Mistakes in Motherhood

It is only 9:16 AM and I am already for bed… Baby A. got shots yesterday, so she has been very cranky all day today and still has not napped. About 20 minutes of crying is my limit before I want to stick wax in my ears and start crying myself.

On top of that I am exhausted and have an upset stomach. I started a new medicine last night for my PCOS which always makes me so sick and tired. I guess it is not new, since I have started and stopped it two other times in the past, but new to my system since it has been a year since I tried it last.

I can also smell pee in my house, but I am not sure from who, or where it is and it is driving me insane… it is not strong, but it is there and it will be the cherry on my “I’m going crazy Sundae”.

2 Comments | In: Uncategorized | tags: Babysitting, Ranting, Sleep Deprivation, TTC. | #

So I use a Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor to pinpoint if/when I ovulate, and this cycle was looking like a bust so I took a break from testing over the weekend. Sunday around 3pm I felt a ton of pinching cramping and I figured “This must be it” so I wanted to confirm it, but it was too late to use my monitor so when I was at the store later that evening I bought an Ovulation Predictor Kit and sure enough, it was positive! You can see my TCOYF Chart here: http://forums.ovusoft.com/chart.asp?cycle=21&id=summerrain&tc=0&p=.

This morning I tested with my CBEFM and got a “Peak” reading, then again I tested positive on my OPK so I know I am going to ovulate today or tomorrow. I hate this roller coaster, I just want it to all be over. I think by the end of the school year this year, Bobby and I need to make a decision if we want to stop trying or not. I am just not prepared to put up another long haul of a fight again.

2 Comments | In: A lot about nothing | tags: A lot about nothing, TTC. | #

It is no secret that I have suffered from secondary infertility for a number of years. Bobby and I started trying to get pregnant again when Christopher was 6 months old in July 1998. In early 1999 I started seeking help from the OB/GYNs on base at Ft Hood and kept getting little or no help. Bobby had surgery to fix his problems, but we still could not get pregnant. In 2000 we finally got a referral to a Reproductive Endocrinologist after being turned away from several doctors who could not help us. In 2002-2004, while Bobby was overseas in Korea and Iraq, I got on birth control pills to help regulate my cycles when he was gone.

I have PCOS, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. This is an endocrine disorder that causes a plethora of symptoms, such as high testosterone and estrogen, weight gain, ovarian cysts, male hair growth & hair loss, heart disease, infertility, menstrual problems (irregular, infrequent or absent) and many many more problems. Right now there are several treatment options, such as insulin controlling medicines like Metformin, or Birth Control Pills to mask the symptoms. There are other surgical options or medicine therapy, but the above two are the most common.

The biggest heartbreak of infertility is how unfair it all is… my insurance will cover 100% of Viagra, birth control pills, surgical sterilization, abortion (all with a copay between $15-30), yet just for the initial consult with a Reproductive Endocrinologist I am looking at $700 out of pocket. Each visit after that would cost almost as much and I could be looking at being seen as many as 4-5 times in a single month. Also, why is it abusive parents, drug addicts and people who do not want children can pop them out right and left, where moms like me are lucky to have any at all.

In June 2004, 2 months after getting off of birth control pills, I learned I was pregnant for the second time. Matthew was born 10 months later, healthy, happy, and without complication. We started trying for #4 in August 2005 without any success. Because we just cannot afford advanced treatment from a Reproductive Endocrinologist, or even an OB/GYN we continue to just pray and hope that it will happen again.

If you are also suffering from infertility, be is primary, or secondary and in the Chicago or Naperville Illinois area, I urge you to seek treatment through a Reproductive Endocrinologist like Dr. Randy Morris at Chicago IVF. You do not have to suffer in silence, there are treatment options out there to help you achieve your dream!

*This is a sponsored post.

No Comments | In: Uncategorized | tags: Infertility, Sponsored, TTC. | #

This weeks theme is Lines. I chose this picture because it sums up my week very well, negative. I took this photo yesterday before I was supposed to go to see the Reproductive Endocrinologist. We had to cancel because we were misled by our insurance that it would be covered with a $50 copay, but found out yesterday they only actually cover 50%. At an upwards of $500 a visit, this just is not doable at this time. So like this negative pregnancy test, my heart is negative that we will have another baby.

Grab the Scavenger Hunt code. Photo Theme. Join the blogroll. Visit participants.

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My Infertility seminar was cancelled today because we were supposed to get 4-6 inches of snow. Of course now there is no snow (it blew light snow for 15 minutes but it did not stick), and the next available seminar is the SAME DAY that Christopher has his neuro testing next month… something I have been waiting for since September….

I am not too worried about it, I know how to make babies… I just can’t do it when I want.

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So this morning I called the insurance company to see if they have gotten the referral to give my physician the benefit of the doubt before I called to b*tch.

So, the insurance company said no, they have not gotten the referral, and I asked them how easy it is to switch Dr’s (pretty damn easy).

I hung up with them and called my Dr’s office; the receptionist sent me to my Dr.’s nurse’s voice mail. It has been over an hour now and still no call back. I will be calling daily, and if I have not heard back by Thursday, I will switch Friday and just get my new doctor to give me the referral.

I started a new cycle today, so that kind of makes me want to get this ball rolling. I am cramping, I am pmsing and I would like to get pregnant sooner than later. It’s been 15 months since we started trying and I am getting sick of it already. Ideally, I wanted to be pregnant in less than 7 months from now so Matthew is not too much older than his brother/sister.

No Comments | In: Uncategorized | tags: Health, Ranting, TTC. | #

The secret is out… we want another baby. I guess three is not enough. Yes, I know I am crazy. No, I am not trying for a girl, I would LOVE to have a daughter, I won’t lie… but I am opening my arms to any baby God is willing to give me.

We are seeking medical help with our past history of infertility. I got the ball rolling at my anual last month and she told me to go back for some post ovulatory blood work. I still cannot get my jaw up off the floor from what she told me.

I AM NORMAL!

Normal? “Your bloodwork all came back normal”. Never in my life have I heard that sentance uttered when it came to my reproductive health. Not only that, but all my bloodwork contradicts my diagnosis of PCOS and Insulin Resistance.

Wish us luck, this time I KNOW I do not have the patience with my body as I did trying to get pregnant with Matthew.

1 Comment | In: Uncategorized | tags: Announcements, TTC. | #