Mistakes in Motherhood

Earlier this week I had a busy busy day. My new bed was delivered (which I LOVE) and the carpet my daughter ruined 6 months ago was replaced with vinyl. Sophie was SO up the rear end of the repairman it was hilarious. Any time the door opened she would chine “IT’S CHRIS!” and he would mirror back to her “yes, it is Chris!” and she would run check in on him every 2-3 minutes. I was in the other room with Liam and I hear Sophie talking to Chris. She’s got that know-it-all tone going on and I just know her hand is on her hip. She says “That is my mommy. I like her. She’s nice. She’s my girl.” At this point both Chris and I are cracking up. She is such a sweet little pixie. I like her. She’s my girl.

No Comments | In: People, Places & Things | tags: Family, House Stuff, Parenting, Silliness, Sophia. | #

This weekend, I had a fabulous time in Portland with the kiddos. We went for a fabulous baby shower, and got to take in the sights while I was there. The one downside, is I could not bring my new lover. His name is Keurig, and he brings a fire to my belly and a glow to my soul. If you have never met Keurig, mi amour, here is a picture:

Seriously. BEST mother’s day gift EVER. I tease my husband he got me addicted to coffee to get me to quit harping on him for his cigar addiction. Well dangit, it worked.

While in Portland, I missed my new lover so much. I walked by many Starbucks and City Coffees, which were just teases because it wasn’t even 7pm and they were CLOSED! I could make a cup or two in my room, but the taste was not as good as my Tully’s or Wolfgang Puck flavors. In a sample pack I got some Chef’s Reserve Colombian Decaf and I was thinking “decaf?! Why in the hell would I want THAT?!?” Well, around 10pm I was jonsing for a good cup o joe, I had some convenience store brew on the way home that was just not that lovely, and then got busy with unpacking, kids, and laundry, so when that craving hit I almost cried when I saw how late it was until I spun my little k-cup carousel and saw my petite little k-cup-o-decaf. *swoon*

Not only is it heaven in my mouth, but it shouldn’t prevent me from melting into my bed. Ohhhh how I missed my bed. The hotel beds were fantastic, but how wonderful can they be when the baby is co-sleeping and figured he can have around the clock access to the breast he normally does not demand 3 feet away from me in his crib and a 3 year old kicking me.

However, the apple who tried to fill my craving for a doughnut…. while I do give it an A for effort for trying, gets an F for completion.

4 Comments | In: A lot about nothing | tags: Domestic Diva, Silliness, Vacations. | #

Nothing says “I have too many leftovers, no imagination, and a chunk of ground beef” like meatloaf. What other meal allows you to simultaneously clean out your fridge, hide produce, and feel good about giving your kids a hot meal with just some easy prep and patience. I found that after just a few times, I no longer needed a cook book, or as just meat. I do have a couple shortcuts to share though:

1. Use a good food processor. I like the Euro-Pro Ninja Master Prep Blender and Food Processor, it makes me feel like a real ninja with all the rogue veggies I can puree and hide into what the kids think is a pure hunk of meat.
   The problem with the Ninja though, is it attracts my 6 year old like a moth to a flame, or as I say a cat to an electric can opener. With an audience, you have to be even more of a ninja to toss in the green beans from last night, a couple raw carrots, an onion, a tomato, or whatever you have on hand that is raw or requires a good blending. You may have to threaten your kids with certain death, amputation of fingers, or starvation if they are picky and you don’t want them to see how you make your ‘secret sauce’.
2. Once you have your paste resembling a bowl of baby crap, scrape it into the Kitchenaid mixing bowl. You can also toss in more leftovers, some examples include: rice from when you had Chinese takeout, whatever that was in the Tupperware container that vaguely smells like potatoes, actual mashed potatoes, etc. Get creative here, this is where your leftovers get eaten up and not composted.
3. Toss in a couple eggs, and now raid your condiments. You can add ketchup, or BBQ sauce, mustard if you like, worshesher-whatever sauce, etc. Throw in some random spices that smell good, some milk, and a dry ingredient like crackers, bread crumbs, or oatmeal. Mix all these in your stand mixer, and let it sit for a couple minutes to turn into a gross looking, gelatinous mess.
   I read somewhere that the key factors to the perfect fluffy meatloaf are to let the dry ingredients sit and get soggy. Also, to not molest the meat… err, in other words, you don’t over-mix the ground beef, so pre-mixing the other ingredients well is really important.
4. This is where my love affair with my Kitchenaid mixer was born. Use the dough hook that comes with it, add your meat and then mix. No longer do I have to relish in the joy of cold, raw, ground meat between my fingers, the booger-eating cousin to the much cooler sand between my toes, illegitimate son of the promiscuous between my legs and the ever brilliant between my ears.
   But I digress. Once your meat and mush have gently been mixed together, plop the whole thing into a baking dish on 350 and cook for an hour. You now have time to watch a show on the DVR, play a Facebook game, or kick the kids outside and hide in the bathroom with a book.
5. When you hour of bliss is over, slather more condiments over the top, bake another 5 minutes, then serve. You can serve with a vegetable, or a starch or both. If I include enough veggies, I will let my kids believe they are getting off veggie-free and just serve with potato wedges or something. My boys are pretty good about eating their meatloaf, but my daughter isn’t as wonderful. Then again, for the child who hates vegetables, she would pick a salad and plain white rice for dinner over meatloaf any day of the week.

Tonight the princess thought she would be slick. After all the kids had eaten, including the baby who happily nursed while I dislocated my shoulder to eat cold meatloaf, the ones who ate got fresh chocolate chip cookies. The princess decided she could skip her meal and go right to the cookie. When that didn’t work, and screaming didn’t make me give in, she resorted to climbing onto the counter, grabbing the Tupperware and running as fast as her stubby little legs would take her. She ended up going to bed without finishing her meatloaf, or a cookie, but she did end up going to bed with tons of tears. I think tonight mommy is going to drink a nice glass of wine for dessert, because mommy drinks when you cry.

*This is not a sponsored post, but Kitchenaid or Euro-Pro is welcome to send me a free gift for this post if they would like. I really want the mixing blade with the rubber spatula built in for my mixer or extra bowls for my ninja. *wink wink*

No Comments | In: A lot about nothing, This is how I roll | tags: A lot about nothing, Confessions, Domestic Diva, Family, Humor, Me, Silliness. | #

Matthew cracks me up, he is always saying something that makes me laugh, or just wonder where he comes up with this stuff. Sometimes he will make up fantastic stories, and is just so sincere about them you almost believe them. I have asked a few times if I need to call his teacher to find out if an event he told me really happened, to which he will quickly reply “I tricked you!”

Tonight he came out of his bedroom holding his toy turtle, who had his legs in handcuffs. One side held his front legs, the other shackle held his two back legs together. He says to me “my turtle was arrested. He shot his pet. He’s being charged with hunting without a license“. Where does he learn this stuff??

This weekend, my fried, who was staying with the kids, texted me that she had three little Matthewisms, as I call them, for me. One was when she was reading him the back of the Lego Batman video game case to him, including the rating, he said “I LOVE cartoon violence”. He later told her “You have an awsomer house than us. We only have one ghosts, and you have lots of ‘em”. Later that same day, he explained to her that Toasted Oats (generic Cheerios) are healthier than Cheerios, because they have more fiber. Much like how he tried to explain to me that the cheese on the nachos I was making was the healthiest part, and when I told him it wasn’t he said “I meant the beans, the BEANS are the healthiest part”. He did the same with his snack I picked him up for school. His week to bring snack is “Vv” week, so for fun I got Vegetable Thins. The little goober grabs the box, looking at the pictures of vegetables and says “I am reading the label, yup, these look healthy and delicious.” Then he pauses and says “What?!? No broccoli? But broccoli is the healthiest!! We need to take these back and get some that say ‘Now, with broccoli!’ because I would like those the best.”

I could go on and on, like when he cried because his brother said he may need braces when he is 13 (he was 5 at the time) and cried because he would need braces soon, 8 years was just not that long at all. Or when the last tooth he was lost started wiggling and he cried because he didn’t want to lose that tooth, it was his favorite tooth, and he tastes with that particular tooth. These are not the first two times we have had Matthewisms related to teeth, case and point see: “The butterfly will bite me!” and “Here fishy, fishy”

1 Comment | In: People, Places & Things | tags: Humor, Matthew, Silliness. | #

At 5 am this morning, Bobby and I said our goodbyes, but instead of goodbye, I told him “see you soon”. It didn’t hit me until I was 20 miles away, and I started thinking about how much it hurt to be away from 1/6th of my heart…. and if I am missing him this much, he must really be hurting, because he’s away from all of us. He called from Dulles twice today before his Dubai flight to see how I was coping with 5 kids and 4 hours of sleep. He was making sure I wasn’t burning out already, but I am more worried about him, than me, I have distractions. I have a baby to care for around the clock. I have doctors appointments, teacher conferences, homework to help with, meals to cook, a house to take care of. I don’t have time to burn out.

Quickies:

Liam is 2 months old today, he had a well baby exam and was 13 lbs. 3 oz shy of a 6 pound weight gain. Over 6 pounds if you count his lowest weight, he’s also gained 3 inches. Pretty awesome if you figure he’s gained 3 inches in 2 months and the average is 2 inches. The average weight gain is 5-7oz a week and he averages 11.6 a week.

Dude– I’m never getting another Dell. Christopher’s charger for his Alienware broke. 4 months of light use, we are talking probably 20 times of unplugging/plugging. It is a BAD design, think of a thin copper wire, like maybe the size of a .7mm pencil lead, housed inside a plug as big around as a pencil with the eraser pulled out. I was told that they would not honor my warranty because if it broke, it was “abuse”. BS! Got an aftermarket charger on eBay, no way is Dell getting $80 from me for a new cord.

Dyson, ROCKS. I love them! Their customer service is top notch. I called to order a new cover for brush, a thin piece melted or broke off. They are sending an entire brush mount, a $110 retail part, for free, on a 1 1/2 yr old vacuum. No questions asked. So now my raves for customer service are Apple, Comcast, Dyson, Verizon, Automated Petcare Products (Litter Robot), and of course USAA.

Austin was holding Liam last week and said “I LOVE it when his face turns colors, it is so red”. I said “yes honey, that is because he’s pooping”. His eyes got big, his face got red and he said “oh god no!!” and passes him back to me. Funny boy!

Sophia is totally potty trained, and we ventured out into public today without any accidents. Still no poop success, and we have not braved overnight yet.

Matthew got this ‘stache from a birthday party yesterday, I had to tell him to take it off to go to bed, he wanted to keep it on. I told him he looks like a young Burt Reynolds, but he didn’t get the reference, so I called him Baby Earl from the TV showMy Name is Earl. All day I was saying “my name is Matt”.

Christopher has been an absolute joy this week. He’s finally been allowed to get a Facebook page and has been absolutely superb at getting his chores done without being told.

I started writing this post 7 hours ago. I kept getting interrupted.

No Comments | In: This is how I roll | tags: Austin, Bobby, Christopher, Domestic Diva, Family, Matthew, Me, Milestones, Parenting, Photography, Silliness, Sophia, Updates. | #

Sophia and I have a lot in common when it comes to fashion. We both LOVE clothes. I love shoes, purses, dresses, jeans. LOVE. Unfortunately, being a stay at home mom, I don’t have the excuse to tickle my inner runway model. I am more of a jeans and tshirt kind of gal most of the time. In an alternate universe, I imagine myself in shape (round is a shape, but not the one I prefer) and in a gorgeous pair of Stuart Weitzman thigh high boots, a pencil skirt, a silk blouse, a short jacket and a small leather clutch. No spit-up on my shoulder. Not a single hair out of place.

My husband, or dare I say boyfriend, would look equally stunning in a dark gray suit, and a long wool Michael Kors dress coat. He would have come straight from work and we would meet for cocktails and talk about our day before our 8pm dinner reservation.

It would be cold by the time we leave the restaurant, but I would stay warm in my Cole Haan wool-cashmere swing coat. We would take a cab home, not a minivan, and we would live in a stylish apartment in a high rise, without furniture marred by bored preschooler with a fork. My cupboard doors would never know the joy of being broken by a preschooler swinging on them. TV could be enjoyed in peace, without interruption, and free of tiny fingerprints. I would no know that milk turns into a substance stronger than glue when spilled without being seen, and orajel will strip the stain right off of a nightstand, almost instantly. Vacations can be taken without reserving two hotel rooms. Income would be disposable. Sleep would not be interrupted by a hungry baby or a puking child.

The more I think about it, the more I realize how lucky I am to spend all day in sweatpants, baby in arms, heart full of love. I will drive my minivan with pride, every seat filled by a butt. I will drink my coffee out of necessity, not pleasure. I will trade in my free time of reading books and hot baths for changing diapers and helping with homework. I will trade in my leather pumps for bare feet, or big name brands like Skechers and Converse. I will shop at the Goodwill, Target, and Costco. But I will never give up my day dreams of my alternate universe self, skinny, enjoying a latte while walking to her job in some fancy high rise in New York City. Dressed to kill.

No Comments | In: This is how I roll | tags: Me, Silliness, Sponsored. | #

I have the oddest children ever. Not only do my youngins like vegetables… but these crazy kids love… the dentist! Seriously. You can stop laughing now, or doubting me, or saying “yeah, right” to yourselves. They seriously do.

The little two started seeing a new dentist this week. Our old insurance didn’t cover any pediatric dentists in the area, so we were all going to a general practice dentist. With the new year, we got a new insurance carrier, and with that a new pediatric dentist. Normally, the dentist, who is also a orthodontist, will only see new patients before they are teenagers, but because my 13 year old needs braces, and because my little two are being seen there, the dentist decided to see Christopher to go over a treatment plan for braces. Christopher could not be happier or more excited to get braces. Obviously he’s not the one paying for them. LOL I wonder if it is a right of passage for middle-schoolers to have metal glued onto their teeth?

Sophia seems to have found her life’s calling. She had so much fun flitting around the open bay of the dentist’s office harassing all the hygienists. She made sure everyone was graced with her presence and tried out every single chair she could find. She tested the air hoses, adjusted the exam lights, and inspected Dr. Andy’s work. They even gave her a small oral mirror so she could do oral exams on her brothers.

As you can see, Matthew’s fangs were in perfect condition this visit.

The only problem is, Sophia has been in the office twice, yet she still has not had a turn at seeing the dentist! Her appointment isn’t until next week. She could not be more excited. I completely understand where she gets it from, it was two years ago, when Matthew was just a little older, that he cried because he was disappointed we had gone to the aquarium instead of the dentist. I can completely understand who she gets her excitement about the dentist from…. but what planet do they come from?

No Comments | In: People, Places & Things | tags: Christopher, Health, Matthew, Silliness, Sophia. | #

Hand me my scarlet letter now, I am cheating on my beloved. I would like to be polyamorous, I love them both, but since my first love found about my new love, she’s been pushing me away. I think we have changed, and grown apart a bit…. but what I hate to admit, is that my first love actually pushed me into the arms of my new love. I don’t think I could give either up, but I would gladly cut back on my new love if my first love would take me back.

Oh sleep, why do you reject me so? I miss you. I want to fly back into your arms and feel your warm embrace. Coffee is just a fling, a mistress, she doesn’t make me feel as good as you do. She’s only meeting a need you have been denying me lately. Please take me back. I will try to be faithful. You are my one true love.

No Comments | In: This is how I roll | tags: A lot about nothing, Humor, Me, Silliness, Sleep Deprivation. | #

Where does the time go?? It was four weeks ago today that I was in labor with my sweet baby baby boy thinking he was going to be born on his due date. Ha! He fooled me!

Even though he won’t be four weeks old until tomorrow, I wanted to go ahead and update while I had a moment… easier said than done when you have five kids (only the little three are home right now, and the littlest one is napping).

He’s a pretty mellow little guy, but he is also pretty needy, especially at night. He will sleep a couple hours at a time as long as he is in my arms. I am getting more accustom to sleeping with him in my arms, which is something I just do not enjoy.

[Interruption #1, Sophia climbed up on her dresser and dumped all the water from her wipe warmer all over her dresser and floor trying to plug it in. It was unplugged because it is broken.]

His brothers and sister adore him, but his sister is not too sure she likes sharing her spotlight. I know she loves him, but I also think she’s a little resentful that he’s always in arms. I am trying my hardest to make sure she gets extra attention and I am including her in his care by asking her to be my helper.

[Interruption #2, 3 & 4. Sophie is trying to dress herself and is bringing me clothes, shoes, and a diaper. Then she broke the latch off her dress-up chest and wanted me to come fix it.]

Matthew is constantly asking to hold Liam, and usually his timing is bad. I will have just latched him onto the breast and Matt appears out of nowhere and says “Can I hold Liam?”

[Interruption #5, 6, 7, Sophia found a shirt she liked and asked me to button it up, asked me to put a diaper on her that was wet from the wipe warmer water, and when I sent her away for a dry one she brought a pocket that didn't have an insert]

Christopher really does not ask or attempt to hold him anymore.

[Interruption #8, had to empty the potty chair]

Austin loves holding him though and is always asking to hold him, or stealing him out of his swing. I am so impressed with him, he is going to make such a good husband and daddy someday. He does his own laundry, loves to cook, adores babies and is very thoughtful. I figure when he’s 30 I am going to auction him off to the highest bidder.

[Interruption #9, 10 & 11, emptied the potty seat again, broke up a fight between Sophie & Matt over a balloon, and got a hug from Matthew for finding a lost villain for his superhero toys.]

Sophie has to be reminded not to put her feet on Liam’s head, I am not sure WHY she insists on doing this, but it is annoying.

[Interruption #12, drama over panties. Sophie claims she has some, Matthew tells her she doesn't, shouting match ensues.]

[Interruption #13-16, Liam wakes up, on the way to get him I have to rescue Sophie from herself, she has somehow climbed in the back of her diaper storage tower and is stuck. Get the baby up, change his diaper and his clothes. Sophie throws a fit because she insists she needs a wipe. Then throws another fit because I closed my door, not her.]

Liam is a pretty content little guy, he loves to cuddle and watch your face. He’s starting to smile a bit and engage a bit more.

[Interruption #17, baby needs to nurse.]

[Interruption #18 through ??.... had to make lunch one handed for Sophie & Matt, pick up my kitchen, all while holding a fussy boy who wants to nurse again.]

#!&% it, I give up. Yup, I see exactly why the last 4 weeks have flown by.

FYI: this took me 90 minutes to write.

2 Comments | In: A lot about nothing, This is how I roll | tags: Domestic Diva, Family, Humor, Insanity, Liam, Matthew, Photography, Ramblings, Silliness, Sleep Deprivation, Sophia, Updates. | #

When the baby gets here we will need to do a transition of sorts. The seven of us will be living together in a four bedroom home and that means the baby will need to bunk up with someone when he/she is around 4-6 months old, before then, we have a co-sleeper in our room. By then we are hoping to have transitioned Sophia to a toddler bed, and then I can get the baby a lovely set of crib bedding to coordinate well enough in her room. However, I have never had a toddler sharing a room with a baby, so I am not sure if that will go over well. When we got Matthew’s bunk beds, which is kinda like a loft bed with a rolling shorter bed on wheels that can be moved, we toyed with the idea that they may eventually share the bed, with the “bottom bunk” in her room, and his loft bed in his room with a “play fort” of sorts underneath.

However, we may have to have Sophia and Matthew sharing a room for a year or so until the little one sleeps through a noisy sister in the room. I can imagine using so many different kinds of cute feminine kids beddingadorning the twin bed if she uses it, instead of transitioning to her toddler bed she inherited from Matthew. Excuse me while I hop up on this soap box, because I am about to sound like my mother.

Nothing grosses me out more than sleeping on a bed without a mattress pad. If you spend money on a mattress, get a quality mattress pad. Mattress pads are an inexpensive way to protect the bed from sweat, drool, and any other body fluids you encounter when you have kids (urine, vomit, etc). I don’t care how good you cleaned after Junior peed the bed, don’t expect that the next person is sleeping on a nasty mattress covered with only a thin layer of fabric, ewww. I will judge you if your beds lack mattress pads. And for kids, have several on hand. Matthew has three for his bunk beds, Sophia has two for her crib… both theirs are waterproof. I have one that I spent a fortune on, because it is waterproof and does not crinkle. We often have kids climbing into our bed at night, and that pad has paid for itself 20x over with how many times it has saved our bed. Austin and Christopher have one each, they were just cheapies, but they will tell you, I will get mad if I see a naked bed.

No Comments | In: This is how I roll | tags: A lot about nothing, Confessions, Domestic Diva, Family, House Stuff, Humor, Parenting, Silliness, Sponsored. | #