per day.

Heather

About 30 minutes later he called me, and got me to laugh and smile. He told me he had tried calling his boss several times and left him a voice message. When I freaked out on him and told him I wanted him to fly home so I could choke him for not being emotional like I was (this statement was made very light-hearted, and we both knew it). He told me he knew this was hard on me, and he was allowing me to cry and complain and freak out because he knew I needed to. He knew one of us needed to be strong, so he decided to take on that role. So when I freaking out that he was not freaking out, he was being strong because he knew one of us needed to be or we would both be puddles of goo over this.

This made me realize, that when I felt I was carrying this load alone, not only was he helping me carry it, but in addition he was carrying ME! It is times like this that I really appreciate my husband, even if he does things differently than I do, and does not carry his emotions on his sleeves, it does not mean that he does not have emotions, he just expresses them differently than I do. I am glad he allowed me to step back and see things at face value, so I was not sitting here brooding and stressing, feeling like I was slaying the dragon all by myself.

2 Comments | In: This is how I roll | tags: Bobby, Marriage, Me, Moving, Ranting. | #

My stomach is a bundle of nerves, I feel like I could puke at any minute. I really do think stress is getting the best of me.

We thought today would be the day we knew where we were going, but that information didn’t come. We have roughly 3 1/2 weeks now until he is supposed to be home and we are supposed to be moving. I feel like I am wasting the last few weeks I have in Colorado, instead of preparing to move. I feel like I am being wasteful of my husband’s homecoming, because I will still have so much to do.

I did get his car battery replaced though, but not after paying $46 to cover the test at the dealership. Thankfully it was less than the $90 I expected. I ended up not asking the auto part store for the money to cover the bill, it just didn’t seem worth the fight, I am already dealing with enough. It was just so nice to have a car that starts without having to jump it that I just decided to let it go.

7 Comments | In: A lot about nothing | tags: Auto Stuff, Moving, Ranting. | #

…if you just did what you said you would!!

I mentioned the car problems we are having earlier with the battery/alternator issues. I had been told on the phone by the people who sold me the battery 6 months ago that they would keep my battery overnight, charge it and test it, sending me away with a loaner battery. I get there and they give me a different story, that my alternator is bad, battery is fine, just dead from a bad alternator. I asked for a loaner and they said no because they said my alternator would just kill it, and I need to just get a new alternator. They jump me and send me on my way.

Today I take it to my dealership to get a new alternator. They have be sign the consent form for the $90 test and drive me home. Today I get a message on my machine that they tested the car, the alternator is fine, but the battery won’t take a charge because it is a dud…. and now I am LIVID! If the place I bought my battery from had just done what they said and given me a loaner and tested mine, then I would have a new battery, and not had to spend $90 for nothing! Tomorrow I have to go demand a new battery and hope that they don’t treat me like I am an idiot again. I really feel like the battery place should pay me $90 for the test, but I have a feeling there will be icicles in hell before that happens.

1 Comment | In: A lot about nothing | tags: Auto Stuff, Insanity, Ranting. | #

I did not want to have to do this, but kids, it is time for a lesson on parking etiquette. I guess I just assumed everyone knew how to park a car except the NFH, but the last 17 days of the house next to me being for rent has taught me that I guess I am wrong.

I guess it is a good thing, and I should be happy people are looking at the house next door, especially since the only ad I can find for this property is one tiny listing buried on Craig’s List.

So boys and girls, get out your notebook and be prepared for a test at the end of my lesson.

My city has laws that say that your vehicle cannot be within four feet of the entrance to someone’s driveway, otherwise they can be ticketed, or towed; however us living on top of each other in the land of track homes, they have an unwritten rule that in our area they just can’t block them, and you know what? I am fine with that. I also take no issue with people parking in front of my house, I don’t claim the public street. What I DO take issue with is when people block my driveway, especially when I am trying to leave my house. It gets a bit old tracking down people to get them to move their cars and my deductible is too high to just say “oops! My car must have slipped out of gear, gone down my driveway, and smashed into your car…. too bad you were parked there”, although I can’t say I have not been tempted.

We keep one car in the driveway, and my minivan and a piece of shi… err, classic car, in the garage. Yet I don’t know how many times I have come outside to see someone’s car blocking the entire tail end of his car, which I drive about once a week to keep the battery charged and the fluid moving through it. It is a 2003 Honda Civic with perfect paint and a straight body, so it is not like it looks abandon or anything. There is also only about 2-3 feet between my driveway, and the neighbors, so unless you drive a motorcycle, you are going to block someone’s driveway… one might think the smart thing to do would to be to block the *empty* house you are coming to look at, and not the car occupied one.

The empty house, also has an equally empty two car driveway, and an empty spot spanning the entire front of the house. On top of that, directly across the street is a house facing east to another street leaving the side of it completely unobstructed by driveways and can easily fit 3 or 4 cars. Common sense would say you could park in one of about 9 different spaces and be close to the rental you are looking at, and not piss off anyone.

So today I realize the storage unit I rented last month for pre-packing is due today, but rather than be able to pay on the phone, or online, I have to go in person to waive the insurance on the storage unit since my homeowners policy covers off-site storage. When I open the garage door, there is a car parked with the bumper of the car right up the edge to the left of my driveway standing next to a truck parked halfway into the middle of my driveway. She is chatting on a cell phone and the driver is sitting in the drivers seat. I buckle up the baby and then walk down to where they are and I say “Excuse me, but do you mind pulling forward so you are not blocking my driveway?” I was nice, and polite and did not have one ounce of attitude and can you believe she SCOWLED and glared at me and mumbled something bitchy to her husband! I wanted to kick her in the neck and tell her that she is too low-rent to be able to afford a house to live in and go back to living in her single-wide, but I was nice and just walked away. When I got back they were both gone, and I can just hope they don’t come back. I can understand why my neighbor has a sign in front of his carport telling people not to block his driveway.

Question 1:
It is okay to block a car in their driveway if they have enough room to back out if they pull the wheel all the way to one side, even if they have to pull forward a few times, or drive on their lawn, to get far enough to get around you.
A) True
B) False
C) Heck no, are you effing stupid??

Question 2:
Are you special and think you have privileges to be a jerk to anyone you please, and they can just deal with it?
A) Yes
B) No
C) We all deserve to be treated with respect

Question 3:
If you are visiting someone or looking at a home to occupy, or you do occupy it, where should you park?
A) Anywhere I feel like, I am allergic to exercise and should not have to cross a street.
B) In front of their home.
C) Anywhere that is free, legal, and not inconveniencing others.

Scoring:
Please use the point system below to add up your answers.
A) -2
B) 0
C) 2

If you scored a 0-6:
Congratulations, you have common sense! You may now officially co-exist with other humans, and know basic parking etiquette. Pat yourself on the back, your IQ is greater than your shoe size.

If you scored -2 or below:
Time to go back to kindergarten so you can learn basic principals like sharing this big giant planet with others. Until you learn some manners, feel free to stick a plastic bag over your head so you are not wasting oxygen that could be used by others. If you don’t like sharing this planet with others, you are free to leave it at any time.

I hope you had a good lesson and that you learned something boys and girls. If any part of this class did not make sense to you, I will be available for private tutoring after class. If you failed this lesson, and refuse to repeat this lesson, there will be plastic bags at the end of the hall and a shuttle bus in the parking lot to take you to Mars where you will be much happier.

1 Comment | In: This is how I roll | tags: Humor, Insanity, Lame-o, Me, Ranting, Silliness, Tirade. | #

Today I left this message on my mom’s voice mail. “Hi mom, its me. I just wanted to let you know to keep an eye out for two of your grandsons. I have a feeling they may be running away from home today and will probably be hitchhiking up to live with you. They have no clean clothes though, so sorry. They will be traveling light, I took all their belongings from the room they told me to clean since they lied. Let me know when they get there.”

The back story to this message is simple: I told the two oldest boys, who share a room, that in 3 days the Realtor was coming and I needed them to clean their room to the level of spotless. They cleaned for a while and then told me it was done. So I told 2nd oldest to vacuum, after about 20 minutes I yelled at him to start the vacuum already and he told me that he was cleaning his room so he could vacuum because they messed it up a bit since they finished cleaning. Odd. Ok, whatever. You told me it was clean, twice… I’ll hold you to it.

So this morning I head down to the crawlspace in their room to find a box to put cookies in to mail to my hubby and I exploded. Thankfully they were at school when this happened, and the baby slept through it… So I decided to clean it myself to teach them what “clean” looks like. Just a quick product review. Kirkland brand lawn bags are AMAZING. They are Costco’s generic brand of Hefty bags and they hold well. I grabbed one of those brooms that you see on TV, the “amazing” ones that are a wedge on one side and bristles on the other, four trash bags, and set to work bagging up everything on the floor except big boxes, and laundry. An hour later… I was almost done, but had to leave for a doctor’s appointment, so I loaded up all the laundry into the back of my van and 3 of the 8 laundry bags and head to my appointment.

Afterward, I ran over to my brand new storage unit and unloaded a total of ELEVEN loads of laundry, 3 bags of toys, garbage & books, a huge basket of books, and 3 tote boxes of toys. I headed back home and put the baby in her highchair for lunch and loaded up the rest of the toys (5 bags) 2 globes, 2 boxes of breakables and then proceeded to spread baking soda all over their room while I vacuumed under dressers, windowsills, cobwebs, and under the bed. My poor Dyson vacuum had to go over their carpet TWICE just to get it clean. Mind you, this is the room that they vacuumed just yesterday. I woke up the baby who had fallen asleep in the highchair while I was working and then took another trip to the storage unit. The oldest boy called to tell me he was sick, so I picked him up and banished him to bed. He explained that while waiting for me, he ate his lunch and started feeling better. I *should* have loaded his butt back into the van and taken him back, but I figured laying in an empty room was punishment enough and would be less fun then playing sick and getting attention at school.

In 10 minutes I have to leave to go get the 2nd oldest from school, he is going to FLIP OUT when he sees his room. I predict whining and tears from him. I will explain that I simply took care of all their trash that they left on the floor and maybe they will be able to keep their room clean if it is empty. If they keep their room clean, they will earn one container back at a time. Too bad they have so much dirty laundry, since that is what they will be earning back first… one basket at a time.

3 Comments | In: This is how I roll | tags: Austin, Christopher, Confessions, Domestic Diva, Family, Insanity, Lame-o, Parenting, Ranting, Tirade. | #

Tuesday night, around midnight, I head a loud ruckus of heavy items being drug across the sidewalk, people talking loudly, and similar noises. I looked out the window and the NFH’s were parking at the end of my driveway, loading tons of people and stuff into a SUV. I rolled my eyes and headed to bed. The next day….. nothing. I see the person in the NFH household take the two trashcans to the curb, and about a dozen bags… but they were facing the street the way the trash company requests for easy pickup. I can almost envision the waste management person grinning, as I see them out there almost every week trying to get the cans turned around and picking up all the stuff overflowing.

It was a gorgeous day outside yesterday, absolutely beautiful, so all day we worked in the yard getting it cleaned. Only once did I hear their dog barking in the back yard. It stopped almost as soon as it started as he was brought into the house. Then last night, no music, no visitors, no parties…. I was in shock!

However, stupid and inconsideration are qualities you can depend on. If the expected parties don’t offer it, you should expect someone else to, and that is just what happened.

Around 7pm I hear a dog barking, deep throaty LOUD barks. woofwoofwoofwoofwoof. The dog is not even taking breaks to breathe. woofwooofwooofwoofwoof. After 3 hours of it I am starting to slowly feel my soul dying. woofwoofwoofwoofwoof. I go out in the front yard to see if the pitbull is sticking his head out one of the bedroom windows next door and is causing all that noise. I go out front, I see nothing… no cars, no dog, nothing. But I still hear the dog; woofwoofwoofwoofwoof. I go out in the back yard, the noise is even louder. We had some people visiting my neighbors on the *other* side of my house that had two large huskies that would sometimes bark, but those neighbors would never let any of their dogs bark 3 hours. I turn on my floodlight in the back and there it is. Directly behind the NFH is the person who volunteered to pick up their slack. Locked onto the back deck, these new idiots had trapped a 150+ male Great Dane who was not too happy about being confined. woofwoofwoofwoofwoof. We are not on hour FIVE and I am wondering two things… why have they not brought the dog inside? and how is the dog not hoarse??

I figure I will just go to bed, since my bedroom is in the front of my house, no way it will bother me, right? Wrong. woofwoofwoofwoofwoof. His voice carries through three back yards all the way to the front of my house. I turn on my fan, turn my TV to a music channel and set the sleep timer. I still hear him, but it does not bother me anymore. It does however bother *my* Great Dane who is downstairs, in her crate that she sleeps in, barking back!! Her bark is her insecure, whiny bark. I yell at her the few times she does it, and she finally gets the hint.

What gives? I *finally* have all four kids healthy, no coughing child across the hall, no parties or 7-11 type traffic next door, and someone leaves their dog outside all night? Is this karma for flipping off that little old blue haired lady??

No Comments | In: This is how I roll | tags: Fur Babies/Pets, Insanity, Me, NFH (Neighbors From Hell), Ranting. | #

A couple months ago I banned a certain friend from the house. I never really cared for him, but I could not put my finger on it at first. In time I REALLY did not like him because when I would say no to almost any request, he would try to change my mind even though I never once went back on my initial decision. He was always also trying to stay the night, and when I would say he had plans, he would respond that his parents had plans and he could not stay home alone so he *had* to find a place to stay.

Well two months ago I was about to slice some mango for fruit salad, and one was missing. I blamed my own children, but the next day they said they saw this boy with a mango. Then he was bragging at school that he had gotten a mango from our house and it was the best ever. I was furious and told the boys I did not want him in my house anymore. Bobby thought I was being harsh, but I refuse to allow liars or thieves into my house. A few days later he apologized to Christopher and admitted to stealing the mango.

Then it comes out that some of the kids in the neighborhood as missing games, and this boy has stolen them and he was in a lot of trouble at home. Austin admits to me that he thought the boy had stolen his game, but had no proof. Christopher also was missing a game. Austin & Christopher went to his mom and told her that they felt he had their games and she said she did not see them.

Well a few weeks ago I see the kids looking through Matthew’s room, they told me he had Christopher’s gameboy last and they don’t know where he put it. I immediately think of the boy, but they sort of dismiss it for a few days until Austin says “you know, the last place I saw his gameboy was when Matthew had it in the bathroom, and the boy used that bathroom too.

So today the boy says at school he is going to come over and talk to me about a game he accused Christopher of stealing, a game *we* gave him that he lost. I was really hoping he would come so I could ask him to get the gameboy and games now. Instead, two neighborhood boys show up. They say they they have seen the boy with a lot of new games lately and they mention the two pokemon games the boys were missing. Then I ask if he had a DS, and they said “a silver one? With a ton of scratches??” and Austin was like *I* scratched that gameboy, on accident!!” so together they went to talk to the boy’s parents.

Well I guess the apple does not fall too far from the tree. The mom was pissed, at MY kids! She said she was going to call the police on my kids for harassment! WTF!?! Hearing this, I called the police and asked him to write down the boy’s address, as well as addresses and phone numbers of all the witnesses who saw our games and gameboy. The dad started yelling at the boy and amazingly enough, the gameboy appeared, and it was being used by none other than the mom. Another one of the kids admits they know who has the game, and he traded the boy his own games for the pokemon games. That child let Austin look at the game, and sure enough, there is the the pokemon he misnamed, “Charmandy”. That child gave back the one game and asked me if he could borrow the other game for a few weeks so he could beat it. I told the kids to make the decision, but I had to problem with it because he had been super honest in returning the game, even though he had traded it for one of his own games. They like this other kid, so they are letting him borrow it.

I decided since the games and the gameboy were returned, I would not involve the police, but my friend suggested I make an appointment with the principal since he was threatening to beat up my son, and I agree that I probably should involve the school for that reason alone. If that boy as much as sets foot in my driveway, I will have NO issue telling him to get off my property.

Tonight I took my kids out to dinner and ice cream for standing up for themselves, choosing better friends (at least 3 kids were willing to help them and were honest about the boy having their games), and for being thorough in making sure he had witnesses’ names and addresses. I was also impressed that he was still polite to the boy’s mom, even though he *knew* the boy had his stuff and she was protecting and bullying him. I am glad this family lives about 4 or 5 blocks away.

1 Comment | In: People, Places & Things, This is how I roll | tags: Austin, Christopher, Lame-o, Matthew, Parenting, Ranting, Technology. | #

I am SO insanely pissed I don’t even know where to begin.

Ok, Wednesday at 10pm I am in bed trying to sleep and the music next door is pounding so loud I am getting a major headache. I call the non-emergent police number and report it. The music stops so I call back and cancel my report. I guess they were changing a CD because 2 minutes later it is back on and I give up and stick a pillow over my head. At midnight I guess the CD was skipping or something because I wake up to BOOM-BOOM-BOOOM-BOOM-BOOM. It sounds like rockets going off next door. They finally turn it down and I get what little sleep I have left until kids are needing to go to school in the morning.

Thursday I pull up into my driveway with my kids to unload them out of the car to be greeted by a cloud of cigar smoke. Austin is gagging and hacking while at least 7 or 8 guys stand about 10 feet away all puffing on cigars. I get the kids in the house as quick as I can. I forgot to mention I had to pull in at an angle to make sure I did not hit either of the cars that are literally right at the edge of my driveway.

Last night the music starts up again. It is SO freaking loud I literally CANNOT hear my TV or a word my children were saying in the same room. I have two glass cups on a shelf on the wall that I had to pull down because they were vibrating so loud I was afraid they were going to break. I could see the pictures on my wall moving and I was just waiting for them to fall down. Two hours into it I call the non-emergent number. They tell me someone else has already called and that they will be there as soon as they can. It takes me forever to get the two little ones to sleep. My four year old tells me “Mommy, my room is so loud I cannot even hear my dreams!” I had to shut off Sophie’s jumparoo because it kept going off on its own thinking there was a baby jumping in it.

At 11:30 I decide I will just put a pillow over my head, I am so exhausted I feel like I am going to pass out. I hear a ton of commotion even louder than the music outside. There are two people revving their cars up outside and a group of about 11 children and adults talking super loud at each other. Someone else in a car is honking their horn. I call back and update that they have now become even MORE obnoxious.

At 11:57 the music finally stops and I take the pillow off my head. Ten minutes later my room fills with light as the police pull up in response to my complains and the other neighbor’s call.

So today at noon my doorbell rings and someone I don’t know is outside. I step out and she explains to me that she is either a friend or a relative of the woman next door. She explained that her 18 yr old son died of a heart attack and that is why there were so many cars. She stated the police had told her that “the lady next door called to complain of the noise and traffic”. I told her to let the neighbor know I am sorry for her loss and that I have kids that cannot afford to lose a night’s sleep because the bass is louder than their own thoughts. She tells me she cannot attest to the noise because she was not even THERE!!! I explain again that this is an ongoing thing and most of the neighbors either have small babies or are retired and we are all tired of 2-3 parties a week since OCTOBER.

Here is where I am pissed. When I called I stated I would like to remain anonymous. *IF* the officers really did say “the lady next door” that is hardly anonymous. It is quite possible that the person at my door this morning made up that the police identified who I was. I was not going to lie and say it was me, but I was not the only call last night either.

This is getting so old. I HATE living next door to party central.

4 Comments | In: A lot about nothing | tags: NFH (Neighbors From Hell), Ranting, Sleep Deprivation. | #

I flipped off some little old blue haired lady when her husband almost side swiped me on the way to the ped’s office. I don’t even think he heard me leaning on my horn, he did not even seem to notice that he almost hit me. If I had not slammed on my breaks he would have hit me and Matthew’s side of the van.

I hope god forgives those who flip others the bird when they deserve it.

1 Comment | In: This is how I roll | tags: Auto Stuff, Me, Ranting, Tirade. | #

There are days when I struggle with motherhood. I mean REALLY struggle. Just today I was telling my husband how frustrated I am in my kids’ lack of responsibility with the animals. We have a horrible mean pitbull living next door ripping holes in my fence and it is just a matter of time before it gets through and kills or harms one of my dogs. So the rule is the dogs can be out for 2 minutes max until I can get the landscaping company to come out and replace my fence. So this morning I hear the dogs barking while I am nursing the baby. Ten minutes pass, still barking, 15 minutes. I finally hit the conference button on the phone and broadcast that the dogs are STILL outside.

Also, the cats. Christopher’s job is to feed the cats and clean the litter boxes daily. Yet if I don’t nag, it does not get done and then they seek out my towels. So now every time I think I have a “clean” towel, I discover it smells like cat urine. Nice. Also, when I am trying to feed Sophia, I have three cats underfoot circling around my ankles because their food bowl is empty.

Bobby called today and I vented, I vented good. I told him how frustrated I was at their total lack of responsibility, how Austin pulled out a progress report while we were walking out the door and asked me to sign it because it was due today and I refused because we would have been late if I had to stop everything and look it over before I sign it. I am just plain sick of it.

So I told my husband how I was half tempted to load up the three cats and two dogs in the van and take them to a kennel for the weekend and board them. How tempted I am to tell the kids that I got rid of the animals because I found them families that would take better care of them. How tempted I am to tell them that if they did not love the animals enough to feed them, water them, and provide them with a clean place to poop and pee that they will go elsewhere.

BUT that would be mean. I am not about to punish my pets, or my four year old because of something my teen & tween did. I am a mean mom, but at the same time I don’t want to teach them that lying and trickery is OK. I struggle with where the line in the sand is sometimes. I struggle daily with trying to be effective without being too mean or too nice. I struggle with making the punishment fit the crime. I struggle with too many chores vs. too little chores. I have very good kids, and I believe I have good kids because my husband and I have always worked together and tried to be consistent, we have always given them responsibility, and we have never spoiled them with toys or candy because they held their breath or stomped their feet at the store.

I think with our family spread out like it is right now we are all feeling the stress and I feel less effective because I don’t have my partner here to back me up. I think he feels helpless because he wants to help and he wants to put his foot up their butts, but from that many thousands of miles away, what can you say? “Just wait, in four months, you are going to be sorry!”? And I think the kids are struggling too, they miss their dad and it is hard to stay motivated when you are sad, I get that. I just wish they would see how overwhelmed I am carrying their load on top of my own. I need to heal this fracture, or I will crumble under the weight of it all.

I don’t think this weekend is going to be a fun one, I can tell you that! Hmmmm, I wonder if I can figure out how to set up the parental controls on the TV??

2 Comments | In: This is how I roll | tags: Add new tag, Austin, Bobby, Christopher, Confessions, Domestic Diva, Family, Fur Babies/Pets, Insanity, Lame-o, Matthew, Me, Parenting, Ranting, Sadness, Tirade. | #