Mistakes in Motherhood

Wow, feels like my entire life revolves around moving. From the bids I am getting for our deck, bathroom outlet switch and cupboard door…. to the storage unit I rented today to move stuff out of the house that we won’t need until Virginia, to the most awesome news of all….. IT IS SEPTEMBER!!! Which means the neighbors from hell are MOVING!!! YAY!!! They have been slowly moving stuff out for weeks, I am sure the homeowner would love that they are parking on his lawn to haul stuff out in true NFH form. Their garage is packed full with identical electronic boxes…. I guess no one can have enough DVD players and stereo receivers… right??

Today, the contractor that came by was giving me tips on maximizing my value and he said “your biggest downfall is going to be the tricked-out-hoopty next door. People are not going to want to live next to people who look like they live in the hood”… wow, he can peg them just by their cars… niiiice.

Monday, our realtor is stopping by and I am so excited to finally get some answers to the big questions… like how much can we get out of this house for, what do I need to do to make it marketable, and should we turn the nursery/office into a nursery, or an office? LOTS of work until Monday, there will be no rest this weekend!

No Comments | In: A lot about nothing | tags: Family, Moving, NFH (Neighbors From Hell), Sleep Deprivation. | #

(This may be a TMI post for some)

I have needs I have not been able to meet lately. Tonight I was just so frustrated I took a long how shower and just let my mind wander. When I was a kid, I was so carefree and no burdened by these reckless desires and longing for time in the bedroom….

…you see, I am tired. I feel like every morning I cannot start the day without a cup of coffee or two. When did I grow up? When did I start craving such adult desires. Yet I am teased by exhaustion, and itch I cannot scratch… because I am one of those who cannot nap! I know, crazy huh? I can have all my kids at school, the baby can be taking a three hour nap and I just lay there, unsatisfied. And right now, it is 12:45am, I know I have to be up in a few hours, but I just cannot settle my mind and instead I am having a quickie in bed, with my MacBook and my blog. I know if I do not get this off my chest I will lay in bed all night and not be able to drift off to dreamland.

I was looking at some pictures today of many years back… the innocent years, when I could get up easily in the morning and spend all day running around outside. Coming home only when the street lights came on. If I was thirsty, I drank from the hose. If I was hungry, I went inside my house, or that of a friend’s and got a snack. Now, I can barely drag my 4 year old upstairs without feeling my muscles tighten in my back. I looked in the mirror today and realized it is time to dye my hair… not red, blue or pink like when I was a teen, but the same color it is now.. just to hide the gray hairs that keep appearing no matter how fast I pluck them out.

I watch my children growing up so fast and I want to yell “slow down, enjoy this, stop being in such a hurry to grow up”, but they don’t get it. I sure didn’t. I never understood the adage “Youth is wasted on the young” until I was no longer young and longed for those times back.

Maybe some day soon I will be able to lay down in bed at 9pm and close my eyes and drift right off to sleep. I will sleep soundly, for 9 or 10 hours. I won’t lay wide awake in bed thinking about everything I need to do in the morning. About an appointment next week that makes me anxious, or a promise that was broken and how much it hurt our feelings, or inconvenienced an already busy week. I will wake up easily, naturally. No need for coffee, no need to feel like I need to shake off the sleep from sleeping too long. Bright eyed and bushy tailed. No kids to carry upstairs at midnight. No babies crying at 1am. No need to wake up and investigate every little creek and groan. And if it is noon, and I have eaten my lunch and I feel sleepy, I want to be able to lay down on my mat with my favorite toy and a blankie and be able to sleep for an hour or two without disturbance.

So yes, I have adult needs. I need to get a good nights sleep. I need a great hairdresser who can do magic with grays. I need a chiropractor and a massage for my aching back. And I need a babysitter, so *I* can be the one playing outside all day long, with no cares in the world… until the street lights come on.

No Comments | In: This is how I roll | tags: Blog/Blogging, Confessions, Family, Me, Silliness, Sleep Deprivation. | #

I am SO insanely pissed I don’t even know where to begin.

Ok, Wednesday at 10pm I am in bed trying to sleep and the music next door is pounding so loud I am getting a major headache. I call the non-emergent police number and report it. The music stops so I call back and cancel my report. I guess they were changing a CD because 2 minutes later it is back on and I give up and stick a pillow over my head. At midnight I guess the CD was skipping or something because I wake up to BOOM-BOOM-BOOOM-BOOM-BOOM. It sounds like rockets going off next door. They finally turn it down and I get what little sleep I have left until kids are needing to go to school in the morning.

Thursday I pull up into my driveway with my kids to unload them out of the car to be greeted by a cloud of cigar smoke. Austin is gagging and hacking while at least 7 or 8 guys stand about 10 feet away all puffing on cigars. I get the kids in the house as quick as I can. I forgot to mention I had to pull in at an angle to make sure I did not hit either of the cars that are literally right at the edge of my driveway.

Last night the music starts up again. It is SO freaking loud I literally CANNOT hear my TV or a word my children were saying in the same room. I have two glass cups on a shelf on the wall that I had to pull down because they were vibrating so loud I was afraid they were going to break. I could see the pictures on my wall moving and I was just waiting for them to fall down. Two hours into it I call the non-emergent number. They tell me someone else has already called and that they will be there as soon as they can. It takes me forever to get the two little ones to sleep. My four year old tells me “Mommy, my room is so loud I cannot even hear my dreams!” I had to shut off Sophie’s jumparoo because it kept going off on its own thinking there was a baby jumping in it.

At 11:30 I decide I will just put a pillow over my head, I am so exhausted I feel like I am going to pass out. I hear a ton of commotion even louder than the music outside. There are two people revving their cars up outside and a group of about 11 children and adults talking super loud at each other. Someone else in a car is honking their horn. I call back and update that they have now become even MORE obnoxious.

At 11:57 the music finally stops and I take the pillow off my head. Ten minutes later my room fills with light as the police pull up in response to my complains and the other neighbor’s call.

So today at noon my doorbell rings and someone I don’t know is outside. I step out and she explains to me that she is either a friend or a relative of the woman next door. She explained that her 18 yr old son died of a heart attack and that is why there were so many cars. She stated the police had told her that “the lady next door called to complain of the noise and traffic”. I told her to let the neighbor know I am sorry for her loss and that I have kids that cannot afford to lose a night’s sleep because the bass is louder than their own thoughts. She tells me she cannot attest to the noise because she was not even THERE!!! I explain again that this is an ongoing thing and most of the neighbors either have small babies or are retired and we are all tired of 2-3 parties a week since OCTOBER.

Here is where I am pissed. When I called I stated I would like to remain anonymous. *IF* the officers really did say “the lady next door” that is hardly anonymous. It is quite possible that the person at my door this morning made up that the police identified who I was. I was not going to lie and say it was me, but I was not the only call last night either.

This is getting so old. I HATE living next door to party central.

4 Comments | In: A lot about nothing | tags: NFH (Neighbors From Hell), Ranting, Sleep Deprivation. | #

On Tuesday, my sweet baby Matthew turned FOUR! It is so hard to believe that he is already four, but on the same hand I can’t believe I have only known him four years because I just cannot imagine life without him, it seems like I have always known him. For his birthday dinner, he wanted to go to Olive Garden, which hit a sweet spot with me because that was the place I always went to for my own birthdays.

Sophie is sick with a fever and a cold. It started with a low grade fever on Tuesday and by Wednesday morning it was up to 103.5 and she had me up all night long. She is still a little warm today, but she does not seem so dependent on Motrin or Tylenol. I keep expecting to see teeth or chicken pox appearing, but so far neither one seems to be coming.

Matthew started preschool on Wednesday, so Sophie and I were able to rest while he was away. He goes 3 days a week for 6 hours a day and he LOVES it. I really struggled with the decision between a home daycare where they center around play-learning or an actual academic preschool. Both have up sides and down sides, but in the end I really liked the teacher, philosophy, price and convenience of the home based daycare near my home. He is only around two other kids who are 2 and 3 years younger than he is, but he does not seem to mind. I also like that he is exposed to less germs. I was hoping she would have another four-year-old or two, but he does not seem to mind at all.

Having only one child here for 18 hours a week clears up my schedule when Sophie naps to get much needed projects done. Part of my frustration was the clothing situation we are having. Matthew was pulling all his clothes out of his dressers to find one shirt, and when he and his brothers cleaned his room, those clean clothes ended up in the hampers and I had Mount Washmore climbing to scary heights. I felt overrun by laundry and was ready just to institute a burlap sack uniform policy. I decided the only reasonable thing to do was to move all his clothes into my room into Bobby’s dresser. However then I had to decide what to do with Bobby’s clothes. I ended up hanging up all his clothing, to include his jeans. It was actually sadder than I thought. I felt like I was “moving on”, when in reality he is just overseas, not gone.

With Matthew’s dresser now empty, I decided to use if for Sophia’s clothing and then I moved all her diapers off the top of his dresser and into her old dresser. The room looks a lot more orderly now. We will see in time how this arrangement works.

The older two kids have been busy this week with state standardized testing. Austin is done and Christopher has another week left, but I think they are both feeling pretty sick of those stupid tests.

I braved the post office this week when I mailed off a 17 lb box to Bobby, it took me 45 minutes of standing in line to get it mailed out, but I needed to take a helper and I knew that would mean going at a busy time of the day.

Today I am feeling like a drill sergeant, the kids have overrun the house with their toys and messes and enough was enough. It was time to take control of the situation and put them to work cleaning up toys, their bedrooms, and all their other little messes. I still have to go through the house and clean up all the little hot spots that they have gathered on tables and the kitchen could use a good scrub down. All the floors need attention from a vacuum or mop too.

Last night I had my first bad night since Bobby left. It was the first time I REALLY started missing him. I mean I miss him every day, but we also talk, email, and chat daily. It has been almost four days since we have talked, which is the longest we have gone without talking since he left in January for training or February to Iraq.

Matthew is also having a hard time, he went from only 2 or 3 accidents at night a month, or 4 or 5 or more accidents a night a week since he left. I forgot to bring it up with the doctor on Wednesday at his physical to rule out anything medical. I am also having other issues with Matthew and Christopher both that I won’t be bringing up on here to protect their privacy and keep from embarrassing them later in life.

I guess we all deal with changes differently, and we all have our good days and our bad days, all our trials and triumphs and in the end we will find our own ways to work through it all and be stronger for it.

4 Comments | In: People, Places & Things | tags: Austin, Bobby, Christopher, Domestic Diva, Family, Health, Insanity, Matthew, Me, Milestones, Parenting, Ramblings, Ranting, School, Sleep Deprivation, Sophia, Updates. | #

Lately I seem to have days where everything all comes crashing down all at once, and usually it is at the worst time. Last night was that night.

It was 7:30 PM, we were starting the bedtime routine. Sophie had just porked down about 5 slices of mangoes, a few hash browns, and nursed. She was over tired and probably over-stuffed. I lay her down for the night and she is just not. happy. at. all.

Austin and Christopher were picking up their belongings before bed and I about lost it when I saw Christopher’s library book on the ground. We currently owe our library $25 for a book Isis mauled and I was NOT about to owe the school library also. So I tell him for the 238,028,102th time to “put your book away NOW!!” and turn my back to deal with Sophie, who now sounds like she is slowly being murdered in her crib.

Matthew was being a pill and decided he wanted to get out of bed and trash his room instead of going to bed. I punish him with certain death if he leaves the bed one more time, and turn my attention back to Austin and Christopher who appear to be doing their chores in either slow motion, or even in reverse motion. I am loading the dishwasher when I hear Christopher yelling at Matthew. Of course this reignites Sophie’s ticking time bomb and she starts wailing and I go up to see what the issue is.

Matthew has decided his toys are dirty, and along with Christopher’s library book, he has decided to give them all a shower. I think I either blacked out at this moment, or just could not see through all the red I was seeing, but somehow I managed to calmly instruct Matthew to get in bed and STAY there, get Christopher to put his book in my bathroom so I could dry it, tell Sophie to shut her pie hole and go to bed, and scare all the animals at least 50 FT from me at all times. I don’t know how I did it, but I did not see any bruises, broken glass (or bones) duct tape, rope, or a blow horn anywhere, but somehow all of the kids realized that mom could snap at any moment.

Christopher and Austin decide they can finish their chores in 2 minutes flat and I take the book into my bathroom and attack it with a blow dryer, while keeping an eye on Matthew’s room to make sure he does not sneak out and get into any more trouble.

Just when I got the book where I wanted it to where I could shut the door and let the dryer run on low heat for a few minutes, Austin decided to inform me that “Oh, by the way a pen exploded in my pocket at school, can I just put it in the wash with spray and wash??” “No dude, here is some hair spray, go use it and soap and wash and rinse it out.” “What about my cell phone, do I just spray it and rinse it off too?” “No dear, use a rag.”

It’s now 8:30 and my mind is GONE. My house smells like hair spray, the hum of the blow dryer in the back ground is about to drive me insane, and I need either a hot bath or a pint of Jack Daniels to put the day behind me. I wish I could say this was the only difficult part of the day, but Matthew has been very trying since Bobby left, and I find myself wanting to pull my hair out about 55 minutes of every hour that he is awake because of his shenanigans.

I quickly finish up my chores and fall into a hot bath and just when I can feel my muscles relax… the phone rings. Only Bobby calls me that late, so I fly out of bed and get to the phone right when he hangs up. I get online and shoot him off an email to tell him to call me in the next 20 minutes so I can say goodnight. Just then he logs on and tells me he is heading to work and to wait for him to get across the street so he can call me again. About 20 minutes later he calls and decides he cannot hear me well enough and tells me to get on Yahoo and we will chat. I tell him about my day and just get a series of one word replies about 5 minutes after I write up a long sentence.

It is now midnight and I am dead tired, and getting mad at his lack of replies. I tell him I will talk to him later and I am going to bed and he replies “Sorry, am working”. Ugh, you could not just say goodnight an hour earlier????

So this morning at around 6:15 am the phone rings… it is Bobby. I am exhausted and not feeling good at all. I tell him goodnight (it is night for him) and I will talk to him when he wakes up and that I am going to get another 30 minutes of sleep before I have to take Austin to school, then I am going to take it busy because I think I have an ear infection and I feel like I am on death’s doorstep. I get Austin off to school and crawl back into bed and just start to drift off to sleep (the two little ones are still sleeping), he calls again. I think I was polite when I told him to go to sleep already and leave me alone to suffer in peace. Of course now the babies are up and wanting attention.

I pull them both into my bed and nurse Sophie while Matthew nibbles on a snack and we all cuddle together and watch Go Diego Go. I fell back to sleep sometime during his cartoons and find him downstairs sitting on the counter finishing off a half a box of thin mints girl scout cookies. I can already tell that today is not going to be any better at all.

3 Comments | In: People, Places & Things, This is how I roll | tags: Austin, Bobby, Christopher, Health, Lame-o, Matthew, Me, Parenting, Ramblings, Ranting, Sleep Deprivation, Sophia. | #

Blah, I hate this time of year… it never fails someone gets a bug and is nice enough to share it with the rest of the bunch. I was the lucky one who got sick first, it was horrible, two days in the bathroom wishing I could just puke and feel better. Finally about 24 hours later, my fever broke and I almost felt human again. Last night, we pulled up to FPU (Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University classes, taught through a local church) and Matthew throws up multiple times in the parking lot. So Bobby tells me to go on into class, take the baby and Austin to the daycare, and he heads home with Matthew and Christopher. Matthew is crying, he wants to go play with his 28 new friends at the church daycare, Christopher has forgotten how to listen in the confusion, and I am trying to juggle my workbooks, a baby and comfort Matthew. Thankfully he seems to bounce back quickly, about 30-40 minutes after he throws up, Bobby reports he is bouncing off the walls.

Last night, after only about 3 hours of sleep, Bobby wakes up feeling puny. Matthew has since joined us in our bed, and Sophie seems to think the offer of nursing on demand means she should demand it at 4:05, 4:15, 4:30 and again at 4:45… you get my drift. Matthew also seems to think that he is the cover king… he rules the heat level in the bed… first he wanted all the covers, and I got none… then he decided he was hot, laid on the covers and again, I got none. So now 4 of us are in the bed, Matthew is the only one actually sleeping. Sophie finally drifts back off, and Bobby gives up trying to sleep and gets up to shower… he has an interview today for a local job, more pay, ok benefits, but there is not a lot of room to move up in the company. The job he interviews for next week in D.C. is within his same company, awesome benefits, awesome pay, tons of opportunity, and did I mention is in our nations capitol??

So Bobby is now up, and dressed, he’s looking spiffy in his new sport coat, & wearing a tie, he comes in to hug me goodbye, even though he has no plans on leaving for another 30 minutes, because he is hoping I can go back to sleep with the kids. Well, right before he has to leave, he comes back in and goes to the bathroom to throw up. He later told me he had to hold his tie to keep it clean. Poor Bobby, we have been married for 11 years, together for 12 and in that time he has only thrown up three times, once after bad pizza, once after another stomach bug we all shared as a family, and today. Thankfully he is the type to get the 24 hour flu for 4 hours, and he said once he threw up, he felt so much better. I just hope he continues to feel fine and has a good interview. I also hope Austin and Christopher are spared, as they were not exposed to me as much as Matthew & Bobby, and I REALLY hope Sophie does not get it, but my experience, my nurslings tend to not catch whatever I get.

No Comments | In: Frugal, not cheap!, People, Places & Things | tags: Bobby, Family, Health, Me, Ramblings, Sleep Deprivation. | #

Sophie had her follow up derm appointment, she had the ANA antibodies too, so her official diagnosis is neonatal lupus. Her pediatrician checked her out on Friday and is referring her to a pediatric rheumatologist (arthritis dr, since Lupus (SLE) is a connective joint disease) and a pediatric cardiologist (heart doctor, neonatal lupus can cause heart problems). Her ped assured me that neonatal lupus will not stay with her past infant-hood, and she won’t have any issues when she becomes a mother.

I have an appointment with my primary care provider on Tuesday to discuss my own labs and see if she feels I need a referral for more testing.

Then on Thursday I needed to go back to my GYNs office… my IUD was coming out after only two weeks…my body was rejecting it. Crap, so much for 10 year birth control. She put another one in, but I already feel like it too is being rejected… if that happens I don’t know WHAT we will do since any other method that I tolerate is contraindicated with breastfeeding. Please oh PLEASE let my little copper friend stick around this time!

Also on Friday I asked Bobby to look up his tracking for his books that showed they were out for delivery here in town for the last 3 days. Turns out the books decided to take an unscheduled visit to Tennessee. Last reports say it is back here in the state and will hopefully arrive Monday or Tuesday so Bobby can have them for the classes that started last week.

Trick or treating was fun, I wish I had taken pictures, but the “shop from home” ToT challenge was a success. Matthew wore a Hawaiian shirt, floppy hat, sunglasses and a camera and was the cutest “tourist” ever, he got so much candy. Christopher was Harry Potter, and looked so cute, Austin was a reaper, and Sophie was a little pink bear thanks to a little snowsuit Aunt Angie sent her.

Christopher turned 11 yesterday too, I can’t believe 11 years ago I was a mama for the first time… He was such a good baby, he rarely complained about anything.

Miss Sophie was up until 3am last night, I am so tired!

No Comments | In: A lot about nothing | tags: A lot about nothing, Austin, Christopher, Family, Finances, Holidays, Insanity, Lame-o, Matthew, Me, Memories, Parenting, Pregnancy, Ramblings, Ranting, Sleep Deprivation, Sophia. | #

I am not sure who needed the nap more, Sophie or Daddy.

Don’t let the couch sharing fool you, the kitties hate each other.

4 Comments | In: Uncategorized | tags: Bobby, Fur Babies/Pets, Photography, Sleep Deprivation, Sophia. | #

Between 3 days of appointments on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday thanks to the school Chris is on the waiting list for, weekly midwife visits, and then my mom flying in on Saturday I have been plenty busy. I almost feel like nature is trying to keep me going to keep my mind off being overdue.

Well, I guess they were all slacking because I apparently was not busy enough. Austin and Christopher were bored today, so I told them to go outside and play. Austin took his bike, Chris took his scooter. About 20 minutes later, Christopher comes in crying and holding his left arm. He fell off his scooter and caught himself with his wrist. I sent him to run cold water on it and took a shower, thinking he was just sore. Bobby comes in (more on why he was home in a little bit) and tells me it is pretty swollen so he thinks he should be seen. Ok, so I tell him to call urgent care and make an appointment and my mom and I will take him in.

So we get him to urgent care and he in bouncing off the walls, acting totally fine, putting pressure on his arms, making it look like a wasted trip. We actually tell him to settle down because we are worried they will send us home with ice and Motrin and not x-ray his arm. The PA comes in, she is super sweet, takes his history, notes the small amount of swelling and then sends us downstairs to radiology. Chris seems smitten by the cute x-ray tech, she is a pretty little thing though. A short while later, my mom hears someone say “buckle break, room 5″ in the hallway and my mom asks “are we room 5?” Crap. Sure enough, it was us. Christopher broke his arm. The PA tells us the buckle fracture is one of the most common childhood fractures and that he will need to see an orthopedic doctor, however he may or may not need a cast. He has a splint and a sling right now and it seems to be doing fine. Here is a picture of what a buckle break looks like (this is not Christopher’s x-ray, just one I found on the web).

I am keeping plenty busy, between urgent care today, and ortho tomorrow afternoon. I also see my midwife tomorrow for my 40w4d visit, and HOPEFULLY our last prenatal. Last night I was thinking I was going to be seeing her sooner as I had around 9 hours of strong contractions every 8 minutes lasting 3 minutes in length. Around 4am my body surrendered to exhaustion and that was the end of those. Since then I have been having irregular contractions. Sometimes minutes apart, sometimes hours, mostly in my back. I put the doula and midwife on alert, so I am sure I will get a long restful night of sleep tonight. *sigh* I did get a good nap in this evening hoping to keep well rested in case it started again at dinner time, but nothing significant. My mom leaves in 5 days, please cross your fingers we can get something going before she leaves!

1 Comment | In: People, Places & Things | tags: Christopher, Family, Health, Me, Pregnancy, Sleep Deprivation. | #

Ok, so not quite 24 weeks, but close enough. I am 23w4d, my blood pressure is great, I still have not gained any weight, my fundal height is normal, Sophie’s heart rate is in the 140′s, she is active and strong and so far I am free of any of the normal aches and pains. My midwife was so excited to tell me about a woman she just delivered who used self-hypnosis in childbirth and she said it was the most amazing delivery. I was so thrilled for such a positive birth story, but I expect no less from my midwife who is such a nice fresh breath of air. She is so upbeat and positive, I am looking forward to my birthing day so much because I feel like I will be surrounded by amazing people between my husband, my doula, and my midwife.

My next appointment is March 4th, I will be almost 28 weeks. At this appointment we will also get to have our 3D ultrasound, I can’t wait to see my little girl in 3D, I LOVED the 3D pictures I had of Matthew. After that I will be starting to go every 2 weeks and then weekly. I love when the appointments get closer, just because it means my baby is getting closer too!

Bobby left for the CO/NM area today, he’s gone until Friday. I am so tired from lack of sleep and then having to get up early, that I am not looking forward to having to do the parenting thing alone this week. I have my three, plus the two I babysit from 4:45p-12:15a, when I want nothing more than to just crawl into my warm bed now until tomorrow and not have to worry about anyone else.

No Comments | In: Uncategorized | tags: Babysitting, Pregnancy, Sleep Deprivation, Sophia. | #